Big steps forward !
I guess it's time I write a little on my "back home" time...
Let's say that it's going a lot better than at the beginning, I sure miss my life in Montreal, but I really appreciate being with my family, just the feeling of having them close, knowing that whenever I feel like seeing my mom (like everyday:p) I just call her and see her for dinner or sleep at her place or whatever...
At home, with my dad it's also getting better, I think he's doing some really big efforts... he keeps asking me how I am, if I'm down or sad or if I miss my friends back there, if I'm happy to see him and he's so carefull, it's great. I think he sees that I don't speak much when Ghislaine is here, that as soon as we're done eating I go to my room and read or go out but I don't really hang with them in the house ... and he even took friday off to spend it with me and to go wherever I want he said!! I chose Geneva !
Also, the biggest step that I wanted to talk about was about me being gay ... Back then when I told him about Diana, he didn't react well, (I had a LJ entry about it in my old journal...) then we never talked about it, he never asked one thing about her, even her name, I'm not sure he really knew it!
He never ever asked anything about my sentimental life in Montreal, not even when he visited me there, I was with Emma and I was sleeping at her place every night so that he could have my room, he never really asked about it, I told him I was staying at Camille, Pierre, and Emma's but he saw the flat, it's not like there was a spare room! I'm sure he knew because I kept talking about Emma for different stuff, (and I wanted him to know!) but he never asked anything!
The other day, he came in my room and started looking at the pictures on the walls and went:
"- who are all these people ?
- well my friends
- you always say my friends, but you never tell me who they really are like their names and where you know them from and stuff, I feel like I don't know anything about your life"
So he started pointing everyone on the pics and ask who they were, so I started telling him about everyone (he already knew Charley and Camille and had already seen Emma, Vincent, Francois, Anais and Manu)
Then he pointed at Mélissa :
"- that's mélissa
- who ?
- my girlfriend
- oh you have a girlfriend ?... I didn't know
- you never asked
- I know ... but it's nice, I'm glad you have a girlfriend, I'm happy for you.
- what ?! yeah it's cool... I gotta go"
But he asked me to wait and started huggind me and told me he was sorry for all the past fews years when he never accepted.. that now he accepts, that he's happy for me and that he just needed time, it wasn't easy because it all happened when my mom left him and there was too much to handle at once but that he's so sorry and want me to be happy.."
I was a bit in shock, never expected that, couldn't have asked for better words but I didn't even know what to say. I just told him that I was glad, that I understand he needed time but that hearing all this now was making me really happy.
A bit later, he drove me somewhere and he asked lots of stuff about Méli like where she lives, if she has brothers n sisters, how we met, about her job, her age (oups), just normal questions but 100 times more than he ever asked in 7 years !!!!
It was great and unexpected, I still don't talk about her because I'm not used to it and still feel awkward... used to the silence I guess, it'll get better with time probably but at least he knows it's not "just a phase" as he told me back then and he realized this is who I am.