next up on confessions of banality: me!
"All his life has he looked away to the future, the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmmph!"
I'm not going to tell you what that quote is from, or why it's been a part of me for the last twenty-seven years or so. It's probably obvious. But I will say this: I live my entire life like everything's a transitory state, as though soon I will settle down and begin, just after such-and-such. Call it procrastination, but I have always, always worried more about the future than I have the present, and I live as though the present is nothing but a soon-to-be past experience I will be able to look back upon and reflect. I have written lines to this extent. ("Jean treats each experience like it's a memory, even while it's still happening to him.") I have lost multiple lovers to this. I have struggled my whole life with a lack of commitment to the now and an exuberance of commitment to the potential of the soon-to-be or the someday.
This is a problem. It always has been. I think many and/or all of my social and personal problems either stem from this or are connected to it. I do not know how to stop.
I don't live in the present. I don't know how. I never have.
That is all.
I'm not going to tell you what that quote is from, or why it's been a part of me for the last twenty-seven years or so. It's probably obvious. But I will say this: I live my entire life like everything's a transitory state, as though soon I will settle down and begin, just after such-and-such. Call it procrastination, but I have always, always worried more about the future than I have the present, and I live as though the present is nothing but a soon-to-be past experience I will be able to look back upon and reflect. I have written lines to this extent. ("Jean treats each experience like it's a memory, even while it's still happening to him.") I have lost multiple lovers to this. I have struggled my whole life with a lack of commitment to the now and an exuberance of commitment to the potential of the soon-to-be or the someday.
This is a problem. It always has been. I think many and/or all of my social and personal problems either stem from this or are connected to it. I do not know how to stop.
I don't live in the present. I don't know how. I never have.
That is all.