but sometimes you just have to walk away, and head for the door.
more lost than ever. more alone than ever. my life has been in a complete change mode for months now. and it seems to be making my life only harder than before. i had a talk with him tonite, and i suppose it will be the last one. he doesn't care about me, doesn't love me anymore and has moved on. so i need to do the same. although i know i will always love him. but i'm always so blind. that's my problem. we talked about how i used to be. and i know i have changed a lot. but i swear i never changed the way i felt. and i swear he did. he can say he didn't but i know he did. cus if he still felt the same before we broke up, he never would have cheated. he never would have lied. there is a reason for everything. saying that you don't know why you did something is bullshit. he wanted out. he wanted to move on. he just wanted me there to love him so he could always run back to me. but anymore i don't even think he wants that. he just wants me gone. and gone is what i'll be. gone forever out of his life. and the thing that sucks the most is: i have lost everyone i have here. except for my best friend. i've just changed so much and no one even cares about me anymore. but to know that the only people i have that i trust and tell all my problems to are danielle and gene, and then he doesn't even want to be there for me. fuck that. i've been there for him through everything. i was always there willing to listen. and he has promised me over and over that we will always be the best of friends but we're not. we're not even friends. and when i see him, he prolly won't even talk to me. i mean telling someone when their upset and need advice, to go just get drunk, is not friendship. it's being fucking ignorant. and that right there just shows me he doesn't care. and it fucking sucks so much that i see all this. that he doesn't care. that he doesn't want anything to do with me. but i just can't fucking let go. i don't know what the fuck my problem is? i guess it's what he said, i care about people too much. more than they ever deserve. and people walk all over me for it. it sucks that my life is pretty much starting over. new friends, new atmosphere, new everything. it's so scary. but i can't wait to get out of this house. having people yell at you 24/7 and having family members telling you that they wish you would die is just not my cup of tea. so bleh, a million people are IMing me and i can't even think straight right now. i'm out.