I am me?
Depression has returned to my life. Now you might think that is bad, and in a way you are right. Ironically though you don't have the whole truth. My life is arranged in a series of ups and downs. Every month is a roller-coaster of emotions. I have periods of mania, in which life is grand. Everything seems to fall in place, colors are bright, friends are always there and I can do whatever I want.
These periods are balanced with my down ones. Ones in which I do not want to get up, I am always bitchy, my friends are all asses (even when intellectually I know that you are acting the same), and life in general sux. I can usually tell when a bad period is about to hit. I get a feeling of it, sort of like how you can feel a thunder storm in the air before the first bolt. That feeling is coming on me now.
Worries over my relationship with my beloved girlfriend are re-surfacing, tensions are arising in many of my relationships, and I get the feeling that many people just do not want to be around me as much... and who can really blame them.
Why is this a ..."good"... thing? Well, for a while I have been feeling neither good nor bad.. just a kinda a mediocre blah. My life was vanilla ice cream and not the french kind, just the plain old tastes like water vanilla. I got excited over things, but not to any real extent. Also things did not bother me as much. I do not like this feeling. It is why I stopped taking St. John's Wort (nature's Prozac). Yes I do not get my lows, but I missed my highs and was worried I would never get them back.
Depression is not here yet, just the first few booms over the horizon, but like the storm, it is a' coming. I still can see light at this point of not being in the storm. I know that the storm is coming, ALWAYS a bad experience.......
BUT every storm has an end......
And the first rays of light after the storm are always that much sweeter.
These periods are balanced with my down ones. Ones in which I do not want to get up, I am always bitchy, my friends are all asses (even when intellectually I know that you are acting the same), and life in general sux. I can usually tell when a bad period is about to hit. I get a feeling of it, sort of like how you can feel a thunder storm in the air before the first bolt. That feeling is coming on me now.
Worries over my relationship with my beloved girlfriend are re-surfacing, tensions are arising in many of my relationships, and I get the feeling that many people just do not want to be around me as much... and who can really blame them.
Why is this a ..."good"... thing? Well, for a while I have been feeling neither good nor bad.. just a kinda a mediocre blah. My life was vanilla ice cream and not the french kind, just the plain old tastes like water vanilla. I got excited over things, but not to any real extent. Also things did not bother me as much. I do not like this feeling. It is why I stopped taking St. John's Wort (nature's Prozac). Yes I do not get my lows, but I missed my highs and was worried I would never get them back.
Depression is not here yet, just the first few booms over the horizon, but like the storm, it is a' coming. I still can see light at this point of not being in the storm. I know that the storm is coming, ALWAYS a bad experience.......
BUT every storm has an end......
And the first rays of light after the storm are always that much sweeter.