(no subject)
I've been working on writing stories lately. I'm not doing a good job of creating the stories at all. I am not good with a story arch. My biggest desire is to capture characters, rather than tell a story, or moreso, I want the story to be about the change in character. I am also interested in describing sex work. My goal is to write a semi-lengthy story that can be captured as a picture book, about the hedonism of stripping. I think my experience has given me a perspective most people don't have.
----
Last night I was talking with a youth, (age 11), about her brother's experience in jail. He was in jail for a crime which on the streets would be referred to as hustling, (although it was not drugs he was dealing). She told me about how her uncle hustles, (drugs), and how she doesn't like it but she does like getting money from him. I have never more emphatically and honestly talked to an 11 year old. I talked with her very openly about the dangers of getting used to easy money. I explained that Christmas money is one thing, but hustling money isn't anything she wants to be a part of. We talked about that for a little while.
It's amazing that these children are taking a course in violence prevention that deals with daily interactions. How do we deal with the violence that is inside of their hearts? They can learn how to walk away, or how to talk down a stressful situation. They can learn how to breathe instead of yelling, and how to do 'the right thing', (and when I say 'learn' I don't mean that they are told to do these things: The activities they have are completely engaging, and the ideas are not shoved down the kids throats. It's an awesome program I highly recommend). But none of those things undo the pain that has happened to them-and unless that pain is understood, cared for, unless that spot inside them that is broken and hurting gets repaired, I believe honestly that it will come out in some way, and eventually, for many kids, in a very bad way, no matter the lessons they learn about treating people nicely.
That being said, I think in the interim this is a very important step. Even beyond that I believe that having these lessons will help them make healthier decisions for a period of time, perhaps enough of a period of time that they'll get the help they need with the other tough things in their lives.
Working with kids is something I truly love doing. Being at the placement I'm in reminds me of the beauty, the calm, the certainty one can experience, (which I hadn't experienced for a year). I am constantly able to compliment kids on their progress. I am frequently able to teach people things. I am complimented in the sweetest ways, "Ms. Briana, everybody's good at something. You're good at keeping us calm, and making us feel safe and important." I wonder if these kids understand that there's a connection between their feeling of calm, and their feeling of safety? I wager that for some the answer is yes, and for some the answer is no.
One girl commented today that the room was so quiet that it made her feel 'peace inside'. These are not hippy dippy kids I'm working with, (although most kids I work with somehow turn into hippy dippy kids, and I'm not sure how because I'm not particularly hippy dippy myself). Another child commented that he liked my earrings which are weighted spirals. I let him feel the weight of my earring, while he took a break from the difficulty of understanding a complicated word problem related to the Pythagorean Theorem. Another boy, who almost didn't earn a star yesterday, told me he wouldn't be able to improve his behavior because he, "can't be anything but himself." When I told him I don't want him to be anybody but himself, but if in being himself he could throw the pencil in the air less, I'd appreciate it, he responded honestly, "Ms. Briana, throwing the pencil in the air is so fun though." I love that these kids, who I am so tough on academically, and who I push to have excellent behavior, can still be honest with me about how they're feeling. In the end we agreed that throwing pencils in the air is TOTALLY fun but not an acceptable thing to do in program because we are to use materials and possessions for their purposes. He'll leave the pencil throwing for at home, despite its awesomeness. He then produced several ideas about how to help himself not throw the pencil in the chance that it becomes a compulsion, (number one being that he puts the pencil on his table when he's not using it, rather than keeping it in his hand: Sometimes the easiest answer is the best answer).
---
----
Last night I was talking with a youth, (age 11), about her brother's experience in jail. He was in jail for a crime which on the streets would be referred to as hustling, (although it was not drugs he was dealing). She told me about how her uncle hustles, (drugs), and how she doesn't like it but she does like getting money from him. I have never more emphatically and honestly talked to an 11 year old. I talked with her very openly about the dangers of getting used to easy money. I explained that Christmas money is one thing, but hustling money isn't anything she wants to be a part of. We talked about that for a little while.
It's amazing that these children are taking a course in violence prevention that deals with daily interactions. How do we deal with the violence that is inside of their hearts? They can learn how to walk away, or how to talk down a stressful situation. They can learn how to breathe instead of yelling, and how to do 'the right thing', (and when I say 'learn' I don't mean that they are told to do these things: The activities they have are completely engaging, and the ideas are not shoved down the kids throats. It's an awesome program I highly recommend). But none of those things undo the pain that has happened to them-and unless that pain is understood, cared for, unless that spot inside them that is broken and hurting gets repaired, I believe honestly that it will come out in some way, and eventually, for many kids, in a very bad way, no matter the lessons they learn about treating people nicely.
That being said, I think in the interim this is a very important step. Even beyond that I believe that having these lessons will help them make healthier decisions for a period of time, perhaps enough of a period of time that they'll get the help they need with the other tough things in their lives.
Working with kids is something I truly love doing. Being at the placement I'm in reminds me of the beauty, the calm, the certainty one can experience, (which I hadn't experienced for a year). I am constantly able to compliment kids on their progress. I am frequently able to teach people things. I am complimented in the sweetest ways, "Ms. Briana, everybody's good at something. You're good at keeping us calm, and making us feel safe and important." I wonder if these kids understand that there's a connection between their feeling of calm, and their feeling of safety? I wager that for some the answer is yes, and for some the answer is no.
One girl commented today that the room was so quiet that it made her feel 'peace inside'. These are not hippy dippy kids I'm working with, (although most kids I work with somehow turn into hippy dippy kids, and I'm not sure how because I'm not particularly hippy dippy myself). Another child commented that he liked my earrings which are weighted spirals. I let him feel the weight of my earring, while he took a break from the difficulty of understanding a complicated word problem related to the Pythagorean Theorem. Another boy, who almost didn't earn a star yesterday, told me he wouldn't be able to improve his behavior because he, "can't be anything but himself." When I told him I don't want him to be anybody but himself, but if in being himself he could throw the pencil in the air less, I'd appreciate it, he responded honestly, "Ms. Briana, throwing the pencil in the air is so fun though." I love that these kids, who I am so tough on academically, and who I push to have excellent behavior, can still be honest with me about how they're feeling. In the end we agreed that throwing pencils in the air is TOTALLY fun but not an acceptable thing to do in program because we are to use materials and possessions for their purposes. He'll leave the pencil throwing for at home, despite its awesomeness. He then produced several ideas about how to help himself not throw the pencil in the chance that it becomes a compulsion, (number one being that he puts the pencil on his table when he's not using it, rather than keeping it in his hand: Sometimes the easiest answer is the best answer).
---