screenwriter pity party
I write all the time, and I am constantly in the middle of three or four stories, but when they come out at Writing Group, I never feel like they're working, or are handled with the grace or skill of some of the other writers. They are torn apart, and I realize how little some of my ideas work, and I realize one of my weakest spots is telling an interesting story. I lack pop sensibility, and I lack a general ease or instinct with moviemaking as a narrative medium--but I also lack a strong style or visual storytelling grace that would make up for or cover up that deficiency. I need to write more visually, and I need to write more action, and I need events motivated by other events, and I need to write things that are fun, charming, and intriguing.
I know exactly how I want to write, and then I look at what I do write, and I wonder what went wrong.
Maybe I'm getting better--I mean TWOMP and even Minus are definitely a leap forward from the scripts for Joyriders and Amnesia Hotel, and Ellipsis is slowly evolving into a story where things happen and people have problems and motivations. But, for some reason, this doesn't come easy to me. My worldview seems to exist outside of such concerns, and the introverted, extra-low-key melancholic world I present in my works is difficult to get inside of, to care about, or to get a feel for--let alone to want more of.
Minus collapsed a little under its own weight tonight, and instead of feeling like I had a handle on how to repair it, I was left with the feeling I had when I was trying to pass off the Drunk Girl story, or the Marvin/Petra story, or the Keychain outline. I felt like I was presenting masturbatory works, exercises in writing without form or direction or structure. I felt like I'd just written to write something, and then I brought it to a bunch of actual writers, and although they were clear about it not working, they still had to be polite and try and help me see where it failed (every word) and why it failed (it was not a story) and what could be done to help it (delete it and write something that doesn't suck). To be fair, Minus is maybe salvageable (but not easily) and it's not as bad as all that, but the point is I feel, sometimes, like "that guy" in the writing class. Which feels awful.
Talking a little with Andy about "feeling deflated" by all this, he volunteers the kind comment that I am the most prolific writer among us and I write "mostly great" stuff. I told him I wasn't sure I agreed, but I do feel capable of greatness, as a writer. I feel like I have great writing in me. Probably all writers feel that way about themselves, but I think you have to, right? You can't write and not believe what you're writing is great (I once read that a writer by nature must feel each work he's made is simultaneously the greatest thing ever conceived and the biggest, shittiest pile of shit ever shat... not in those words, but I think the sentiment's absolutely true).
I think Andy and I are a good influence on each other. I like to think. I know it works one way at least. And Brie and Russ and the others, of course. But Andy and I seem to talk about it the most. We've agreed that moving in together will hopefully mean good things for both our productivities.
But right now: I am frustrated with myself as a writer. I'm annoyed and dismayed that I cannot write a good story, or rather that what I am compelled to write does not come out "good." It comes out well, from time to time, but it lacks the above things (action, distinct motivation and linearity, pop sensibilities, humor, charm, intrigue, fun, style, visual storytelling) that I so want in my pictures, that I admire above all else in others' works.
I've got to figure that out!
I know exactly how I want to write, and then I look at what I do write, and I wonder what went wrong.
Maybe I'm getting better--I mean TWOMP and even Minus are definitely a leap forward from the scripts for Joyriders and Amnesia Hotel, and Ellipsis is slowly evolving into a story where things happen and people have problems and motivations. But, for some reason, this doesn't come easy to me. My worldview seems to exist outside of such concerns, and the introverted, extra-low-key melancholic world I present in my works is difficult to get inside of, to care about, or to get a feel for--let alone to want more of.
Minus collapsed a little under its own weight tonight, and instead of feeling like I had a handle on how to repair it, I was left with the feeling I had when I was trying to pass off the Drunk Girl story, or the Marvin/Petra story, or the Keychain outline. I felt like I was presenting masturbatory works, exercises in writing without form or direction or structure. I felt like I'd just written to write something, and then I brought it to a bunch of actual writers, and although they were clear about it not working, they still had to be polite and try and help me see where it failed (every word) and why it failed (it was not a story) and what could be done to help it (delete it and write something that doesn't suck). To be fair, Minus is maybe salvageable (but not easily) and it's not as bad as all that, but the point is I feel, sometimes, like "that guy" in the writing class. Which feels awful.
Talking a little with Andy about "feeling deflated" by all this, he volunteers the kind comment that I am the most prolific writer among us and I write "mostly great" stuff. I told him I wasn't sure I agreed, but I do feel capable of greatness, as a writer. I feel like I have great writing in me. Probably all writers feel that way about themselves, but I think you have to, right? You can't write and not believe what you're writing is great (I once read that a writer by nature must feel each work he's made is simultaneously the greatest thing ever conceived and the biggest, shittiest pile of shit ever shat... not in those words, but I think the sentiment's absolutely true).
I think Andy and I are a good influence on each other. I like to think. I know it works one way at least. And Brie and Russ and the others, of course. But Andy and I seem to talk about it the most. We've agreed that moving in together will hopefully mean good things for both our productivities.
But right now: I am frustrated with myself as a writer. I'm annoyed and dismayed that I cannot write a good story, or rather that what I am compelled to write does not come out "good." It comes out well, from time to time, but it lacks the above things (action, distinct motivation and linearity, pop sensibilities, humor, charm, intrigue, fun, style, visual storytelling) that I so want in my pictures, that I admire above all else in others' works.
I've got to figure that out!