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one night i was coming home from uni. it was after 10. a man who, when he had gotten on the bus, had made very deliberate eye contact with me and sat directly behind me, got off after me. he then proceeded to walk behind me as i crossed two streets and walked down the dark side-street to take me home.
i walked quickly. i had my keys out in my hand. i watched the shadows out of the corner of my eye. i held my breath so i could hear his footsteps.
finally, i couldn't take it anymore and i stopped in front of a vacant building and pretended to look at the for sale sign on it. he walked past me and continued down the street and i realised that he was drunk.
when i got home i was shaking and i tried to explain to mrO how scared i'd been and how men should know not to do that sort of thing. but he didn't really get it.
two weeks ago i sat in np's office and tried to explain the sense of violation i experienced at 10, 11 and onwards because my body developed so rapidly that by the time i was 14 i looked fully grown. i tried to explain how it felt to have men looking at me in ways i could not explain then but know now have everything to do with how much a woman's body is deemed to be public property.
despite the fact that he is a genuinely caring, intelligent and understanding man, i don't think he got it.
i've spent a couple of hours this afternoon reading this post and some of its thousands of comments. and i was reminded of a somewhat flippant comment i made to a meme not long ago: 17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
proximity. how close is he and how fast can i get away.
and it's sad, because it's true. that is my default reaction to any male presence. all of the women in my family have been victimised in one way or another by men. i am, really, the lucky one. i've never been directly assaulted or physically harmed. i only endure the daily jabs we all do - men who shout at us, who follow us, who expose themselves to us, who call us names, who touch us without permission, who ignore us when we say 'no' or 'stop' or 'go away'. or men who just look, who look in such a way that we know they think of us as things, as property, that they can do whatever they want with at any time. and the awful thing? is that they're right. A woman's worst nightmare? That's pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, "We're afraid of being killed."
source.
i walked quickly. i had my keys out in my hand. i watched the shadows out of the corner of my eye. i held my breath so i could hear his footsteps.
finally, i couldn't take it anymore and i stopped in front of a vacant building and pretended to look at the for sale sign on it. he walked past me and continued down the street and i realised that he was drunk.
when i got home i was shaking and i tried to explain to mrO how scared i'd been and how men should know not to do that sort of thing. but he didn't really get it.
two weeks ago i sat in np's office and tried to explain the sense of violation i experienced at 10, 11 and onwards because my body developed so rapidly that by the time i was 14 i looked fully grown. i tried to explain how it felt to have men looking at me in ways i could not explain then but know now have everything to do with how much a woman's body is deemed to be public property.
despite the fact that he is a genuinely caring, intelligent and understanding man, i don't think he got it.
i've spent a couple of hours this afternoon reading this post and some of its thousands of comments. and i was reminded of a somewhat flippant comment i made to a meme not long ago: 17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
proximity. how close is he and how fast can i get away.
and it's sad, because it's true. that is my default reaction to any male presence. all of the women in my family have been victimised in one way or another by men. i am, really, the lucky one. i've never been directly assaulted or physically harmed. i only endure the daily jabs we all do - men who shout at us, who follow us, who expose themselves to us, who call us names, who touch us without permission, who ignore us when we say 'no' or 'stop' or 'go away'. or men who just look, who look in such a way that we know they think of us as things, as property, that they can do whatever they want with at any time. and the awful thing? is that they're right. A woman's worst nightmare? That's pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, "They are afraid women will laugh at them." When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, "We're afraid of being killed."
source.