grad school?
i've figured it out: you need to wear two pairs of pants on days when the temperature doesn't go above 15.
I've also figured out what my problem is lately. People are asking me when they see me, because it seems like the reasonable thing to ask, "how's married life?" Well gorman and i haven't changed our relationship at all, except by moving in together. People don't believe me when i say this, but we've been married for years if marriage is a life commitment to someone. Living together is the only change, and we're both wel-versed at that kind of thing, now, just instead of getting mad about jackie leaving on the lights, worrying about being too messy for my roommate sally, or listening to the thumb-sucking of natalie in the bunk below me I'm yanking the stolen covers from gorman and tripping over his boxes of warzone guys and finding beard clippings on my toothbrush.
The big difference in my life is having a life. Not since elementary school did I have as much freedom with my time. I know it was always my choice to take the classes I took and prepare for college and grad school all along the way, but in making that choice that became my life -- going to school all day every day to come home and prepare for school the next day. And it always got lighter at the beginnings of schools and much harder and busier at the ends of schools, but it in general, just kept ramping up.
Now I know I'm at another beginning, and that it follows that I'd have time to adjust and it would be a little while before I get going again, but I haven't hardly made nearly the progress that I would have hoped to have made by this point. Now I think i know why. I thought at first it was because I was scared of making things happen, and that's true; I am. I don't like talking to new people and asking them for help, and for that reason it takes me longer to assimilate. Then i thought it was because of guilt and pressure to spend time with gorman when he had the time off of work, but he points out that there is tons of time i don't use when he's not around.
The real issue is that I can (even though I really can't and shouldn't) make the rules for my own life; I can have a life that isn't school. I can go shopping or make chocolate mousse. I have all the resources and space to do anything I want (except auto repair, yard work, etc, but when I get a real house that will be available too!). I never realized that I pined for this for so long not because I hate doing school work and having structure to my life but because I really really wanted a chance to feel like I have control over my daily activities. I wanted to become an adult, not because I hated being a kid, but because I wanted to be an adult.
The only problem is that it makes me want to have a home in my little apartment and go home to it, when really it would be best if I felt equally uncomfortable everywhere, because then I'd stay at school and get a lot more work done.
It is weird seeing what I decide to do with the new freedom I have. It is like opening up a pressurized container and trying to track where a gas molecule will go. Probably my masters thesis should really catch me and limit my movement as soon as possible.
I've also figured out what my problem is lately. People are asking me when they see me, because it seems like the reasonable thing to ask, "how's married life?" Well gorman and i haven't changed our relationship at all, except by moving in together. People don't believe me when i say this, but we've been married for years if marriage is a life commitment to someone. Living together is the only change, and we're both wel-versed at that kind of thing, now, just instead of getting mad about jackie leaving on the lights, worrying about being too messy for my roommate sally, or listening to the thumb-sucking of natalie in the bunk below me I'm yanking the stolen covers from gorman and tripping over his boxes of warzone guys and finding beard clippings on my toothbrush.
The big difference in my life is having a life. Not since elementary school did I have as much freedom with my time. I know it was always my choice to take the classes I took and prepare for college and grad school all along the way, but in making that choice that became my life -- going to school all day every day to come home and prepare for school the next day. And it always got lighter at the beginnings of schools and much harder and busier at the ends of schools, but it in general, just kept ramping up.
Now I know I'm at another beginning, and that it follows that I'd have time to adjust and it would be a little while before I get going again, but I haven't hardly made nearly the progress that I would have hoped to have made by this point. Now I think i know why. I thought at first it was because I was scared of making things happen, and that's true; I am. I don't like talking to new people and asking them for help, and for that reason it takes me longer to assimilate. Then i thought it was because of guilt and pressure to spend time with gorman when he had the time off of work, but he points out that there is tons of time i don't use when he's not around.
The real issue is that I can (even though I really can't and shouldn't) make the rules for my own life; I can have a life that isn't school. I can go shopping or make chocolate mousse. I have all the resources and space to do anything I want (except auto repair, yard work, etc, but when I get a real house that will be available too!). I never realized that I pined for this for so long not because I hate doing school work and having structure to my life but because I really really wanted a chance to feel like I have control over my daily activities. I wanted to become an adult, not because I hated being a kid, but because I wanted to be an adult.
The only problem is that it makes me want to have a home in my little apartment and go home to it, when really it would be best if I felt equally uncomfortable everywhere, because then I'd stay at school and get a lot more work done.
It is weird seeing what I decide to do with the new freedom I have. It is like opening up a pressurized container and trying to track where a gas molecule will go. Probably my masters thesis should really catch me and limit my movement as soon as possible.