(and i'd just like to point out that although you said Melissa can't nag you about this for a week, you said nothing about me. prepare for naggage such as you have never experienced.)
First time reader of this, and found the other two chapters and read them all. Nice...very nice. New take on their coming down from the Mountain, and deciding to stay together, and Jack having to face the reality of mourning a father he hated, yet wanted to have love him. Glad Ennis stayed to support him, and provide some optimism [the stock looks good, can get better]. The night before the fire, after Ennis's nightmare [Earl?]. Ennis trying to make peace with his family, and maybe his sister understanding more than he thought she did or wanted her to know.
Ennis left and came back physically. Jack left and came back emotionally. Now they need to both support each other when the six-month deadline arrives.
Re: FathertrascendenzaFebruary 6 2007, 00:59:31 UTC
Yeah, it's funny--I'm not a huge fan of coming-down-the-mountain stories (to read), but I seem to write a lot of them! Hehe. And I'm glad that Ennis staying came across as realistic; I think John dying would be one of the few things that would inspire him to such action, as he's kind of been there himself and will recognize all the pain that Jack's feeling, whether he wanted to at first or not. Ennis's nightmare will be expounded on in chapters to come, but I can tell you that it didn't revolve around Earl.
...maybe his sister understanding more than he thought she did or wanted her to know. Squee! I'm glad you got that, because she totally does! ^_^
And wow, great way of putting it. They both had to go on journeys to come back together.
Thank you SO much for this incredibly thoughtful feedback. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. :) *heaps love on you*
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank youmelissasdavidFebruary 5 2007, 18:36:14 UTC
I am chilled and stunned and awed and so grateful you updated, oh Sheera. This is IT. Period, hands down, some of the best writing I have ever read. I dont have words, just this overwhelming feeling all over.. The words you chose? Perfect. The ones with his brother and sister were telling and awesome in their simplicity. Alma? Perfect, so perfect I could see it all happening as I read so I almost forgot I was just reading. The scenes with him and Jack...all of them left me feeling a trembling awe, joy, heartbreak but feeling, feeling their love so strong... Perfection, Sheera. Thank you M
That was wonderful, I love this take on a fairly well worn subject: to have Ennis and Jack stay together after Brokeback. And I have to say it's the most convincing one I've ever seen, how inspirng that something good could come out of something so bad. I also love your very minimalist writing style, it fits the story perfectly.
Good to hear that I'm not repeating work that's already been done re: coming down off the mountain. Since I'm not too well read I do worry about accidentally writing a plotline that's already been done. :) And I agree that it's an oft-used device, and relieved to hear that it works for you!
And, wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. And I'll do my best to update soon :)
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back with a real review later.
(and i'd just like to point out that although you said Melissa can't nag you about this for a week, you said nothing about me. prepare for naggage such as you have never experienced.)
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And you'll have to pin me down first! *scurries off to hide*
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(i would be glad to pin you down. oh, the dirty, it keeps on a-comin'. triple entendre!)
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First time reader of this, and found the other two chapters and read them all. Nice...very nice. New take on their coming down from the Mountain, and deciding to stay together, and Jack having to face the reality of mourning a father he hated, yet wanted to have love him. Glad Ennis stayed to support him, and provide some optimism [the stock looks good, can get better]. The night before the fire, after Ennis's nightmare [Earl?]. Ennis trying to make peace with his family, and maybe his sister understanding more than he thought she did or wanted her to know.
Ennis left and came back physically. Jack left and came back emotionally. Now they need to both support each other when the six-month deadline arrives.
Good story. Looking forward to more.
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...maybe his sister understanding more than he thought she did or wanted her to know.
Squee! I'm glad you got that, because she totally does! ^_^
And wow, great way of putting it. They both had to go on journeys to come back together.
Thank you SO much for this incredibly thoughtful feedback. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. :) *heaps love on you*
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This is IT.
Period, hands down, some of the best writing I have ever read.
I dont have words, just this overwhelming feeling all over..
The words you chose? Perfect.
The ones with his brother and sister were telling and awesome in their simplicity.
Alma? Perfect, so perfect I could see it all happening as I read so I almost forgot I was just reading.
The scenes with him and Jack...all of them left me feeling a trembling awe, joy, heartbreak but feeling, feeling their love so strong...
Perfection, Sheera.
Thank you
M
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More please!
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And, wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. And I'll do my best to update soon :)
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