HAPPY HAPPY MERRY MERRY
Not to make anyone who still reads me gag...but yeah. *Happy*
I am really enjoying and abusing this week off and seem to be getting in lots of real "quality" visiting with ppl and somehow getting home every night at 2AM.
Today was the day I hauled out the rest of my UNdone taxes and take care of them on my lunch hour. I get to the place and I open my big silver file box...CDs! Wrong box. The box is at my parents' then! This means taxes for tomorrow's lunch hour too. *groan*
SO I went to my parents tonight. My mom and I went through old ornaments (we haven't had an officialy x-mas tree in years (as we kids never have many days off to help take it down and they have bad back...and we have lots of freaky decoratable plants! We names her "Marge".
Anyhoo...This weekend while T and I were decorating our tree, I had this weird thought of how it was too bad I didn't ask for any of my grandma's ornaments as I used to help her decorate too...and it'd be so nice to have soemthing like that to pass down... That was a sad but brief thought, all to find out that among all the generations of family photos my mom and I have been scanning since they've been going through the stuff, my DAD brought me and my bro home a few ornaments....
One was a beautiful wooden violin I remember. He chose that one for me as he thought it was like the guitar I used to play as a teenager. AWww...(ok maybe I'm softening/weakening a lot, but with all these really great kind ppl passing away and more ppl becoming more close as a result, as well as the things I've been realizing about what's really important in life, I've found I'm getting much more...I dunno. Grounded. Appreciative. Determined... to be as good as I can as these amazing ppl were to me...*shrugs* TANGENT!)
All to say, that now this ornament has double meaning as my dad is rarely thoughtful like that. So it means a lot. My mom also went through with me, and let me take some of my fave ornaments from the family box so at least they'll be used....and so now my city tree will be more, ...special. *blushes* (again sorry- I promise my next post will be ANGRY and bitter to make up for this one! lol.)
I've also gained comfort in the fact that I've recently decided that I do in fact want to have children...down the road. For the last year or so I've been petrified due to my really starting to not want them ever. Little people, 16 yrs, and the fact that people scare the hell out of me all too often and this often scary world with all its flaws... It was scaring me that all these years of assuming I would have x amount of kids, do certain things...and just having that suddenly evaporate without understanding why. I guess some tiny good has come within me from the passings of these women.
So this sunday, the day of the Eve (the night my swiss family celebrates) I will be going down to see my grandparents' house before it gets sold. I plan on filming it actually...so there will never be that "what did it used to look like?" or warp more and more with every passing year). I'll be going down with my dad which shall be different but something I'm looking forward to, and takinn my grandpa out and hopefully seeing my aunt who everyone has noticed is I am very much alike after so many years of not seeing her, we see her more now since the death and she is really awesome. You see over the last few years...on my mom's side we've severed a few ties with a lot of ppl who were just not nice, vultures, f-ed up and what have yout, and so the family we do see, minus the ones who live far way, is very small, so it's really nice to reconnect and find out the other side has good people on it too, more than just relatives. :) I really feel like I'm growing up a lot in these last few weeks, and it's comforting.
I should go to bed....I wonder what tomorrow's adventure shall be...I smell finally hitting the gym with a new pal of mine and photo taking at night with another friend, and maybe a bit of x-mas shopping.
goodnight guys. I hope some of the warmth I'm feeling right now can be shared here. xx
I am really enjoying and abusing this week off and seem to be getting in lots of real "quality" visiting with ppl and somehow getting home every night at 2AM.
Today was the day I hauled out the rest of my UNdone taxes and take care of them on my lunch hour. I get to the place and I open my big silver file box...CDs! Wrong box. The box is at my parents' then! This means taxes for tomorrow's lunch hour too. *groan*
SO I went to my parents tonight. My mom and I went through old ornaments (we haven't had an officialy x-mas tree in years (as we kids never have many days off to help take it down and they have bad back...and we have lots of freaky decoratable plants! We names her "Marge".
Anyhoo...This weekend while T and I were decorating our tree, I had this weird thought of how it was too bad I didn't ask for any of my grandma's ornaments as I used to help her decorate too...and it'd be so nice to have soemthing like that to pass down... That was a sad but brief thought, all to find out that among all the generations of family photos my mom and I have been scanning since they've been going through the stuff, my DAD brought me and my bro home a few ornaments....
One was a beautiful wooden violin I remember. He chose that one for me as he thought it was like the guitar I used to play as a teenager. AWww...(ok maybe I'm softening/weakening a lot, but with all these really great kind ppl passing away and more ppl becoming more close as a result, as well as the things I've been realizing about what's really important in life, I've found I'm getting much more...I dunno. Grounded. Appreciative. Determined... to be as good as I can as these amazing ppl were to me...*shrugs* TANGENT!)
All to say, that now this ornament has double meaning as my dad is rarely thoughtful like that. So it means a lot. My mom also went through with me, and let me take some of my fave ornaments from the family box so at least they'll be used....and so now my city tree will be more, ...special. *blushes* (again sorry- I promise my next post will be ANGRY and bitter to make up for this one! lol.)
I've also gained comfort in the fact that I've recently decided that I do in fact want to have children...down the road. For the last year or so I've been petrified due to my really starting to not want them ever. Little people, 16 yrs, and the fact that people scare the hell out of me all too often and this often scary world with all its flaws... It was scaring me that all these years of assuming I would have x amount of kids, do certain things...and just having that suddenly evaporate without understanding why. I guess some tiny good has come within me from the passings of these women.
So this sunday, the day of the Eve (the night my swiss family celebrates) I will be going down to see my grandparents' house before it gets sold. I plan on filming it actually...so there will never be that "what did it used to look like?" or warp more and more with every passing year). I'll be going down with my dad which shall be different but something I'm looking forward to, and takinn my grandpa out and hopefully seeing my aunt who everyone has noticed is I am very much alike after so many years of not seeing her, we see her more now since the death and she is really awesome. You see over the last few years...on my mom's side we've severed a few ties with a lot of ppl who were just not nice, vultures, f-ed up and what have yout, and so the family we do see, minus the ones who live far way, is very small, so it's really nice to reconnect and find out the other side has good people on it too, more than just relatives. :) I really feel like I'm growing up a lot in these last few weeks, and it's comforting.
I should go to bed....I wonder what tomorrow's adventure shall be...I smell finally hitting the gym with a new pal of mine and photo taking at night with another friend, and maybe a bit of x-mas shopping.
goodnight guys. I hope some of the warmth I'm feeling right now can be shared here. xx