sticks and stones may break my bones but slut shamers exhaust me
Click to viewETA: basically, don't bother reading my post, because this one on racialicious is way better than mine, and touches on the same things. also i suck really hard for not living up to all the intersectionality i talk for not touching on race at all in my post. seriously, i am a sucky asshole. read racialicious always.if you have something to say ( Read more... )
- i was not unaware of el-p's history as a witness to his mother's abuse. he actually brought that up himself in the middle of his several tweet tirade against this song (which i'm sure you saw at the time; i'm just refreshing your memory here). i just linked the tweet i did, because i thought it best summed up what i had a problem with about the things he (and several other people on my radar) was saying. i just don't really think i'm prepared to forgive him at all for it. to be honest, i think i'm actually angrier about this because of the way he invoked his past.
remember how this summer i showed you that gavin de becker book, and we had that conversation about the part where he was like: people send me letters every time i say something victim blamey telling me that i don't understand. well i do understand, i understand intimately (because his parents had an abusive relationship) and i got all ragey about it? yeah, that. it's hard for me to talk about this and not sound dismissive of el's (or de becker's) experiences - and this is so very much something i desire strongly to not do - but i also can't help but feel a little chafed by dudes laying claim on women's experiences with abuse like that, based on proximity. basically i believe that his experiences as a witness were horrible, and i think there's room to talk about that, but just not in terms of that somehow making him an authority on, as he puts it, 'battered women.' i'm angry that he invoked those experiences as a part of this conversation, as if it validates the wayyyy off-the-mark things that he had to say.
- i (obviously) did not recognize him as perez hilton originally, and now i am pretty pissed off about that!! i'd actually only seen an image of him once that i can think of before ever (the infamous carrie prejean clip), which i guess ended up serving me poorly now, but i am quite familiar with him in writing. UGH!! thank you for pointing this out to me - egg on my face!! i've updated my post now. THIS MAKES MARIA'S COMMENT UPON READING THIS POST MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE. when she was all like "wow perez," i thought it was some non-sequitur and started flipping through feministing quickly, because i thought she was commenting on a post miriam made. couldn't figure out why i couldn't see any recent posts from hir. it's funny now. kindof like this. HILARIOUS, PEREZ! YOU ARE SUCH A JOKER!!
- interesting. i re-watched the video with this in mind, and i can see what you are saying. THERE ARE A LOT OF JOURNALISTS IN THIS THING! at first i thought you were referencing the ones at the start with the ball gags, and i was like 'what? they mostly just seem really eager to call her a slut?' but then i got to the part that you were talking about. i think maybe i originally read this scene as like... not necessarily non-consensual? i mean, there are huge parts of bdsm/kink culture that sortof rely on playing with appearances re:consent as a part of their whole appeal (it's part of why safe words are a thing, right?), but that was maybe wrong of me to make those assumptions. this gives me lots to think about. i can totally see how that whole thing could squick you out, though. easily.
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