hhhmmmm
yeah for mindless ramble
i wish that i was not me for a day... i wish that i could be a cloud for a day :-)
TOOL is wonderful for the black grayness in my heart... ( is that even a color... well to me it is )
its not that im not happy its just... damn i dont have the words...
i love the fact that i am needed but sometimes i wish that it didnt feel like a burden
i wonder how to feel about being selfish
my future looks bleak and im content with that
i want to see the world ( along with everyone else ) and come back and tell all my buds about what ive encountered
you know i want to be a classy broad that lives in a loft apt. that lives like a poor college student but has a huge bank account
i want to be lost in a state of sober/intoxication 24/7
i want to smile all the time and mean it
i want to dance in the rain and lose myself to the wind
i want to feel a lovers touch
i want to be remembered as a timeless spirit with everyone that i come across
i want to know what its like to be in the happy medium
i want to see the sky change colors and fall in love with life all over again
i dont want to feel over used... i want to feel like a new born child every time i wake up
i dont want to be all theory and no action
i dont want to be all action and no theory
dear god i just want to be
i just need to shut up
thank you
so anyway... an update on my life
moms court date is thurs. we'll see whats going to happen. going to leave my worries in the hands of the powers above...
i dont think that shes going to go to jail. i hope that the judge will see that this is a waste of time and give a very very light judgment. shes happy that i moved back but she wants me to stay there at the house longer but i told her that i love her and i am so happy that she has helped me with everything but i want to live on my own... and really i wont be on my own... i'll have everyone else with me... i love the fact that im surrounded with wonderful lights and energy, it helps. its just getting there. i have to be with her another month but i know that when i go back to work the time will pass quickly and i seem to be spending more time here at j&b's... so its cool. i just need to preoccupy my time with other thoughts and not be over compulsive with wanting to move out or the fact that i have an insane family along with everyone else that i know. i love my mom and i have a new found respect and love for her now and im going to try to concentrate on that while saving enough money to leave and find a little place of my own. damn... i really miss josh... or i miss the fact that he was my little make out buddy... but i really did like him alot and still do but for now i'll be content for friends... i think that i need to spend time working on me. when i came back from levelland i seemed to have had a "rebirth". i know what i want to do here or what i have to do here before i move on. ive always said that i cant leave until i was finished with whatever it was that i had to do here and i think i know what it is. i have to prep myself for the world beyond lubbock...
i wish that i was not me for a day... i wish that i could be a cloud for a day :-)
TOOL is wonderful for the black grayness in my heart... ( is that even a color... well to me it is )
its not that im not happy its just... damn i dont have the words...
i love the fact that i am needed but sometimes i wish that it didnt feel like a burden
i wonder how to feel about being selfish
my future looks bleak and im content with that
i want to see the world ( along with everyone else ) and come back and tell all my buds about what ive encountered
you know i want to be a classy broad that lives in a loft apt. that lives like a poor college student but has a huge bank account
i want to be lost in a state of sober/intoxication 24/7
i want to smile all the time and mean it
i want to dance in the rain and lose myself to the wind
i want to feel a lovers touch
i want to be remembered as a timeless spirit with everyone that i come across
i want to know what its like to be in the happy medium
i want to see the sky change colors and fall in love with life all over again
i dont want to feel over used... i want to feel like a new born child every time i wake up
i dont want to be all theory and no action
i dont want to be all action and no theory
dear god i just want to be
i just need to shut up
thank you
so anyway... an update on my life
moms court date is thurs. we'll see whats going to happen. going to leave my worries in the hands of the powers above...
i dont think that shes going to go to jail. i hope that the judge will see that this is a waste of time and give a very very light judgment. shes happy that i moved back but she wants me to stay there at the house longer but i told her that i love her and i am so happy that she has helped me with everything but i want to live on my own... and really i wont be on my own... i'll have everyone else with me... i love the fact that im surrounded with wonderful lights and energy, it helps. its just getting there. i have to be with her another month but i know that when i go back to work the time will pass quickly and i seem to be spending more time here at j&b's... so its cool. i just need to preoccupy my time with other thoughts and not be over compulsive with wanting to move out or the fact that i have an insane family along with everyone else that i know. i love my mom and i have a new found respect and love for her now and im going to try to concentrate on that while saving enough money to leave and find a little place of my own. damn... i really miss josh... or i miss the fact that he was my little make out buddy... but i really did like him alot and still do but for now i'll be content for friends... i think that i need to spend time working on me. when i came back from levelland i seemed to have had a "rebirth". i know what i want to do here or what i have to do here before i move on. ive always said that i cant leave until i was finished with whatever it was that i had to do here and i think i know what it is. i have to prep myself for the world beyond lubbock...