(no subject)
i am better than this. i know i can do better than this. i keep dwelling on the idea that i'm only a few months shy of being 22 and i'm not where i want to be overall, on a lot of fronts. mostly the front where i'm a cashier at a fucking "specialty" grocery store (that pays me well alas) and i know there are plenty of others at my store much older and definitely much more educated than i doing the same thing. i guess i just never envisioned this and every time i try to conjur up ideas as to what i can do to better myself i come up with bupkis.
i know this isn't permanent, i know that if i really put my fucking head to it and really set some goals for myself that this could be a distant (sometimes fond) memory in my head. i just can't focus a lot of the time. when i'm off, i'm exhausted. i loaf. i can't do that anymore. but i also can't figure out what it is exactly i'm looking for, either.
a lot of times i find myself missing my old job and the perks that were there. but even back then i was loathing the service / retail industry. AH.
school? is that the answer? moving? i feel like i can't really do that realistically, but there's got to be something for me somewhere. right? i feel like i could truly be succesful somewhere, doing something. i have a scatterbrain full of ideas but no drive to actually apply myself to explore any of them. pessimism and lethargy conquers me a good percentage of the time, but with the new year approaching, i feel like i may be coming into a time where i'm actually ready to do something about it instead of daydreaming and or complaining about it.
ps, me like 6-8 months ago? gross. what the hell was i thinking?
i know this isn't permanent, i know that if i really put my fucking head to it and really set some goals for myself that this could be a distant (sometimes fond) memory in my head. i just can't focus a lot of the time. when i'm off, i'm exhausted. i loaf. i can't do that anymore. but i also can't figure out what it is exactly i'm looking for, either.
a lot of times i find myself missing my old job and the perks that were there. but even back then i was loathing the service / retail industry. AH.
school? is that the answer? moving? i feel like i can't really do that realistically, but there's got to be something for me somewhere. right? i feel like i could truly be succesful somewhere, doing something. i have a scatterbrain full of ideas but no drive to actually apply myself to explore any of them. pessimism and lethargy conquers me a good percentage of the time, but with the new year approaching, i feel like i may be coming into a time where i'm actually ready to do something about it instead of daydreaming and or complaining about it.
ps, me like 6-8 months ago? gross. what the hell was i thinking?