Dreams and schemes and voices in my head.
I had the most disturbing dreams I have had in a long time this morning, and they wouldn't go away, even when I woke up. The scenario that kept playing out was that in a sort of post-apocalyptic breakdown of society, my parents were killed and I had to get my brother and I out of the desert and cross country to my Aunt and Uncle in Durango, CO. At least, that was one plan... there were so many details to worry about - finding enough petrol before it was all used and taking cans with us, deciding what to bring from our home and what to leave, figuring out how to avoid having our vehicle and/or gas taken on the hundreds of miles of not-so-lonely road we had to cross, getting there and finding them gone, deciding whether to go straight there or to seek out some of my non-family peoples in the area here first, finding water, and making ourselves valuable enough to be worth our keep wherever we ended up.
I went to mass on the spur of the moment after dropping my brother off at school this morning, and it was really good. I went to the Catholic church of St. Edward the Confessor in Dana Point. I'd never been there before, but the place has a very good feel about it, and I think God was there. Pondering the Eucharist (and whether or not to partake of it, a constant debate within myself) I came across some things in a way I had never thought about them before, and is either deeply true or heretical. It deserves more thought and meditation and prayer, I think.
Anyhoo... I feel much better now than I have for several weeks. For one thing, I'm taking a day off from listening to audiobooks on my ipod while doing housework and so forth... The constant stream of voices in my head was beginning to detatch me from reality and a sense of myself and God, which was a cause of growing discomfort and unbalance. I also listened to music... just listened and meditated on it... which I haven't done in a long time. It's incredibly peaceful to not be multi-tasking, just listening to ambiguous sounds and words onto which I can project my own emotions and thoughts.
I've set up Dahak in a more permanent position, and one that allows him to have internet access so my brother can use him during my stay in Scotland and Claremont. It's during my itinerant summers that I find I feel the full impact of having a desktop rather than a laptop. Ah, well. I am going to take an old laptop of my family to Scotland with me, so hopefully I'll be able to compose emails to a few people, but no promises... I want to spend my time taking in Scotland and the Jameses rather than sitting in front of a computer screen.
So, God is good, life is good, and tea is good - the latter mostly because it allows one time to contemplate the first two.
I went to mass on the spur of the moment after dropping my brother off at school this morning, and it was really good. I went to the Catholic church of St. Edward the Confessor in Dana Point. I'd never been there before, but the place has a very good feel about it, and I think God was there. Pondering the Eucharist (and whether or not to partake of it, a constant debate within myself) I came across some things in a way I had never thought about them before, and is either deeply true or heretical. It deserves more thought and meditation and prayer, I think.
Anyhoo... I feel much better now than I have for several weeks. For one thing, I'm taking a day off from listening to audiobooks on my ipod while doing housework and so forth... The constant stream of voices in my head was beginning to detatch me from reality and a sense of myself and God, which was a cause of growing discomfort and unbalance. I also listened to music... just listened and meditated on it... which I haven't done in a long time. It's incredibly peaceful to not be multi-tasking, just listening to ambiguous sounds and words onto which I can project my own emotions and thoughts.
I've set up Dahak in a more permanent position, and one that allows him to have internet access so my brother can use him during my stay in Scotland and Claremont. It's during my itinerant summers that I find I feel the full impact of having a desktop rather than a laptop. Ah, well. I am going to take an old laptop of my family to Scotland with me, so hopefully I'll be able to compose emails to a few people, but no promises... I want to spend my time taking in Scotland and the Jameses rather than sitting in front of a computer screen.
So, God is good, life is good, and tea is good - the latter mostly because it allows one time to contemplate the first two.