Wonderfalls: Most Clueless Lesbian in New York (Mahandra/Sharon | T | 1,064w)
[ Mahandra/Sharon | T | 1,064w | 2007-12-24 | Mirror ]
yuletide treat. Sharon Tyler, the criminally under-informed. “Penis is overrated.” Sharon stabbed her steak, looking like she was thinking about a particular someone as she did so.
Most Clueless Lesbian in New York
“Penis is overrated.” Sharon stabbed her steak, looking like she was thinking about a particular someone as she did so.
“No need to be scary about it,” Jaye said. She picked up another one of her chicken wings, eyeing her sister.
“She’s right.” Mahandra chimed in, gesturing with the potato wedge held between her fingers. “Men think the penis is where it’s at, but that’s because they aren’t blessed with God’s gift to sex.”
“Do I even want to know?” Jaye’s wing remained uneaten in her hand.
“The clitoris, of course.” Mahandra took a bite out of her wedge, smiling. “We had this conversation back in high school, remember, when you were telling me you weren’t sure if you’d ever had an orgasm?”
“Yeah, and it made me feel vaguely ill back then, too. I have to go to the bathroom.” Jaye put down the wing and left, looking green around the gills.
“Some women just have no appreciation for the finer things in life,” Mahandra said, grabbing another potato wedge.
Sharon blinked at her, mouth hanging open.
“Something wrong with your steak? I can get Eric to take it back.”
“Oh, no.” Sharon shook her head, dazedly. “My meat is fine.”
Mahandra smiled a little more warmly than was strictly friendly. “Glad to hear it.”
*
“Why didn’t you tell me she was a lesbian?” Sharon hissed, hitting Jaye on the shoulder with her purse.
“Hey!” Jaye batted at the purse, opening her trailer door. “I thought you knew. Don’t you guys have, like, a newsletter or something?”
“We’re not a club. We don’t get together and knit once a week.” Sharon sat on the couch.
Jaye leaned against the counter. “Well, there’s your problem. I’ve heard knitting is good for your blood pressure. You should look into that.”
“Stop confusing the issue! You’ve failed me as a sister.” Sharon laughed. “Okay, well, that’s par for the course. But I’ve had whole conversations with Mahandra about my exes and she never said a word.”
“Maybe she thought you knew, too?”
Sharon threw her hands in the air. “Why does everyone think I know everything? I know nothing! I am the most clueless lesbian in New York!”
Jaye grinned. “Yeah, pretty much. I think you just forgot to sign up for the newsletter.”
*
“So.” Sharon twirled her drink around by its stem dangerously fast, the pink-red liquid nearly sloshing over the edges. “I never knew that you and I-that we-you know.”
“That we what?” Mahandra wiped the counter.
“That we... you know.” Sharon gestured widely like her meaning could be spelled out in the language of flail.
Mahandra blinked at her. “Geeze, does it run in the family? Speak sense, woman.”
Sharon gripped her drink, words tumbling out quickly like she was speaking without thinking. “That we, um, both like clitorises. Clitori. Clitoreses?”
“Oh, is that all? I thought you knew.” Mahandra picked up the towel and went back to wiping down.
Sharon laughed breathlessly, her smile drawn tight like it was being pulled by wires. “Nope! Didn’t know. Definitely didn’t know.”
“Hmmm.” Mahandra raised her eyebrow, taking Sharon’s drink and refilling it. “So you weren’t just ignoring those passes I made at you last year?”
“You made-at me-passes?” Sharon squeaked. She put her arms up on the counter and dropped her forehead into them. “How long have you known about me?” She asked, voice muffled.
Mahandra tapped her finger on the bartop, thinking. “Probably since you told Jaye you’d rather barf than date that Sorenson guy. He wasn’t half bad, for a guy.”
Sharon abruptly raised her head. “Wait. That was four years before I came out to anyone. Most of my family still doesn’t know.”
“How did no one-oh, right. Most oblivious family ever. I mean, no offense, I love you all, but Jaye talks to little animal figurines and you look at men like you want to wipe them off the bottom of your shoes and no one seems to get a clue.”
Sharon scrunched her nose. “Family. Can’t live with them, it’s illegal to shoot them.”
“Yeah, well.” Mahandra shrugged. “I guess it’s good to know you weren’t blowing me off all this time.”
Sharon sighed, deflating. “I’m sorry, Mahandra. I didn’t, I mean, you’re-” A flush started creeping up her neck. “I was an idiot.”
“Now that’s a little more like it.” Mahandra leaned forward, elbows on the bar, smiling. “Tell me more, Sharon Tyler.”
Sharon blinked at Mahandra, and took a huge sip of her drink for fortification, swallowing loudly. “I was an idiot. A huge, foolish, stupid idiot. What I did was unforgivable.” She propped her elbows on the bar, copying Mahandra’s posture. “It would take someone really amazing-and really attractive-to forgive me for being such an imbecile.”
“Mmmm, I like it when you grovel.” Mahandra’s fingers played at Sharon’s collar. “More.”
“I-” Sharon licked her lips. “Oh, God, Mahandra, if you don’t kiss me I’m going to have to kiss you and pray that you don’t slap me.”
Mahandra grinned right into Sharon’s lips, pressing them softly at first, but quickly deepening it, fingers curling under Sharon’s collar and yanking her closer. Sharon’s cocktail spilled all over the counter between them, but they didn’t break, Sharon climbing up on her chair so she was kneeling and practically falling over the counter to get at Mahandra.
Mahandra broke first, but only to haul Sharon the rest of the way over the counter, which Sharon stumbled over awkwardly in her heels; she would have face-planted if not for Mahandra’s grip.
“Now.” Mahandra led Sharon by the collar, walking purposefully towards Eric’s room. “We’re going to go in the back and you’re going to apologize for every stupid thing you’ve done. To anyone. Ever.”
Sharon followed dutifully, beaming. “Yes, ma’am.”
*
“Yeah, turns out that Mahandra’s really good at-”
“I don’t want to know!” Jaye stuck her fingers in her ears. “La la la la! I’m not listening!”
Sharon rolled her eyes. “Really good at forgiving people, you child.”
Jaye tentatively removed her fingers from her ears.
“She is right about the clitoris, though, you know.” Sharon got a dreamy eyed look. “Really right.” She didn’t even notice when Jaye ran to the bathroom, or how she took a little smooshed faced lion with her, muttering obscenities at him.
yuletide treat. Sharon Tyler, the criminally under-informed. “Penis is overrated.” Sharon stabbed her steak, looking like she was thinking about a particular someone as she did so.
Most Clueless Lesbian in New York
“Penis is overrated.” Sharon stabbed her steak, looking like she was thinking about a particular someone as she did so.
“No need to be scary about it,” Jaye said. She picked up another one of her chicken wings, eyeing her sister.
“She’s right.” Mahandra chimed in, gesturing with the potato wedge held between her fingers. “Men think the penis is where it’s at, but that’s because they aren’t blessed with God’s gift to sex.”
“Do I even want to know?” Jaye’s wing remained uneaten in her hand.
“The clitoris, of course.” Mahandra took a bite out of her wedge, smiling. “We had this conversation back in high school, remember, when you were telling me you weren’t sure if you’d ever had an orgasm?”
“Yeah, and it made me feel vaguely ill back then, too. I have to go to the bathroom.” Jaye put down the wing and left, looking green around the gills.
“Some women just have no appreciation for the finer things in life,” Mahandra said, grabbing another potato wedge.
Sharon blinked at her, mouth hanging open.
“Something wrong with your steak? I can get Eric to take it back.”
“Oh, no.” Sharon shook her head, dazedly. “My meat is fine.”
Mahandra smiled a little more warmly than was strictly friendly. “Glad to hear it.”
*
“Why didn’t you tell me she was a lesbian?” Sharon hissed, hitting Jaye on the shoulder with her purse.
“Hey!” Jaye batted at the purse, opening her trailer door. “I thought you knew. Don’t you guys have, like, a newsletter or something?”
“We’re not a club. We don’t get together and knit once a week.” Sharon sat on the couch.
Jaye leaned against the counter. “Well, there’s your problem. I’ve heard knitting is good for your blood pressure. You should look into that.”
“Stop confusing the issue! You’ve failed me as a sister.” Sharon laughed. “Okay, well, that’s par for the course. But I’ve had whole conversations with Mahandra about my exes and she never said a word.”
“Maybe she thought you knew, too?”
Sharon threw her hands in the air. “Why does everyone think I know everything? I know nothing! I am the most clueless lesbian in New York!”
Jaye grinned. “Yeah, pretty much. I think you just forgot to sign up for the newsletter.”
*
“So.” Sharon twirled her drink around by its stem dangerously fast, the pink-red liquid nearly sloshing over the edges. “I never knew that you and I-that we-you know.”
“That we what?” Mahandra wiped the counter.
“That we... you know.” Sharon gestured widely like her meaning could be spelled out in the language of flail.
Mahandra blinked at her. “Geeze, does it run in the family? Speak sense, woman.”
Sharon gripped her drink, words tumbling out quickly like she was speaking without thinking. “That we, um, both like clitorises. Clitori. Clitoreses?”
“Oh, is that all? I thought you knew.” Mahandra picked up the towel and went back to wiping down.
Sharon laughed breathlessly, her smile drawn tight like it was being pulled by wires. “Nope! Didn’t know. Definitely didn’t know.”
“Hmmm.” Mahandra raised her eyebrow, taking Sharon’s drink and refilling it. “So you weren’t just ignoring those passes I made at you last year?”
“You made-at me-passes?” Sharon squeaked. She put her arms up on the counter and dropped her forehead into them. “How long have you known about me?” She asked, voice muffled.
Mahandra tapped her finger on the bartop, thinking. “Probably since you told Jaye you’d rather barf than date that Sorenson guy. He wasn’t half bad, for a guy.”
Sharon abruptly raised her head. “Wait. That was four years before I came out to anyone. Most of my family still doesn’t know.”
“How did no one-oh, right. Most oblivious family ever. I mean, no offense, I love you all, but Jaye talks to little animal figurines and you look at men like you want to wipe them off the bottom of your shoes and no one seems to get a clue.”
Sharon scrunched her nose. “Family. Can’t live with them, it’s illegal to shoot them.”
“Yeah, well.” Mahandra shrugged. “I guess it’s good to know you weren’t blowing me off all this time.”
Sharon sighed, deflating. “I’m sorry, Mahandra. I didn’t, I mean, you’re-” A flush started creeping up her neck. “I was an idiot.”
“Now that’s a little more like it.” Mahandra leaned forward, elbows on the bar, smiling. “Tell me more, Sharon Tyler.”
Sharon blinked at Mahandra, and took a huge sip of her drink for fortification, swallowing loudly. “I was an idiot. A huge, foolish, stupid idiot. What I did was unforgivable.” She propped her elbows on the bar, copying Mahandra’s posture. “It would take someone really amazing-and really attractive-to forgive me for being such an imbecile.”
“Mmmm, I like it when you grovel.” Mahandra’s fingers played at Sharon’s collar. “More.”
“I-” Sharon licked her lips. “Oh, God, Mahandra, if you don’t kiss me I’m going to have to kiss you and pray that you don’t slap me.”
Mahandra grinned right into Sharon’s lips, pressing them softly at first, but quickly deepening it, fingers curling under Sharon’s collar and yanking her closer. Sharon’s cocktail spilled all over the counter between them, but they didn’t break, Sharon climbing up on her chair so she was kneeling and practically falling over the counter to get at Mahandra.
Mahandra broke first, but only to haul Sharon the rest of the way over the counter, which Sharon stumbled over awkwardly in her heels; she would have face-planted if not for Mahandra’s grip.
“Now.” Mahandra led Sharon by the collar, walking purposefully towards Eric’s room. “We’re going to go in the back and you’re going to apologize for every stupid thing you’ve done. To anyone. Ever.”
Sharon followed dutifully, beaming. “Yes, ma’am.”
*
“Yeah, turns out that Mahandra’s really good at-”
“I don’t want to know!” Jaye stuck her fingers in her ears. “La la la la! I’m not listening!”
Sharon rolled her eyes. “Really good at forgiving people, you child.”
Jaye tentatively removed her fingers from her ears.
“She is right about the clitoris, though, you know.” Sharon got a dreamy eyed look. “Really right.” She didn’t even notice when Jaye ran to the bathroom, or how she took a little smooshed faced lion with her, muttering obscenities at him.