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I hate the feelings deep down inside of me, as they hurt so much and no one can see them as they tend to be hidden from one and all as I hate pity, I am a very strong person most of the time but for some reason right now I don't know what to do with myself....I see so many of my closest friends hurting so much and I can't help but hurt myself as most of them as they mean the world to me, how am I to deal with this, I hate people I have never or barely met before because of how they treat my friends, which isnt very right as I don't know them, but what right do they have to hurt my friends? I just dont know, on that point what right do I have to hurt anyone else, I have none as I am no better than anyone if anything I am worse than them but then why do I do it, I don't know and its destroying me....I have hurt so many people over the last couple of years with things I have said or done, seriously or not, drunk or not, if I said them that must mean somewhere subconsciously I must have been thinking them, all I have to say to anyone I have hurt is that I'm extremely sorry and can only wish for you to forgive me, but that can't happen with all things as I already know now, I'm so sick of this feeling of hurt and as it has hit me many of time along the last couple of years and because of it I have done some in return and I shouldn't have, I may have ruined some things that may just well have been the best things I ever had, I will never know now as they have been thoroughly destroyed and have no chance of reconciliation but I now have to live with that.....the thing I don't understand is why this is hitting me at this moment, I mean my life is going so great, I'm the SMC like I wanted so much, I have many opportunities for a gf if I really want one, my friends have turned out greater than I ever could have asked, I'm finally feeling physically good again, so why this, I think it may be just the closure of all of this, that I need to get this out and get some closure to some of the things I've done, especially to some very beautiful females over the time, I know things can be said but things do change over time, well not much else to say so I'm out.