Fuck...
A certian girl has stolen my interest in the last week or so...i didnt think that we would ever hang out after what had happened. We finally did tonight...after i neglected to call her last night and have her come over...but i was distracted by a soccer game i was currently in and i forgot...i got quite a bit of shit for it...i apologized and hopefully she really does forgive me. I always enjoy seeing her because she makes me happy when she's around, but i always feel like i shouldnt have hung out with her afterwards, only because it makes me sad that it's not the way it used to be...I know ive been bitching about this for a long time but its like its getting worse everytime i see her. I felt like we're making progress at being friends and it not being awkward for either of us...but i still feel like there is something missing...i don't act the same way around her as i do around all my other friends who are girls...it's like i can hug or sit close to any of my other friends who are girls and it doesnt really bother me or make me feel one way or another, but i know if i tried to act that way around her...i'd either feel awkward or she is going be like...what are you doing... and i dont want that to happen..i would rather still be her friend than be able to act one way with her and have her freak out or something... i dont know how to talk to her about this whole thing either... she reads all these and is prolly creeped out about it... and wonders why i never just say something to her but i cant get the courage up to confront her about what's going in my head... and i would like to know how she feels about this whole thing...other than that she will never give me another chance...which sucks...but i act like i dont care...i hate this...i hate bitching about this...but until something happens that satisfies me...ill prolly continue to talk about this... and chances are...ill be talking about it for a while... fuck...