703
it's 2.47 in the morning and i've just had the following conversation with myself:
i'm finding it hard to breathe.
why is this so?
am i having a pain-free heart attack?
or possibly an otherwise symptomless panic attack?
or is my chest being squashed by the weight of my BREASTS?
I DON'T KNOW!
so, there's that. also, i'm hungry. also, my throat hurts. but, it's raining! and that (almost) makes it all better.
hmm, that last mouthful of water made me feel as though i was going to vomit. bad water! no biscuit.
lately the long monologues in my head have taken on the form and tone of tiger beatdown posts (AS WE HAVE JUST SEEN)(and is also very much like dinosaur comics which i also love), which is simultaneously hilarious and also unexpectedly enlightening. unfortunately, they happen whilst in the shower or on the way to work and are therefore uncapturable in written form. woe, the brilliance is forever lost.
okay, crap, stomach gnawing on itself. dear stomach, can't you just eat some of the adipose for a while? i am totally okay with self-cannibalising for limited periods.
perhaps the reason that i cannot breathe is because my stomach is pushing upwards on my diaphragm in an attempt to ESCAPE MY BODY?!?!
here is a secret: i made the mister buy me another(!) external drive so that i could rip all my x-files DVDs--
ahhhhh, random allergy attack! this is the reason i could never be a spy, or an assassin, or anything else that requires stealth. MY SINUSES ARE NOT STEALTHY.
also, there is a woman at work who keeps talking about her SINUS, like SINUS is a disease or a syndrome instead of part of the body. her: i have a headache because i have sinus. me (internally): YES, EVERYBODY HAS SINUS(ES) YOU TWIT. also, she is possibly the most uninformed person i have ever met. like, she is 56(?) years old and did not know that it is not, like, sunlight that burns you (like, the visible, direct light), but the UV light, which is why YOU CAN GET SUNBURNT ON A CLOUDY DAY. this was a complete and total revelation to her. also, there are many, many other things about which she is similarly unknowledgeable and yet! she and other ladies continually have lengthy conversation displaying their ignorance on a variety of topics until i badly want to scream! instead, i go to the toilet and sit with my head in my hands for, like, ten minutes at a stretch, trying to think happy thoughts about how much mulder and scully, or caroline and mac, love each other. mostly it works! until i have to go back to my desk.
sometimes it is so bad because i spend ALL DAY at work refraining from pointing out the regular epic fail of my colleagues that i am still cranky after several hours of being at home and administering therapeutic internet. so sometimes mrO comes home and we play motorstorm (or, vroom vroom car game, as i customarily refer to it). and the other night he was tired and didn't feel like playing, so sat next to me as i attempted to win a time trial in which THE GAME WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE. it was! i swear! and, as he discovered the first time he watched me play fzero, i shout and swear A LOT when i am very invested in the outcome. i shout things i would never actually say! or even think! like, suck my dick! because, obviously, i have no dick to suck. and, even if i did, i am not sure i would want anyone to suck it. but maybe i would! i don't even know! but, yes, a constant string of expletives and suchlike issues forth from my mouth at top volume and i have NO CONTROL over it and it makes him laugh, like, A LOT. so i am proud to be entertaining, but also vaguely ashamed.
BUT I WON THAT DAMN TIME TRIAL BECAUSE I AM THE GREATEST. THE GREATEST!!11!ELEVENTY1!!1
--anyway, as i was saying, about ripping all my x-files DVDs, because ONE DAY THEY MIGHT BE DAMAGED. and then THERE WOULD BE NO X-FILES. i cannot even fathom such a tragedy. so i will have backup. AND, ALSO. it will facilitate the making of the vids that i would like to make by having every episode in handy ready-to-vid format! even though i don't know how to make vids! someday i hope to learn! and when i do, I WILL BE PREPARED.
actually, it is probably good that i cannot usually capture these monologues because i begin to suspect that they would not be quite as genius when typed out as they seem to be when i am thinking them. something to ponder.
wee, rain!
also, my period is five days early. FIVE DAYS. WTAF uterus? and it arrived in the middle of the workday so that i had to run (okay, walk) to the nearby shopping centre, trying to find cloth baby wipes, or, failing that, a facecloth or something to stick in my underpants. THIS WAS INEXPLICABLY DIFFICULT TO FIND. in the end i got a $1 facecloth after 20 minutes of fruitless searching. and it was unexpectedly soft and not square but rectangularly shaped and was thus ideal for sticking in my underpants. also, $1! so, clearly it was meant to be! but. still. MOST INCONVENIENT. and, what the hell, five days early? that is almost, like, a week. a huge chunk of my cycle, gone! where did it go? was it on fast forward? did i somehow get magically pregnant and i am actually having a miscarriage? (if so, A++ body. keep doing that.) otherwise, though, just, what? it is a MYSTERY.
have i mentioned lately that gillian anderson is very pretty? i feel that this is important enough to merit repeated iterations. just in case someone forgets for a moment. though how this is even possible is beyond my ability to understand. because, like, every second of the day she is out there, BEING PRETTY.
oh, wow, suddenly i am so very tired. mayhap i will be able to go back to sleep now, if my brain cooperates. dear brain, please cooperate! i know it is the weekend and therefore it's okay if i cannot sleep for long chunks of the night, but mostly it is not the weekend and therefore not okay. so i don't want you to get used to this sort of thing and thinking it can be a regular occurrence, because it cannot! for reals!
ha! firefox thinks 'reals' is an actual word! and this lead me to click on my dictionary which reminded me of the awesome new word (well, phrase) that i learned yesterday courtesy of my dictionary screensaver (have i mentioned lately how much i love macs? I LOVE MACS! at work we have lovely, LOVELY, imacs which have been stripped of their beauty and brilliance and been filled with the plague that is windows vista. every day i mourn as i attempt to force the unwieldy abomination into submission.). and this word (well, phrase) is:
ultima Thule noun
a distant unknown region; the extreme limit of travel and discovery.
ORIGIN Latin, literally ‘furthest Thule’ (see Thule ).
and YOU KNOW that is someday going to be the title of an x-files fic. IT IS FATED. THERE CAN BE NO OTHER COURSE. IT IS LINGUISTIC DESTINY.
crap! reals is totally an actual word! it is "the basic monetary unit of Brazil since 1994, equal to 100 centavos." i feel stupid! also, every time someone has said "for reals" since 1994, what they are really saying is "for 100 centavos"! that is so awesome!
okay, goodness, i am officially tired again. i will try for sleep. the aim is sleep, etc. and i will hit post. but first, the cut tag!
3.59am ETA: (ha, it took me over an hour to write that down while i was doing other stuff!)
so i went to pee and that reminded me of the way in which people who've known each other for long periods develop their own linguistic shorthand. what these two things have in common will be revealed anon!
when i lived with kathleen, in college, we developed our own language. we called it pudla. (i still have a sweatshirt she gave me as a present that says "hablo pudla" on it. I TREASURE IT.) pudla is a liberal mix of spanish, american sign language, and Shit We Made Up. like, there used to be (still is?) a brand of juice called 'very fine.' and somehow the word 'fine' became this coded string, where one of us would say the word, and then the other would say 'very fine' and then the first would say 'juice!' and, sometimes, just the word 'juice' would suffice. so, now, any time someone says 'fine' in the context of 'how are you?' my brain automatically responds 'very fine. juice!'
this relates to the toilet because there was another phrase that involved going to the toilet! it went something like this: 'got to pee' evolved into 'guh pee' evolved into 'guppy' to which kathleen responded one day 'small fish give live birth.' so it became habitual, when one of us would get up to pee, we would say 'small fish give live birth.' (which is actually an inefficient shorthand because it's actually longhand, but whatever.) so, now, whenever i think or say 'got to pee' my brain does the quick mental evolution to 'small fish give live birth.' but i CAN'T SAY IT because NO ONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL I MEAN. this is very inconvenient! because kathleen and i haven't lived together in ELEVEN YEARS. (it's hard to type eleven without typing elven first. or is that just me?)
another thing was OIC. which is oh, i see. but somehow, one night in glar (englar dining hall), we ended up telling a whole story in phrases where the words began with the letters OIC. the only part i remember is Orangutans In Charge. so that became short(long)hand for, basically, 'i understand.' and, of course, in the world outside my head, if i responded to something someone said with 'orangutans in charge' they would not understand! they would, in fact, be very confused! because it makes no sense out of the context of kathleen's and my four years of brain!
the last is only useful in cold weather, but it's one of my favourites. 'chilly' became 'chilé' which became 'un pais de sudamerica.' again with the shorthand that is really longhand! it made sense at the time! but, if it was cold and i said, in the real world, un pais de sudamerica to express this coldness, the real world would respond WHAT? WHAT? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
wait, what?
OMG 4.15. to the batcave sleep!
--
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. If you feel inclined, comment there using OpenID.
i'm finding it hard to breathe.
why is this so?
am i having a pain-free heart attack?
or possibly an otherwise symptomless panic attack?
or is my chest being squashed by the weight of my BREASTS?
I DON'T KNOW!
so, there's that. also, i'm hungry. also, my throat hurts. but, it's raining! and that (almost) makes it all better.
hmm, that last mouthful of water made me feel as though i was going to vomit. bad water! no biscuit.
lately the long monologues in my head have taken on the form and tone of tiger beatdown posts (AS WE HAVE JUST SEEN)(and is also very much like dinosaur comics which i also love), which is simultaneously hilarious and also unexpectedly enlightening. unfortunately, they happen whilst in the shower or on the way to work and are therefore uncapturable in written form. woe, the brilliance is forever lost.
okay, crap, stomach gnawing on itself. dear stomach, can't you just eat some of the adipose for a while? i am totally okay with self-cannibalising for limited periods.
perhaps the reason that i cannot breathe is because my stomach is pushing upwards on my diaphragm in an attempt to ESCAPE MY BODY?!?!
here is a secret: i made the mister buy me another(!) external drive so that i could rip all my x-files DVDs--
ahhhhh, random allergy attack! this is the reason i could never be a spy, or an assassin, or anything else that requires stealth. MY SINUSES ARE NOT STEALTHY.
also, there is a woman at work who keeps talking about her SINUS, like SINUS is a disease or a syndrome instead of part of the body. her: i have a headache because i have sinus. me (internally): YES, EVERYBODY HAS SINUS(ES) YOU TWIT. also, she is possibly the most uninformed person i have ever met. like, she is 56(?) years old and did not know that it is not, like, sunlight that burns you (like, the visible, direct light), but the UV light, which is why YOU CAN GET SUNBURNT ON A CLOUDY DAY. this was a complete and total revelation to her. also, there are many, many other things about which she is similarly unknowledgeable and yet! she and other ladies continually have lengthy conversation displaying their ignorance on a variety of topics until i badly want to scream! instead, i go to the toilet and sit with my head in my hands for, like, ten minutes at a stretch, trying to think happy thoughts about how much mulder and scully, or caroline and mac, love each other. mostly it works! until i have to go back to my desk.
sometimes it is so bad because i spend ALL DAY at work refraining from pointing out the regular epic fail of my colleagues that i am still cranky after several hours of being at home and administering therapeutic internet. so sometimes mrO comes home and we play motorstorm (or, vroom vroom car game, as i customarily refer to it). and the other night he was tired and didn't feel like playing, so sat next to me as i attempted to win a time trial in which THE GAME WAS TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE. it was! i swear! and, as he discovered the first time he watched me play fzero, i shout and swear A LOT when i am very invested in the outcome. i shout things i would never actually say! or even think! like, suck my dick! because, obviously, i have no dick to suck. and, even if i did, i am not sure i would want anyone to suck it. but maybe i would! i don't even know! but, yes, a constant string of expletives and suchlike issues forth from my mouth at top volume and i have NO CONTROL over it and it makes him laugh, like, A LOT. so i am proud to be entertaining, but also vaguely ashamed.
BUT I WON THAT DAMN TIME TRIAL BECAUSE I AM THE GREATEST. THE GREATEST!!11!ELEVENTY1!!1
--anyway, as i was saying, about ripping all my x-files DVDs, because ONE DAY THEY MIGHT BE DAMAGED. and then THERE WOULD BE NO X-FILES. i cannot even fathom such a tragedy. so i will have backup. AND, ALSO. it will facilitate the making of the vids that i would like to make by having every episode in handy ready-to-vid format! even though i don't know how to make vids! someday i hope to learn! and when i do, I WILL BE PREPARED.
actually, it is probably good that i cannot usually capture these monologues because i begin to suspect that they would not be quite as genius when typed out as they seem to be when i am thinking them. something to ponder.
wee, rain!
also, my period is five days early. FIVE DAYS. WTAF uterus? and it arrived in the middle of the workday so that i had to run (okay, walk) to the nearby shopping centre, trying to find cloth baby wipes, or, failing that, a facecloth or something to stick in my underpants. THIS WAS INEXPLICABLY DIFFICULT TO FIND. in the end i got a $1 facecloth after 20 minutes of fruitless searching. and it was unexpectedly soft and not square but rectangularly shaped and was thus ideal for sticking in my underpants. also, $1! so, clearly it was meant to be! but. still. MOST INCONVENIENT. and, what the hell, five days early? that is almost, like, a week. a huge chunk of my cycle, gone! where did it go? was it on fast forward? did i somehow get magically pregnant and i am actually having a miscarriage? (if so, A++ body. keep doing that.) otherwise, though, just, what? it is a MYSTERY.
have i mentioned lately that gillian anderson is very pretty? i feel that this is important enough to merit repeated iterations. just in case someone forgets for a moment. though how this is even possible is beyond my ability to understand. because, like, every second of the day she is out there, BEING PRETTY.
oh, wow, suddenly i am so very tired. mayhap i will be able to go back to sleep now, if my brain cooperates. dear brain, please cooperate! i know it is the weekend and therefore it's okay if i cannot sleep for long chunks of the night, but mostly it is not the weekend and therefore not okay. so i don't want you to get used to this sort of thing and thinking it can be a regular occurrence, because it cannot! for reals!
ha! firefox thinks 'reals' is an actual word! and this lead me to click on my dictionary which reminded me of the awesome new word (well, phrase) that i learned yesterday courtesy of my dictionary screensaver (have i mentioned lately how much i love macs? I LOVE MACS! at work we have lovely, LOVELY, imacs which have been stripped of their beauty and brilliance and been filled with the plague that is windows vista. every day i mourn as i attempt to force the unwieldy abomination into submission.). and this word (well, phrase) is:
ultima Thule noun
a distant unknown region; the extreme limit of travel and discovery.
ORIGIN Latin, literally ‘furthest Thule’ (see Thule ).
and YOU KNOW that is someday going to be the title of an x-files fic. IT IS FATED. THERE CAN BE NO OTHER COURSE. IT IS LINGUISTIC DESTINY.
crap! reals is totally an actual word! it is "the basic monetary unit of Brazil since 1994, equal to 100 centavos." i feel stupid! also, every time someone has said "for reals" since 1994, what they are really saying is "for 100 centavos"! that is so awesome!
okay, goodness, i am officially tired again. i will try for sleep. the aim is sleep, etc. and i will hit post. but first, the cut tag!
3.59am ETA: (ha, it took me over an hour to write that down while i was doing other stuff!)
so i went to pee and that reminded me of the way in which people who've known each other for long periods develop their own linguistic shorthand. what these two things have in common will be revealed anon!
when i lived with kathleen, in college, we developed our own language. we called it pudla. (i still have a sweatshirt she gave me as a present that says "hablo pudla" on it. I TREASURE IT.) pudla is a liberal mix of spanish, american sign language, and Shit We Made Up. like, there used to be (still is?) a brand of juice called 'very fine.' and somehow the word 'fine' became this coded string, where one of us would say the word, and then the other would say 'very fine' and then the first would say 'juice!' and, sometimes, just the word 'juice' would suffice. so, now, any time someone says 'fine' in the context of 'how are you?' my brain automatically responds 'very fine. juice!'
this relates to the toilet because there was another phrase that involved going to the toilet! it went something like this: 'got to pee' evolved into 'guh pee' evolved into 'guppy' to which kathleen responded one day 'small fish give live birth.' so it became habitual, when one of us would get up to pee, we would say 'small fish give live birth.' (which is actually an inefficient shorthand because it's actually longhand, but whatever.) so, now, whenever i think or say 'got to pee' my brain does the quick mental evolution to 'small fish give live birth.' but i CAN'T SAY IT because NO ONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL I MEAN. this is very inconvenient! because kathleen and i haven't lived together in ELEVEN YEARS. (it's hard to type eleven without typing elven first. or is that just me?)
another thing was OIC. which is oh, i see. but somehow, one night in glar (englar dining hall), we ended up telling a whole story in phrases where the words began with the letters OIC. the only part i remember is Orangutans In Charge. so that became short(long)hand for, basically, 'i understand.' and, of course, in the world outside my head, if i responded to something someone said with 'orangutans in charge' they would not understand! they would, in fact, be very confused! because it makes no sense out of the context of kathleen's and my four years of brain!
the last is only useful in cold weather, but it's one of my favourites. 'chilly' became 'chilé' which became 'un pais de sudamerica.' again with the shorthand that is really longhand! it made sense at the time! but, if it was cold and i said, in the real world, un pais de sudamerica to express this coldness, the real world would respond WHAT? WHAT? THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
wait, what?
OMG 4.15. to the batcave sleep!
--
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth. If you feel inclined, comment there using OpenID.