Biopsy...
Back in November, I was washing my hair one morning, and felt an enlarged lymph node. After that initial feeling of panic of coming across what felt like a large marble in my neck, I realized what it was... It was tender, and much bigger than normal. I asked Dan's brother, Bryan, who is a chiropractor about it, and I also asked my friend Heather, who's an RN. (Hi Bryan and Heather!!) They both agreed that it was a lymph node. I remember that I didn't have a cold or flu at the time, but lymph nodes can get enlarged pretty easily. My body was probably fighting off some sort of low-grade infection that I wasn't even aware of.
Fast forward to earlier this month... The lymph node had lost the tenderness, and had shrunk some, but was still enlarged. I was starting to wonder about this... In the past, they had always returned to normal. Not this one... I noticed that my hand would drift up to my neck and feel around to see if it it was still there, or had changed size at all. Nope. Still enlarged. I started to research what an extendly (is that even a word?) enlarged lymph node meant. And every place I consulted said that I should see my doctor since it had been enlarged for a couple of months, because it could be something serious.
As most of you know, both of my parents have had leukemia, and other forms of cancer, including leukemia, run pretty rampant on both sides of my family. It's always in the back of my mind. I take lumps and bumps very seriously, almost to the point of anality (once again, is that a word?) I do monthly breast self exams, and I'm basically very sensitive about changes in my body. (Except for my skin. I really should see a dermatologist on a yearly basis.) I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed, but I also realize that this anality could very easily become an obsession. I try not to let it creep into too many of my thoughts, but I'll be honest; it's always very near the surface.
Besides the lump, I also realized that I basically have been feeling kinda crappy for the past month at least; a big decrease in appetite, low energy, always tired, cold a good portion of the time, blah, blah, blah. I decided that I should probably pay a visit to my nurse practitioner to see what's going on. My appointment was on January 9th. I talked to her about how I was feeling, and she examined my node, along with checking for other enlarged nodes. She couldn't find any though, and said that she felt the lymph node had probably become calcified, and would probably remain enlarged.
She did do a complete blood count, however, and told me that if the node didn't shrink in about a month, or I started to run fevers/have night sweats to come back in and see her. So, I diddy-bopped over to the lab, had them draw a vial of blood, and was on my way, relieved that things had gone so well.
My clinic has something called MyChart, which is basically a website where you sign in, and you can get test results, see if you need any inoculations, any health reminders, etc, etc, etc. So, I checked periodically to see if my CBC (complete blood count) had posted yet. I noticed that my red blood cell count (RBC) had, and it was normal, which put my mind even further at ease. The other counts hadn't posted yet, but I had no more worries whatsoever. When my mom got sick back in 2005, her white cell count was in the normal ranges, but her RBC and platelets were both out of whack. So, having a normal RBC count was good; my cells were making enough of them, and my body was getting enough oxygen. Which means I'm also not anemic.
However, (isn't there always a however?) my white blood cell (WBC) and platelet count both came back elevated. Jenny, my nurse practitioner, emailed me on the 11th, and told me that she wanted me to get in to see a surgeon about having the node biopsied now instead of waiting another month, because of the elevated levels.
My first thought was "Fuck. I don't want to deal with this." However, avoidance never solved anything, so I called and made an appointment with the surgeon for a consult. My appointment was on the 18th... So, the week passes between finding out about my CBC and meeting with the surgeon, but it finally rolls around, and I go to my appointment. My surgeon, Dr. Krook, was a very nice, very cute guy, probably not even 40. He came into the room, examined the node, felt for others, sat down, and sighed. He told me that he felt the node was actually "node sized" and not really enlarged at all, but wanted to check things out anyway. He told me that I had some options; I could either have it biopsied under local anesthesia, have it biopsied under general anesthesia, or have it CT scanned to see what was going on. I kind of perked up at the idea of just having a scan, because the idea of having a needle stuck into my neck, or having my neck cut into didn't appeal to me in the least, oddly enough. However, I told him that it was his call on what he wanted to do. He decided to do the biopsy under a local. When I was leaving his office, I walked past him at the nurses' station, and he was on the phone... I overheard him say, "I could barely feel it... *pause* Oh THAT'S interesting..." I felt put off by his remarks, but I had to remind myself that I didn't know if he was talking about me or not. I'm pretty sure that he didn't have a chance to see another patient between the time he left the room and the time I did, but I still don't know who or what he was talking about. In all honesty, I felt stupid about seeing a surgeon for this node, but I also figure that I'd rather be safe than sorry. And apparently Jenny and Dr. K both felt the same as well.
My biopsy was scheduled for this afternoon at 2. I arrived at Special Procedures shortly after 1 to get registered, and was informed that Dr. Krook was running late and that there were 2 other patients ahead of me who were having procedures done as well, which I was fine with. I had brought a book to read and didn't have any plans for the afternoon.
After waiting for an hour, the nurse called me back and told me it was time. I went into the procedure room, and disrobed from the waist up, and put on one of those great hospital gowns that doesn't cover anything up. Dr. K came in, and we were on our way.
At first, I was lying down on the bed, but he decided it would be easier if I was sitting up. So, I dangled my legs over the side of the bed, and Dr. K marked the spot where the node was. The nurse, Maureen, got me scrubbed up with iodine, and then I got my shot of lidocane, along with epinephrine, aka adrenaline. I was told the shot would be the worst part of the procedure, so the nurse held my hands, but it didn't even hurt that bad. I was facing some art on the wall, so I could see the reflection of what he was doing the entire time. He used surgical drapes over the spot, but I could still see what he was doing.
He cut into my skin, and started looking for the node. It turns out the node was much deeper than he thought it was, so he had to make a bigger incision. The damn thing ended up to be hiding underneath the muscle, so Dr. K had to do some serious rooting around in my neck to find it. It was weird seeing the reflection in the picture; me with my head cocked to the side, neck exposed, and the surgeon sticking his fingers into my neck. (Sorry if you're squeamish.) I could see what he was doing, and I felt pressure, but not being able to feel what I should've felt was just weird.
The worst part of the whole thing was the adrenaline. My legs started to shake, and it worked its way up my body. Pretty soon, Dr. K had to stop working because I was shaking so badly. He had me lean forward and take some really deep breaths so I wouldn't pass out. I had to keep reminding myself to keep breathing. I didn't feel nauseous or dizzy, but I could not stop shaking. I also felt on the verge of tears, but I've had reactions to anesthesia in the past, so I blame it on that. Even now though, almost 6 hours later, I still feel jittery and trembly.
He eventually found the lymph node, and got it out of me. He took the entire thing, and showed it to me. To me, it looked like a little blob of fat, but I have no medical training, so I wouldn't know a node from a piece of fat, apparently. That's why Dr. K is making the big bucks, and I don't. It's also why I'm not a surgeon and he is.
He got me stitched up, and patched up, and sent the node up to pathology to be tested. He said they'll look for abnormal cells, and tumor markers and whatever else they look for when they do biopsies.
And then it was done. He left, and I still had the shakes. The nurse took my blood pressure, and it was 154/98, which is really high, but she said it was due to nerves and the adrenaline, and that it would return to normal.
I should be finding out the results by Friday. I'm slightly nervous, but I know that everything will be fine. I'm relieved that the biopsy is done. I was more worried about that than I was the outcome, but the anticipation was much worse than the actual procedure. Don't get me wrong; I'm not going to sign up for one of these again, but at least I know that it's honestly not that bad.
So now it's just a matter of time before I can either put this thing to rest or face whatever I need to face. Hopefully it's the latter, but I feel it truly will be.