Flat Breadies: Four Playing Cards a Bite
I went to Breugger's this morning because I had nothing for breakfast in the house. To my great relief, the Dirty Bagel Lady was not working. I've been meaning to bitch about the Dirty Bagel Lady (hereafter called DBL) for quite some time now. She is the Pig Pen of the bagel shop. She is always filthy, nasty, sweaty dirty. Her apron is always covered in goo. Her work area behind the counter is always a mess. Her hair is all over the place behind her visor. And her aura of filth extends to everything she touches. One time she handed me my bagel and the paper it was in was soaking wet. I had watched her make it and the counter was dry. Where did the wetness come from? Don't answer that! Once when she handed me my change, all the coins were sticky and stuck together. Then there was the time she was making my bagel with a tiny droplet of sweat dangling from her nose. At least I hope it was sweat. God answered my prayers and she wrapped my bagel and handed it to me before it fell off her nose.
Not only is she dirty, she sucks at her job. She got halfway through making my sandwich one time before she realized she was making the wrong thing and had to start over. Another time, I ordered a half dozen, three honey grain and three cranberry orange and she had to ask me three times to repeat my order. Then she made a joke about "honey orange" and "cranberry grain" and got visibly pissed off when I didn't laugh. I also didn't laugh that time she called my honey grain bagel with honey walnut cream chesse a "honey and honey." One time, her stupidity worked in my favor. I ordered a bundle which is a half dozen and container of cream cheese. When she rung up my order, she didn't charge me the bundle price, just the half dozen price. I got the cream cheese free. I knew what she did but I didn't correct her. I felt it was my small compensation for having to deal with her filth.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah.
DBL wasn't working at the bagel shop but there was a spastic new guy there. I ordered my sandwich and he recited all the ingredients and asked me if that was okay. He was also very apologetic that I had had to wiat in line for 15 seconds. He was bending over backwards to please me which got a little annoying. And, after verifying twice the ingredients of the sandwich, when I bit into I realized he had put the wrong cream cheese on it. It had onion and chive, which is gross, instead of herb garlic, which is delicious.
I ate it anyway even though I don't really like onion that much unless it's red and sliced on the sandwich, which it also was, so this sandwich was, like, triple oniony which I didn't care for.
Besides, I was wearing an onion on my belt, as was the style of the time.
Not only is she dirty, she sucks at her job. She got halfway through making my sandwich one time before she realized she was making the wrong thing and had to start over. Another time, I ordered a half dozen, three honey grain and three cranberry orange and she had to ask me three times to repeat my order. Then she made a joke about "honey orange" and "cranberry grain" and got visibly pissed off when I didn't laugh. I also didn't laugh that time she called my honey grain bagel with honey walnut cream chesse a "honey and honey." One time, her stupidity worked in my favor. I ordered a bundle which is a half dozen and container of cream cheese. When she rung up my order, she didn't charge me the bundle price, just the half dozen price. I got the cream cheese free. I knew what she did but I didn't correct her. I felt it was my small compensation for having to deal with her filth.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah.
DBL wasn't working at the bagel shop but there was a spastic new guy there. I ordered my sandwich and he recited all the ingredients and asked me if that was okay. He was also very apologetic that I had had to wiat in line for 15 seconds. He was bending over backwards to please me which got a little annoying. And, after verifying twice the ingredients of the sandwich, when I bit into I realized he had put the wrong cream cheese on it. It had onion and chive, which is gross, instead of herb garlic, which is delicious.
I ate it anyway even though I don't really like onion that much unless it's red and sliced on the sandwich, which it also was, so this sandwich was, like, triple oniony which I didn't care for.
Besides, I was wearing an onion on my belt, as was the style of the time.