Nostalgia
Oh, look! I'm finally writing a post that isn't friends only or privated! Look at me go.
In the last week, I've actually gotten into writing on this thing again, but all the entries are somewhat related to my current relationship status/lack thereof, and thus I privated most of them. This one, however, while still tangentially related, is significantly less personal, and I thought I'd leave it unprotected.
Over the last few weeks, I've been digging back through a lot of old stuff, and understandably, it's brought up some nostalgia. I can't recall what exactly spurred me to start going through old things (most of which I posted on some website or another), but once I'd started, I couldn't stop. I went through old yearbooks, pictures and notes my friends and I posted on facebook, and my livejournal. It was definitely an experience.
A couple of years ago, I took a class about how journalism impacts/ed the perception of history, a concept sometimes called "revisionist history." Likewise, while looking over all these things from my past, I found myself stumbling into clues that I had created my own revisionist history for high school. For example, while looking through my high school yearbooks, it was interesting to see who had and had not signed certain years. I'm close friends with people A, B, and C now, and somehow I had forgotten that I haven't been this close to them forever. And I had forgotten how much X, Y, and Z meant to me at one point.
In terms of my livejournal, I gained some insight into how I've changed since 10th grade. I made my account here when I was 16 years old, and up until graduation, I wrote fairly frequently. At the time, I thought much of it was boring, since I was just describing my days at school and/or work in the majority of my entries, but I'm glad that I have it to look back upon. After I graduated, I mostly stopped writing here, and I came to the sobering realization that I don't have the same kind of record from my first couple of years at college as I do from most of high school. Yes, I have memories, and yes, I have pictures, but I don't actually have a written documentation of what the first half of college was like, and that's a sad feeling. My friends and I did a lot of fun/crazy things our freshman year (blanket fort, playing in the snow, ridiculous birthday celebrations, finding our way around town and campus), and I wish I would have taken the time to write about them. I may try to fill in what I remember at some point, but it'll be a huge undertaking that will require more dedication than what I can summon at this point.
I found one entry in particular that means a lot to me. I wrote this entry to try to express the wild assortment of emotions I was feeling leading up to graduation, and even now I can't read the entry without mentally slipping back to that time. Rereading it a few weeks ago really left an impact on me, but there was one line in particular that spurred me into action: "And what do you do when you're holding one of your guy friend's yearbook in your lap, signing it, and you want to write how you really feel but you can't?"
A couple of entries below that was this one. Between those two entries, I realized that I really wanted to get back in touch with Alan. I'd thought about doing it in November, when I stumbled onto his profile page and was startled by the sudden absence of any trace of his long-term girlfriend, but I was going through my own breakup at the time. Moreover, I was personally dealing with people trying to get me to tell them what had happened, and with a few exceptions, I didn't appreciate it. I figured that Alan likely would feel the same way in terms of people being nosy, so even though I wanted to know if he was okay, I put off leaving him a message.
But two months later, after reading these entries, it seemed like a good time. I left him a message on facebook, he got back to me, and we started texting back and forth a bit. I'm going to Shippensburg on Saturday to see him, and I'm very thoroughly excited.
I had a thing for him for most of high school, and I never told him. Now, it's been 2.5 years just since graduation (let alone since I started high school), so obviously I've grown and changed in that time period. And I would be naïve to think that he hasn't done the same. So, although my main motive for getting back in touch with him is just to catch up and see how he's doing, I am curious to see if I still feel the same way. If I do, then now seems like a good time to let him know. If I don't, then I'd still like to (eventually, not necessarily this Saturday) tell him that I once had a thing for him. But Saturday is not a date, although somehow I keep thinking of it as one. I mostly chalk that up to my relatively recent obsession with relationships. I'm looking forward to seeing that dissipate.
My gut feeling at this moment is that I probably do still feel the same. He seemed excited to get back in touch with me, and he immediately brought up old inside jokes that we'd had. It feels like we're picking up right where we left off, and it's very refreshing and comforting.
Today I realized how long 2.5 years really is. In that span of time, I have:
In the last week, I've actually gotten into writing on this thing again, but all the entries are somewhat related to my current relationship status/lack thereof, and thus I privated most of them. This one, however, while still tangentially related, is significantly less personal, and I thought I'd leave it unprotected.
Over the last few weeks, I've been digging back through a lot of old stuff, and understandably, it's brought up some nostalgia. I can't recall what exactly spurred me to start going through old things (most of which I posted on some website or another), but once I'd started, I couldn't stop. I went through old yearbooks, pictures and notes my friends and I posted on facebook, and my livejournal. It was definitely an experience.
A couple of years ago, I took a class about how journalism impacts/ed the perception of history, a concept sometimes called "revisionist history." Likewise, while looking over all these things from my past, I found myself stumbling into clues that I had created my own revisionist history for high school. For example, while looking through my high school yearbooks, it was interesting to see who had and had not signed certain years. I'm close friends with people A, B, and C now, and somehow I had forgotten that I haven't been this close to them forever. And I had forgotten how much X, Y, and Z meant to me at one point.
In terms of my livejournal, I gained some insight into how I've changed since 10th grade. I made my account here when I was 16 years old, and up until graduation, I wrote fairly frequently. At the time, I thought much of it was boring, since I was just describing my days at school and/or work in the majority of my entries, but I'm glad that I have it to look back upon. After I graduated, I mostly stopped writing here, and I came to the sobering realization that I don't have the same kind of record from my first couple of years at college as I do from most of high school. Yes, I have memories, and yes, I have pictures, but I don't actually have a written documentation of what the first half of college was like, and that's a sad feeling. My friends and I did a lot of fun/crazy things our freshman year (blanket fort, playing in the snow, ridiculous birthday celebrations, finding our way around town and campus), and I wish I would have taken the time to write about them. I may try to fill in what I remember at some point, but it'll be a huge undertaking that will require more dedication than what I can summon at this point.
I found one entry in particular that means a lot to me. I wrote this entry to try to express the wild assortment of emotions I was feeling leading up to graduation, and even now I can't read the entry without mentally slipping back to that time. Rereading it a few weeks ago really left an impact on me, but there was one line in particular that spurred me into action: "And what do you do when you're holding one of your guy friend's yearbook in your lap, signing it, and you want to write how you really feel but you can't?"
A couple of entries below that was this one. Between those two entries, I realized that I really wanted to get back in touch with Alan. I'd thought about doing it in November, when I stumbled onto his profile page and was startled by the sudden absence of any trace of his long-term girlfriend, but I was going through my own breakup at the time. Moreover, I was personally dealing with people trying to get me to tell them what had happened, and with a few exceptions, I didn't appreciate it. I figured that Alan likely would feel the same way in terms of people being nosy, so even though I wanted to know if he was okay, I put off leaving him a message.
But two months later, after reading these entries, it seemed like a good time. I left him a message on facebook, he got back to me, and we started texting back and forth a bit. I'm going to Shippensburg on Saturday to see him, and I'm very thoroughly excited.
I had a thing for him for most of high school, and I never told him. Now, it's been 2.5 years just since graduation (let alone since I started high school), so obviously I've grown and changed in that time period. And I would be naïve to think that he hasn't done the same. So, although my main motive for getting back in touch with him is just to catch up and see how he's doing, I am curious to see if I still feel the same way. If I do, then now seems like a good time to let him know. If I don't, then I'd still like to (eventually, not necessarily this Saturday) tell him that I once had a thing for him. But Saturday is not a date, although somehow I keep thinking of it as one. I mostly chalk that up to my relatively recent obsession with relationships. I'm looking forward to seeing that dissipate.
My gut feeling at this moment is that I probably do still feel the same. He seemed excited to get back in touch with me, and he immediately brought up old inside jokes that we'd had. It feels like we're picking up right where we left off, and it's very refreshing and comforting.
Today I realized how long 2.5 years really is. In that span of time, I have:
- gotten much closer with my group of friends from home
- bought a car
- had three birthdays
- experienced 5 semesters of college
- broken up with Zach, gotten back together with him, and been broken up with
- had the single most confusing romantic "relationship" of my life, haha
- met a new set of friends
- changed my major and my career plans/goals
- etc.