I finally let it all out
Last night I was studying for my Cognitive Psychology class, then Shannon called. She was telling us the situation now. Tammy's mother doesn't want to take Tammy off of the breathing machine. It is understandable, but I was thinking (before I thought the whole thing through) that maybe that it would be better for her to let Tammy go, but then I got thinking that maybe that wouldn't help her. Seeing that, that would be to final, and with her being hooked up and all then in her mind she is still alive, not conscious but alive. So its not like it doesnt make any sense.. So my Dad and I started to talk about it, and I asked him if he ever felt guilty if he was laughing or feeling kind of happy on a day that some one had just passed away, because that was what I was feeling. He said that you should feel the way you feel, as long as your not happy that they died (makes sense) so I told him that I cried when my uncle's dog Clover died and not my Uncle Albert, or for Tammy (I felt like such a bloody child asking him all these questions I an bloody 20 years old and I'm asking my Dad childish questions). Then he started talking about my Mum's uncle Father Rod and his friend venture to my Mum's other uncle, Uncle Bert (Or someone cant remember) and how they were cracking jokes and remembering the good days when he was alive. He said that Tammy doesnt want people to morn for her forever, she would rather you live your life. And then I was thinking about how her mother felt about having to let her go, this is her daughter, this would mean that she is going to fully stop breathing then there is going to be the funeral where that means she is going to be put in the ground and then she will never come back up again and it is all final... That was when I let up all my bult up sorrow ( I guess that is what you can call it) and I finally got it all out, and it made me feel 99% better.