AAAAAAAAAUGH
I'm very upset, very angry, and feeling very beaten and let down.
I need a fucking lawyer. I need the college to be clearer about that bit in the bylaws about "help available." I need DSS to stop offering me EXTRA TIME ON EXAMS. I'M A FUCKING ART STUDENT.
I need to stop crying long enough to get things done. Nobody takes you seriously when you cry. Nobody listens to you when you cry. Why is the first thing someone says to you "calm down"? Why do we always have to be calm to get things done when we're REALLY FUCKING UPSET?
I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN, I WANT TO RUN HER OVER WITH MY CAR. AND THEN BACK UP AND DO IT AGAIN. And then I want to burn my hands on something for being so, so stupid, AGAIN.
I want my mother to stop telling me I have to get this done. Saying "if it were me I'd have had it done two weeks after I got the grade" isn't HELPING. Don't you remember what you said when this began, quoting that guy you got information from? The thing about expecting people with anxiety to follow through face to face being unrealistic because of intense feelings of shame?
Evidently not. You do like to tell me, very much scolding, that "every time someone tells you 'no' you back down." Excuse me for twenty years of conditioning to obey authority. I'll get right on that.
So when I'm crying alone,
And when I'm cold as a dying stone,
Grow me a garden of roses.
Paint me the colors of sky and rain-
Teach me to speak with their voices.
Show me the way and I'll try again.
I need a fucking lawyer. I need the college to be clearer about that bit in the bylaws about "help available." I need DSS to stop offering me EXTRA TIME ON EXAMS. I'M A FUCKING ART STUDENT.
I need to stop crying long enough to get things done. Nobody takes you seriously when you cry. Nobody listens to you when you cry. Why is the first thing someone says to you "calm down"? Why do we always have to be calm to get things done when we're REALLY FUCKING UPSET?
I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN, I WANT TO RUN HER OVER WITH MY CAR. AND THEN BACK UP AND DO IT AGAIN. And then I want to burn my hands on something for being so, so stupid, AGAIN.
I want my mother to stop telling me I have to get this done. Saying "if it were me I'd have had it done two weeks after I got the grade" isn't HELPING. Don't you remember what you said when this began, quoting that guy you got information from? The thing about expecting people with anxiety to follow through face to face being unrealistic because of intense feelings of shame?
Evidently not. You do like to tell me, very much scolding, that "every time someone tells you 'no' you back down." Excuse me for twenty years of conditioning to obey authority. I'll get right on that.
So when I'm crying alone,
And when I'm cold as a dying stone,
Grow me a garden of roses.
Paint me the colors of sky and rain-
Teach me to speak with their voices.
Show me the way and I'll try again.