deep in the cell of my heart, i want to go...
last nite was wonderful. hung out with eileen, angel, and then robby, ed, christopher, elizabeth and some more kids. we totally played girl talk. it was a lot of fun. i'm about to go to work now. although i wish i didn't. but i'm hanging in there until thursday because i have the whole weekend off for ohio! eileen is going which will b so much fun. she is a great girl.
on another note, i'm more lost than ever. i want to be there for him, i want to take care of him. i want to love him. but he's not letting me. and i'm here. i really am..but he's pushing me away. so i don't even know if he really wants me around at all? oh well, nothing is ever my decision. it's all his. i'm here, but he doesn't want me. or it's too hard or something. god, i don't fucking know anymore. so i'll move on i suppose. fuck it. i'm sick of feeling like this. i always want what i can't have. xo.
on another note, i'm more lost than ever. i want to be there for him, i want to take care of him. i want to love him. but he's not letting me. and i'm here. i really am..but he's pushing me away. so i don't even know if he really wants me around at all? oh well, nothing is ever my decision. it's all his. i'm here, but he doesn't want me. or it's too hard or something. god, i don't fucking know anymore. so i'll move on i suppose. fuck it. i'm sick of feeling like this. i always want what i can't have. xo.