Christmas
Here is your first and only warning: this post is probably going to be a mess. I have a lot on my mind right now, and I doubt there's really any coherence to the way this is going to turn out.
But yeah, it's Christmas. And I have unfortunately mixed feelings about that.
On the way home from my sister's house, I had every inclination to come home and write about the depression I usually go through Christmas night/the day after Christmas and about how I didn't think I'd fall prey to it this year, but I guess I'm not 100% convinced now.
To get this out of the way and possibly make the rest of what I'm going to say later make more sense: Zach decided to call on Wednesday, the day I got home (fuck, he called within the first HOUR I was home), so that he could ram down my throat the fact that he's dating someone else already. "Oh, well, I didn't want you to have to find out from someone else." Really? And you think personally telling me is going to go ever-so-smoothly? He had another thing coming, and I pretty much told him off over the phone, and now we ignore each other as much as possible. Which is quite a feat considering we work together. Wonderful.
I guess I don't just take very well to going from "Oh, I think I'm going to marry you someday" to "We're done, this is not a discussion" in the course of (literally) 24 hours, followed by being disposed of and replaced within a month. Fuck you, Zach. Glad to know you're willing to throw a 2.5 year relationship away at the drop of the hat and then stomp on it. Go to hell, seriously.
But anyway. Yeah. No, I'm not harboring any ill feelings at all, why do you ask?
Deep breath.
Unfortunately, as much as I would like to let the whole horrible incident go, this literally happened 4 days ago, and therefore it's on my mind constantly. But there's a slightly sweet side to things that I'll get to a little later.
Christmas.
I really enjoy Christmas. Always have, probably always will. But there's this thing about my parents: they are minimalist, and lazy, and boring when it comes to Christmas. In fact, they've pretty much given up in the last few years because it's "too much work." They cut corners with the food, with the decorations, with the presents (and I'm talking thought/effort, NOT cost), and it's sad. Yes, it's a lot of work, but there's a lot of us to help out, and for God's sake, it's Christmas!! But yeah, so for the last couple of years my mom has essentially just started buying personality-less knick knacks and gift cards for everyone. And don't think that I'm being a spoiled brat, because I swear I'm not. I appreciate that she gets us anything, but I would honestly rather see her either put in a little more effort and get something that actually had some thought put into it, or just write me a check.
And I guess the lack of thought and effort has really gotten to me over the last few years, coupled with a few other things. One of the keys things is that I'm at college for at LEAST the first couple of weeks in December every year. This year I didn't get home until 4 days before Christmas. And try as we (my friends and I) try, it's just really hard to make it actually feel like Christmas when you're so far removed from the Christmas season you're used to. Living in Ithaca, I don't see all the lights and decorations on peoples' houses, I don't hear much Christmas music, I don't have time to properly do my Christmas shopping, and I don't really get to participate in any of the pre-Christmas traditions I'm used to. And that's disappointing. My friends and I have tried to fix that -- I put up my own Christmas tree at college this year, we've gotten together and baked things, played Christmas music, gone out driving to see the lights, but it's not the same. I always get home and feel like I'm instantly thrust into Christmas without feeling like I'm ready. And then it's Christmas, and it's over.
The other thing is fairly minor, but obviously, Christmas is more exciting for my niece and nephew than for the rest of the family. Don't get me wrong, I love that. Getting to watch them open their stuff this morning was great. But sometimes I feel ignored.
Anyhow, in summary, all of this bundled together has led to some post-Christmas depression for me in the last couple of years. Christmas festivities finish up, everyone goes home, and then I realize that it's over. That I will soon need to take all of the christmas music off my mp3 player, that the decorations will need to come down, that the year is almost over, and that, more than anything, I guess, there will suddenly be a big void left by all the anticipation of "it's coming!"
I'm slowly realizing how depressing this post must seem, and I apologize. It's going to get a little better, though, I promise.
But Christmas wasn't that bad this year. My oldest sister had it at her house for a change. We thought that would be easier, since they wouldn't have to worry about lugging everything home afterwards. The food was good, the kids were relatively well-behaved, and there weren't really any missteps with the gifts this year. Other years we've struggled with duplicates and such, but this year it all went well.
I still feel like something is missing, but oh well. I mean, something IS missing. And it fucking sucks.
But yeah, so on a less depressing note, I went back to work on Thursday. As depressing as "going back to work" sounds, it's not. While my job here IS a JOB, I like being there, and I like a lot of my coworkers. But anyhow, while I was working, I ran into a coworker of mine who had transferred to another store in August. He had been engaged, and he was going back to college for the semester, and I think the intention was to stay out there.
Naturally, given that said coworker is (was?) friends with both Zach and I, he asked how we were doing. Heh. And as I vented and gave him the 30 second version of how we were, he responded that I shouldn't feel bad -- he got dumped too. So now he's unengaged. And he said we should grab some drinks sometime to vent about it.
I didn't think much about it at the time, but as the day went on (we were both there for several hours), he seemed a lot more interested in me than he had when we worked together over the summer. And he jokingly invited me over to his place, and when I showed some interest in doing so, he and I exchanged numbers, and... yeah. I don't know what's going on between us. I am, indeed, into him, and I would love to see this all turn into something, even if it's not a serious something. He's a nice guy, and the scenario seems somewhat opportunistic, since we're both (for all intents and purposes) recently unengaged.
He asked me out for drinks again a couple of days ago. We have yet to pick a date for that, but I'm hoping it all goes according to the storybook plot line in my head. So I've had all of this on my mind too, and this is understandably more pleasant to think about than some of the other things on my mind.
Here's hoping for a brighter 2012?
But yeah, it's Christmas. And I have unfortunately mixed feelings about that.
On the way home from my sister's house, I had every inclination to come home and write about the depression I usually go through Christmas night/the day after Christmas and about how I didn't think I'd fall prey to it this year, but I guess I'm not 100% convinced now.
To get this out of the way and possibly make the rest of what I'm going to say later make more sense: Zach decided to call on Wednesday, the day I got home (fuck, he called within the first HOUR I was home), so that he could ram down my throat the fact that he's dating someone else already. "Oh, well, I didn't want you to have to find out from someone else." Really? And you think personally telling me is going to go ever-so-smoothly? He had another thing coming, and I pretty much told him off over the phone, and now we ignore each other as much as possible. Which is quite a feat considering we work together. Wonderful.
I guess I don't just take very well to going from "Oh, I think I'm going to marry you someday" to "We're done, this is not a discussion" in the course of (literally) 24 hours, followed by being disposed of and replaced within a month. Fuck you, Zach. Glad to know you're willing to throw a 2.5 year relationship away at the drop of the hat and then stomp on it. Go to hell, seriously.
But anyway. Yeah. No, I'm not harboring any ill feelings at all, why do you ask?
Deep breath.
Unfortunately, as much as I would like to let the whole horrible incident go, this literally happened 4 days ago, and therefore it's on my mind constantly. But there's a slightly sweet side to things that I'll get to a little later.
Christmas.
I really enjoy Christmas. Always have, probably always will. But there's this thing about my parents: they are minimalist, and lazy, and boring when it comes to Christmas. In fact, they've pretty much given up in the last few years because it's "too much work." They cut corners with the food, with the decorations, with the presents (and I'm talking thought/effort, NOT cost), and it's sad. Yes, it's a lot of work, but there's a lot of us to help out, and for God's sake, it's Christmas!! But yeah, so for the last couple of years my mom has essentially just started buying personality-less knick knacks and gift cards for everyone. And don't think that I'm being a spoiled brat, because I swear I'm not. I appreciate that she gets us anything, but I would honestly rather see her either put in a little more effort and get something that actually had some thought put into it, or just write me a check.
And I guess the lack of thought and effort has really gotten to me over the last few years, coupled with a few other things. One of the keys things is that I'm at college for at LEAST the first couple of weeks in December every year. This year I didn't get home until 4 days before Christmas. And try as we (my friends and I) try, it's just really hard to make it actually feel like Christmas when you're so far removed from the Christmas season you're used to. Living in Ithaca, I don't see all the lights and decorations on peoples' houses, I don't hear much Christmas music, I don't have time to properly do my Christmas shopping, and I don't really get to participate in any of the pre-Christmas traditions I'm used to. And that's disappointing. My friends and I have tried to fix that -- I put up my own Christmas tree at college this year, we've gotten together and baked things, played Christmas music, gone out driving to see the lights, but it's not the same. I always get home and feel like I'm instantly thrust into Christmas without feeling like I'm ready. And then it's Christmas, and it's over.
The other thing is fairly minor, but obviously, Christmas is more exciting for my niece and nephew than for the rest of the family. Don't get me wrong, I love that. Getting to watch them open their stuff this morning was great. But sometimes I feel ignored.
Anyhow, in summary, all of this bundled together has led to some post-Christmas depression for me in the last couple of years. Christmas festivities finish up, everyone goes home, and then I realize that it's over. That I will soon need to take all of the christmas music off my mp3 player, that the decorations will need to come down, that the year is almost over, and that, more than anything, I guess, there will suddenly be a big void left by all the anticipation of "it's coming!"
I'm slowly realizing how depressing this post must seem, and I apologize. It's going to get a little better, though, I promise.
But Christmas wasn't that bad this year. My oldest sister had it at her house for a change. We thought that would be easier, since they wouldn't have to worry about lugging everything home afterwards. The food was good, the kids were relatively well-behaved, and there weren't really any missteps with the gifts this year. Other years we've struggled with duplicates and such, but this year it all went well.
I still feel like something is missing, but oh well. I mean, something IS missing. And it fucking sucks.
But yeah, so on a less depressing note, I went back to work on Thursday. As depressing as "going back to work" sounds, it's not. While my job here IS a JOB, I like being there, and I like a lot of my coworkers. But anyhow, while I was working, I ran into a coworker of mine who had transferred to another store in August. He had been engaged, and he was going back to college for the semester, and I think the intention was to stay out there.
Naturally, given that said coworker is (was?) friends with both Zach and I, he asked how we were doing. Heh. And as I vented and gave him the 30 second version of how we were, he responded that I shouldn't feel bad -- he got dumped too. So now he's unengaged. And he said we should grab some drinks sometime to vent about it.
I didn't think much about it at the time, but as the day went on (we were both there for several hours), he seemed a lot more interested in me than he had when we worked together over the summer. And he jokingly invited me over to his place, and when I showed some interest in doing so, he and I exchanged numbers, and... yeah. I don't know what's going on between us. I am, indeed, into him, and I would love to see this all turn into something, even if it's not a serious something. He's a nice guy, and the scenario seems somewhat opportunistic, since we're both (for all intents and purposes) recently unengaged.
He asked me out for drinks again a couple of days ago. We have yet to pick a date for that, but I'm hoping it all goes according to the storybook plot line in my head. So I've had all of this on my mind too, and this is understandably more pleasant to think about than some of the other things on my mind.
Here's hoping for a brighter 2012?