When I disappear 11
Title:When I disappear Chapter 11
Author: traumschwinge
Wordcount: 5000+
Characters: Lovino, Feliciano, Roderich, Gilbert, Ludwig
Fandom: Axis Powers: Hetalia
Rating: T
Summary: Roderich and Gilbert both make some progress while Lovino is showing by what means he managed to get the house he bought in the last chapter on sale.
Roderich was looking out at the backyard through the terrace door. He could feel Gilbert staring at his back but didn't say anything. It was a bright and warm Saturday. Bright and warm enough for Ludwig to decide that he wanted to have a barbecue. Roderich didn't mind at all. It would be summer soon, Roderich knew. Weird to think about it that all he remembered from the previous summer that it had been unbearably hot in the attic.
Roderich had stepped aside to let Ludwig through, who had decided that since this was one of his days off, he could as well spend all of it playing around with the grill which hadn't been in use since the past fall, from what Roderich was told. Judging by the bucket in his hand, foam slowly sliding down on one side, and the sponge in his other, he meant to clean the thing first.
"Do you want to eat outside?" Gilbert said.
Roderich shrugged. "Do you want to?" he asked instead. Since Elizabeta's visit a week or two before - Roderich still had a horrible sense of time and he should do something about that soon - he hadn't tried to leave the house. He was more at ease with open curtains by now, but that seemed to be the only progress.
Gilbert smiled at him. Roderich had learned to consider the grin that graced Gilbert's lips at a lot of occasions as a way of smiling. Apparently, Gilbert wasn't very good at more normal smiles. "Of course I want to," he declared, pushing the sheets of paper in his hands onto the table in front of him which was also littered with what Gilbert had called reports and work before. "Eating outside is what you usually do when having a barbecue."
"Should we," Roderich sighed. He cleared his throat, trying to get the lump down. "Should we try to go outside?" he asked, his voice shaking. It wasn't that bad, he told himself. No one would be able to see him there, save for the next door neighbors. No one would be able to come up at him and snatch him away either, he told himself. It couldn't be too bad going outside. And he would have to eventually. He couldn't stay inside forever. He didn't want to.
For a moment, Gilbert seems to consider this. Roderich assumed that Gilbert was a bit annoyed by the last try, even though he'd never said so. Roderich himself was frustrated by that, so very frustrated, he couldn't imagined it not being worse for Gilbert. But in the end, Gilbert gets up, pushing his papers into some sort of order so there is only one big stash of paper left on the table instead of several small ones on table, couch and floor.
He took two cushions before he walked to Roderich. "We can try," he said. To Roderich, it almost sounded like a very resigned sigh. "Are you sure you really want to? That I'm not-we're not," he corrected himself "putting to much pressure on you to go outside, are we?" He looked worried, even to Roderich who still had trouble admitting that people might be worried about him.
Roderich quickly shook his head. "I don't want to stay inside forever," he sighed. He had not even once left this house since he had arrived. It couldn't be just him who found that highly worrying. Besides, he could stand next to an open door and enjoy the warm breeze coming in through it, so he should finally make the next step and go outside and enjoy the sun. It wouldn't try to kill him, he should know that.
It seemed, this was enough for Gilbert as he nodded, handing over one of the cushions to Roderich. "How about we sit down on the doorstep and talk?" he asked. It seemed like he had thought this through before. "That way, we wouldn't really be outside and if you need to, you could get back inside as soon as you want."
"Wouldn't we be in the way?" Roderich asked, his gaze resting on Ludwig, who was happily busy with his grill.
"Nah, we're fine," Gilbert reassured him. "He won't go back inside for quite a while, I'm sure of that. And even if, he has a mouth to talk." Roderich shook his head in disapproval, but didn't argue anymore. He wanted to do this, after all. He didn't want to give Gilbert the idea that he didn't.
So he took the cushion and settled down next to, but not exactly on the doorstep. This seemed good enough for Gilbert, who took his seat directly on the doorstep. Roderich was almost sure this would cause a little fight between the brothers later. That didn't seem to bother Gilbert at all who must know this just as well.
"So," Gilbert asked after a while they had spent watching Ludwig cleaning the grill. "Did Elizabeta tell you about her new boyfriend?"
Roderich rolled his eyes. Tact wasn't one of Gilbert's strong sides. "A little bit," he said. This wasn't true. Elizabeta had told him a lot about her new boyfriend and Roderich had already decided that he didn't like that guy at all.
Gilbert raised any eyebrow. "Aw, come on!" he moaned. "I know she told you more about him than she told me!" Roderich couldn't hold back a sigh. He didn't like this topic. But then again, he couldn't think of a better one. And the way Ludwig's jeans stretched when the young man bend forward was definitely everything but a good topic.
Roderich cleared his throat and banished the thoughts of a man he never had been interested in like that. "He seems to be a hunk," Roderich said grimly, repeating the word his best friend had used to describe the new man in her life. "And the longest relationship she ever had." Even that didn't help him thinking better of that guy.
Gilbert furrowed his brows. "That's good, isn't it?" he asked. "If she's happy with him and stuff, I mean."
Roderich sighed. "I hope so," he said. "Her taste in men is … inconsistent at best and dangerous at worst." He didn't feel good knowing that Elizabeta was dating a man he had never met. At least, she had told him about her so-called boyfriend without him asking. It wasn't enough to set his mind at rest though.
"What do you mean?" By now, Roderich was sure Gilbert and Elizabeta were either not that good friends or never talked about things like this.
"Ludwig's her type," Roderich explained. "Well, physically at least. But she never wanted to date him. Ever."
"She just wanted you to date him?" Gilbert chimed in. So he recalled the talk they had had before about this topic.
With a smile, Roderich nodded. "She really means well, you know?" He knew her reasons for setting him, and others of her male friends, up with other guys. No matter how you put it, he had always been grateful for that. Never for his dear life would he have flirted with another man otherwise. "When it came to me, as soon as we were friends, she only ever had meant well and put me before anything. She's the best friend I could have asked for. She's very dear to me."
"Sound's like you're married to her," Gilbert snorted.
Roderich shrugged. "If she hadn't set me up with guys and made me flirt with them, I probably would have asked her," he said, pleased by the disbelieving reaction this received from Gilbert. It even made him smile some more. "She's the most perfect woman I could ever imagine. It would be an honor to be her husband."
"I think, you're confusing things here," Gilbert said, still staring at him like he'd finally lost his marbles. "By perfect, you sure mean horrible or fearsome and by honor, I could only imagine to call it the worst punishment ever."
Roderich huffed. "You think, she's a witch," he said.
"No, I think she has bewitched you, totally different," Gilbert insisted.
All Roderich could do was shrug. "If so, I don't mind her bewitching me," he said. "I have benefited enough from it. Like …" He searched for a good example. "Like meeting Ludwig and Antonio." As soon as he said that second name, he looked down and bit his lips. Antonio... His chest suddenly hurt, but it was an old pain. When had he last thought about his former boyfriend?
Gilbert didn't immediately comment that either. Not even when Roderich looked up, avoiding Gilbert's gaze at first and rather watching Ludwig wiping his hands before he took out his cell phone and, with a rare smile on his lips and in his eyes, answered a text.
"You know, I'm not at all mad at him," Roderich whispered when the silence had become unbearably.
Gilbert only snorted.
"It's not his fault, and you know this just as well as I do," Roderich said. He was now looking at Gilbert, trying to be angry with him. "He didn't send those guys after me. It was … bad luck, that's all."
"So you still defend him?" Gilbert said flatly.
"So you still judge him for no reason?" Roderich replied.
"It isn't for no reason," Gilbert claimed. Still, he was blushing. Roderich did his best not to laugh at him. He knew what this was about. And somehow, he wanted to make Gilbert feel uncomfortable, for various reasons he didn't want to look too closely at.
"I know," Roderich said. He was smiling coldly. It wasn't like he minded. But it seemed to make Gilbert feel bad and as bad as that was, Roderich firmly believed Gilbert should feel bad about it. Antonio was a nice guy and had never treated him wrong and surely didn't deserved to be blamed here. Regardless of any possible feelings.
That was when Ludwig build himself up in front of Gilbert and-after almost stumbling over him because he had been looking at the screen of his cell phone-grumbled, "Shift!"
"Who're you texting?" Gilbert said instead of moving, before his glance fell on the still full bucket in his brother's hand that was threateningly raised a little. So he moved away from the door, not wanting to be soaked. Roderich already had made way. "Do you have a new girlfriend?" Gilbert still teased.
It earned him a well deserved splash of water in his direction, even though quite a bit actually hit him. "That's none of your business," Ludwig grumbled, his ears turning slightly pink.
"You've been texting all day lately," Gilbert grinned, ignoring his brother's last remark. "Who is she? Or he? Come on, tell me!" It looked to Roderich almost like Gilbert was glad to be able to change the topic.
"Our new neighbor," Ludwig said, more calmly now. "He has a lot of questions and I just help him getting used to living here more quickly. That's all."
"Is he cute?" Gilbert asked none the less.
Ludwig huffed. "As I said, none of your business," he said, but there was a little smile on his lips now. "I saw him first." He winked at Roderich, before he finally went inside, disappearing into the kitchen where he emptied the bucket from the sound of it.
Gilbert shook his head. "My baby brother is in love," he murmured. "The world will stop turning."
Roderich raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He just wondered how less Gilbert had been told about his brother's private life. But he assumed that Ludwig had always kept the most things to himself. The only reason why Roderich knew about some of the younger man's previous relationships was that he had been there when they had met, not because he had been told.
"Well, you're the one to talk," Roderich said eventually. He had only meant to win Gilbert's attention back from whatever he was wondering about, but after saying the words, he wondered why he had said that. He had acted like he would ignore what Gilbert had said to him about being in love with him for all eternity-well, or at least long enough until Gilbert either would forget about it or he could accept it without questioning.
"Huh?" Gilbert asked. The grin returned to his face. "Well, I'm me, I'm awesome. Ludwig's … well, awkward around people. He always has been." Then, Gilbert winked. "Besides, I have the better taste and usually get what I want."
Roderich thought about this. Then, after remembering going out with Ludwig he had to think some more to bring that together with the image of his brother Gilbert must to be having. It didn't really work. And one year should not be enough time for someone to change like that. Roderich shook his head.
He leaned forward to get a better look at Gilbert's face. As this wasn't sufficient, he also shifted a bit closer to him, until their knees almost touched. "I wonder if that's also true when you're jealous of your beloved's ex?" he whispered.
"I'm not jealous of that air-head," Gilbert huffed, his eyes locking with Roderich's. "Like I could ever be jealous of anything he is."
"I know. You're jealous of what he's to me, what he was," Roderich whispered. "But you're nothing like Antonio." He put a hand up to Gilbert's cheek. He didn't move it when it rested against the other man's pale, warm skin. But he was smiling, only partly because of the confused look on Gilbert's face. When he pulled his hand away, Roderich leaned forward even more, kissing Gilbert on the cheek.
Gilbert looked at him with big eyes.
"What?" Roderich asked. He had now leaned back and was watching Gilbert closely.
Gilbert smiled brightly. "I think, you're outside," he pointed out, ignoring that he had just been kissed.
Roderich looked up to see that he was sitting on the stone plates that made up the terrace and then up to see the sky above him and smiled. "I guess I am," he said calmly.
They looked at each other, before they both started to laugh.
点点点
"Why don't we invite the new neighbors over for barbecue sometime?" Gilbert asked. They were sitting on the terrace for dinner. Ludwig still spent most of the time at the grill instead of eating, but Gilbert and Roderich could enjoy their meals. Roderich was actually surprised by that. He hadn't thought he would enjoy a meal outside anytime soon.
"Because they just moved in and don't have time," Ludwig replied. It sounded like he wished his brother didn't return to this topic every five minutes.
"Then let's have a welcome to our neighborhood barbecue," Gilbert went on. "Come on, don't you want to see your new boyfriend?"
"You just want to see him," Ludwig grumbled.
Gilbert shrugged, cleaning the last bit of sausage and potato salad off his plate. "Well, duh, of course I want to." He rolled his eyes. "I have to see who my baby brother's crushing on."
"I'm not crushing on anyone." Even though he said it while with his back to them, his still very visibly red ears were still betraying him.
"Sure thing," Gilbert laughed.
罗马罗马
As soon as Lovino opened the rear door of his car, the little dog dashed out, barking happily and jumping up and down around him, tail wagging. Lovino had no idea why, but animals had always liked him. Even though he had heard that animals could feel it better then humans if one was a bad person. Maybe it was because he always treated animals nicely.
It wasn't far to the door of the house he had parked in front of. The owners had only moved in most recently, there wasn't even a name on the bell. Lovino smiled to himself. This was nice. Not as nice as his own new house, but nice and it did fit a family with two kids and a dog just fine in his opinion. He had proposed this house, so he felt that he had the right to be a little bit proud about it. He had even kept in mind to move the family to a part of town with good public schools.
The dog went almost mad with anticipation around Lovino when he pressed the bell. He could hear steps inside that caused the dog to bark happily and overall getting more nervous. The barks caused children inside to shout and, after two small pairs of feet had rushed to the door, it was opened. Lovino put a smile on his face. He was playing the nice uncle who had found their lost doggie after all.
"Kiba!" the two children cheered, as they flung themselves at the poor dog and hugged him. That stupid thing even wagged his tails at this and barked happier then ever, now newly reunited with his owners. Lovino smiled at the parents of the children who had stayed behind in the shadows of the hall, looking at him nervously.
"I found this little fellow wandering around the street," Lovino said. "Your address on his collar is wrong. Lucky for you the new owners knew where you moved to." He brushed over the boy's head. "Right?" These words sounded perfectly innocent and Lovino was really proud that they still made the parents flinch and exchange a nervous look. Good to know people feared him.
Both the boy and his little sister chimed in happy agreement, still too busy with petting and hugging and generally fussing over their once-lost best friend to pay the adults much attention.
"I hope he didn't cause you much trouble," the father said, his voice barely shaking. "Thank you for bringing him back to us."
Lovino smiled at that. "He didn't cause any trouble at all," he said. He hoped that the parents could hear the warning in his tone. "He behaved perfectly fine, as anyone could expect from a good … dog. Just take care of him. We don't want him get lost again, do we? Next time, I might not be there to bring him back."
This caused the mother shift closer to the husband, before she got a grip on herself again and walked a bit unsteadily to her children, taking the boy by his shoulder to push him inside. "Thank you for your kindness," she said, unable to look Lovino in the eye. She wasn't as composed as her husband but still keeping it together rather well. "I don't want to waste any more of your precious time here." Now, she was more determined in ushering her children back inside and was relieved that they complied when her husband whistled for the dog and they followed their pet inside.
"What lovely kids you have," Lovino couldn't help but saying. "Take care of yourselves." He turned around, satisfied with the horrified looks on the parents' faces. It was good they knew what would happen if they tried to get at him. As he walked to the car and waved the kids good-bye, he could hear the boy call him a very nice man.
Lovino was laughing to himself all the drive back.
点点点
There was the smell of food being cooked in the air when Lovino arrived at their new house that evening. He could hear noises from the kitchen and his stupid brother singing a sappy love song. Smiling, he dropped his things to be put away later and walked into the kitchen, to see why he couldn't recognize the smell of whatever his brother was cooking.
"What's for dinner?" Lovino asked, peering curiously into the pan boiling on the stove. There was some yellow-ish goo bubbling inside, nothing he could recognize and he wasn't sure, but he suspected to see some bits of unknown origin inside.
"I'm trying out a new recipe," Feliciano chimed. He handed a spoon to Lovino. "Try it!"
Carefully, Lovino dipped the spoon inside the pan, then letting drip off most of the goo back into the pan, before he brought the spoon to his mouth and gave it a scrutinizing lick. "What is this?" he asked. It tasted a bit like potatoes and then there was something else. He didn't have the heart to tell it Feliciano but the weird consistency still freaked him out a bit after tasting it.
"Stew," Feliciano chimed. "Do you like it? Is it good? Please, tell me I cooked it well."
Lovino sighed inwardly. It didn't match his taste, but it wasn't that bad. Actually, if it weren't for the potatoes, he would probably love it. "It's good," he lied, smiling at his enthusiastic little brother. "Where did you get the recipe?"
Lovino could be imagining things but he could have sworn his brother blushed at the question. "One of our neighbors gave it to me when I told him I didn't know what to make for dinner. He said he cooked this a day or two ago and his family really liked it. So I wanted to give it a try," Feliciano burst out, speaking even faster than usual and clearly about to burst from wanting to tell Lovino something else, something, he knew Lovino wouldn't be much interested in but that still was very important to him.
"The guy you met in the supermarket the other day?" Lovino asked. He didn't want his little brother to implode after all.
Feliciano let out a relieved sigh. He was nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, him," he beamed. "He even gave me his number when we met again there."
Lovino nodded. That sounded so nice. "How luck you are," he said, making it clear to dumb little Feliciano that he was trying very hard to hide a smile. "You should ask him out on a date eventually." Whoever this guy was, if he could make his little brother happy, he couldn't be half bad.
Blushing, Feliciano shook his head. "I can't," he said, his smile dropping. "I don't even know if he's gay or not. What if he's already dating a beautiful girl and will hate me for asking him out? I'm sure there are many girls who like him, he's so cute and nice and handsome..."
Lovino patted his brother's shoulder. "Don't get yourself worked up about it before you even tried," he said. He really hated it to see Feliciano close to tears about someone else. Thinking about his own boy-friend, he added, "Even if he is seeing someone, that doesn't mean you can't still win him over." After all, he himself had.
"Do you really think so?" Feliciano asked. His face was already lighting up again.
Lovino nodded. He considered to tell the story about how he had won Antonio over but then again, it was really a bad idea and he shouldn't bother Feliciano with it. After all, kidnapping the rival and charming the object of one's desire by all means possible-which included spying and bullying people around them-wasn't something he would advise Feliciano to do. Right now, the only times Feliciano had been in conflict with the law were speed regulations and other traffic violations. Lovino intended on keeping it that way.
So, instead, he said, "I'm sure about it. As soon as he tastes your cooking, he'll fall for you for sure. Especially if you make this go-stew or whatever it is for him."
"So you really think I did well on the stew?" Feliciano asked. "You know, I changed the recipe a bit and added bacon bits instead..." Feliciano started to babble about what he had done to what he thought would improve the dish to which Lovino only nodded politely. He wasn't that interested in cooking but even he could tell that the best way to improve the goo was to pour it down the drain and order take-away. Saying this out loud would definitely break Feliciano's heart so Lovino just kept nodding along his brother's babbling.
"Let's just eat, okay," Lovino proposed after a while when he couldn't take the constant flow of words-especially the word potato-his brother was throwing at him. He'd rather eat the whole pan on his own that to get the fully life-story of its contents in the extended version. When Feliciano nodded and filled two plates with the goo, Lovino nudged him and said, "When you meet your new boyfriend next time, tell him I would love to get to know him and simply invite him over, will you?"
Feliciano giggled. "I promise, I will," he said with a longing sigh full of badly concealed affection."If he doesn't invite us first. He hinted that he liked barbecues and wouldn't mind having guests occasionally." He smiled brightly the dumbfounded Lovino. "I just wanted to check if you're alright with me dating a guy who likes your least favorite vegetable."
Feliciano giggled all the way as he walked over with their plates to the dinning table.
Notes:
Feliciano is cooking a potato-and-leek stew. This hasn't any deeper meaning. I just like it and picked it because it's mostly made of potatoes.