Second table >.>
Title: I missed youAuthor:
traumschwinge
Claim: Germany
Characters: Germany, Prussia/East Germany, France
Table/Promt: Historical / 14. Goodbye
Wordcount: 1299
Rating: PG
Summary: Ludwig is trying to write letters to his brother but never manages to sent them to him.
Ludwig was sitting in the small room he was currently living in. The candle next to him was already burnt half way down. He kept staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. With yet another sigh, he picked up the pen again, for the tenth or twentieth time on that night.
All he had written up to now was:
Dear Brother,
He had so much to say, so much he wanted to tell him, but he couldn’t phrase a single one of them. He missed his brother so much. He wanted to see him so bad. But all he knew didn’t sound like he would anytime soon. They would make him sort of a state again, tomorrow. It didn’t mean, he had any rights or something like that, but it was a step in the right direction, he thought.
The downside was, just like with the new currency, the Soviets didn’t play along with the West Allies. He had still hope to see his brother and be together with him again, but that ominous day grew further away by each passing day.
He wanted to tell his brother, that he was alright and missing him, all those new things that happened here in the West of the country. All those plans he had heard of. Those plans that made him so afraid and happy at the same time.
I’m writing these lines on the eve of the day Alfred and France and Arthur make me - sort of - a nation again. I know, by the time you get this letter, you already know they did.
Ludwig gulped. This was stupid. He didn’t cross the sentences out again, though. At least, he had written something. It wasn’t what he wanted to say, but at least the first lines weren’t empty anymore.
I’m afraid of tomorrow.
It took him almost an eternity to write that sentence. He gulped again. He had to finish this letter tonight. No matter when he would be able to hand it over. He had to finish it or he would never do that.
I’m afraid it will take me years to see you again. I’m afraid, I might screw everything up again. I’m afraid … I’m just so afraid of tomorrow. I want to be like Roderich, neutral but united. That way, I could see you again. I miss you so much, my dear brother.
Ludwig laid his pen down. There was so much more to say, but he couldn’t. His eyes felt like he was about to cry. He’d written the most important part. The letter stayed on the desk, after Ludwig had put out the candle.
~*~
I can’t believe I never posted this letter until now. Or, actually, I can. I just never thought it would reach you by post. I want to give this letter to you in person. So I decided to continue this. It’s 1955 now. Six years already. This sounds so unreal.
I get along pretty well, better than I thought I would. Even France tries to be nice to me… or at least his weird version of nice. Yes, I’m a good boy, I try.
Life’s improving fast here now by the way. There’s so much work, they even think of asking people from other countries to work here, can you believe that?
Anyway, do you believe in what Russia said? That we could be together for real if we just stay neutral? My boss doesn’t think so, but I wish I could prove him wrong.
I miss you. I miss you so much. Too bad we didn’t meet when my boss took me along to Moscow.
After what I heard 2 years ago, I wanted to just go there and help you. I felt so useless, I still do. I wish I could help you. I wish I could have helped you. I’m dead worried about you.
Ludwig put the letter back into the drawer where he had kept it all these years. He wanted to say different things, but he couldn’t bring himself to write them down. He didn’t feel like he missed his brother as much as he had before. The pain of loss had grown somewhat numb.
And there were so many other things to do. Like getting on better terms with France and Belgium.
~*~
Ludwig was so happy, when his new boss asked him to accompany him on his visit to the GRD. He would finally be able to see his brother again. He’d been so nervous, he almost couldn’t sleep the night before.
But when they arrived, everything was different to what he had expected. There was a cheering crowd but … it felt wrong that all of them cheered of his boss, not for theirs. The city as well. It just looked … somewhat off to what he had expected.
The letters he had written all these past years were all in his pocket, his hand clenched around them. They felt like a talisman. There was also a new one he had written the day before. It read:
My dear brother,
I can’t believe I will meet you tomorrow. I’m so happy. It’s been 21 long years. So much has happened. I think, Francis and I are friends now, or something like that. Having no nemesis feels great.
Chancellor Brandt makes me hope, it will be easier for us to meet soon. He’s really great, isn’t he? I’ve almost given up hope to be reunited with you before he became my boss. But now, it seems possible again for the first time in years.
I still miss you.
The meeting itself, though, was a disappointment. He had seen Gilbert but there was no chance to talk to him. They had no private time and Gilbert didn’t open his mouth near his bosses. He simply stood behind them and nodded from time to time.
Ludwig kept watching him all the time. Somehow, his brother’s whole attitude gave him the creeps. He had heard the things he was saying in public, all that stuff about to learn from Russia means to learn to win but he had refused to even think that Gilbert might believe in it.
There was also something wrong with Gilbert’s whole figure. His body looked even thinner than the last time Ludwig had seen him. His nose was crooked a bit, but Ludwig could be imagining things.
In the end, Ludwig didn’t pass the letters to Gilbert. There was just never the right moment. Not even once.
Back home in the Long Eugen, Ludwig felt so empty as he was lying in his bed, starring at the ceiling.
~*~
Ludwig collected all the letters he had written all those years. They filled a small card box. He searched everywhere so he wouldn’t miss a single one of them. In the end, he had even to get another box.
When he was sure he had found every single one of them, he went away. He had asked Francis to accompany him. He didn’t want to be alone on this day, didn’t want to be alone when doing this.
They met in a small park near the Rhine, Ludwig with his boxes under the arm. They didn’t speak a word. Ludwig had told his friend what he was planning to do. So Francis simply stood there and watched as Ludwig led the way to a grill area surrounded by many trees.
Carefully, Ludwig placed the letters on the grill. He looked at every single one again before putting it down. There was a big lump in his throat.
Slowly, he lighted a match.
Francis put an arm around Ludwig’s shoulders as they watched the letters burn.
His head raised to the sky, Ludwig murmured quietly: “Good-bye, Brother.”
Annotations:
1.: In 1553, there was a revolt in East Germany. In remembrance of this, the 17th of June was the National Holiday of the Federal Republic of Germany.
2.: The 3rd letter is from 1970, when Willy Brandt visited the German Democratic Republic. Threre were crowds cheering "Willy, Willy" to greet him. Good thing for those people was: The official from the GDR's personal name was Willi, so no one got punished for this. Brandt was very popular in the GRD and still is in the Eastern part of Germany.
Oh, I took a photo related to this last weekend when we went to Erfurt:
3.: The last part is set in the beginning 1980s. Back then, the hopes for a reunification of the two German states were close to zero.
4.: My "inspiration" Thanks to Mina-tan for finding it on the internet. (It says: Top: Brother!! Middle: "Dear Cousin..." Bottom: "Oh yeah - we got some distant relative somewhere foreign.")
