me. now.
i don't think anyone reads this anymore. maybe that's why i'm posting here. just to get my thoughts out without starting trouble with the people i know. and avoiding questions from them as well.
my anxiety came back. it's worse than before. it's been a little over 3 year since my first panic attacks. 3 years of hard work for me, getting past it. i was so proud. i really thought it was behind me. and then the day after my birthday i my first panic attack in 3 years. and not only that, but the anxiety symptoms have changed and gotten worse. i'm stuck in a vicious circle. my only option for getting better is to be put on some medication. and i'm fine with that. i welcome it. i'm tired of fighting these feelings. it wears me out. medication is the answer. the anxiety has taken control of my life so much that i can barely function outside my home. i can't go to school. i have to finish my classes online. and i'll have to drop at least one of them. i can't even drive a car for a long period of time. and i'm so ashamed and embarrassed by this.
the problem is that i'm scaring the one i love. she's pulling away from me. i'm too big of a problem for her to handle. we've been dating for over 2 years. and now when i need her the most, she doesn't want me. i don't know how to fix this. i'm going to lose her because of something i can't control, because of the way my brain is wired, because of the environment i grew up in. here i am suffering in my own personal hell and pretty soon i'll be all alone. i finally found someone who loved me. and the part of me i have no control over is ruining it. my panic disorder is the darkest part of me, and she can't handle it. if she can't, then who can? i always believed i'd be alone forever. now i'm even more sure of it.
my anxiety came back. it's worse than before. it's been a little over 3 year since my first panic attacks. 3 years of hard work for me, getting past it. i was so proud. i really thought it was behind me. and then the day after my birthday i my first panic attack in 3 years. and not only that, but the anxiety symptoms have changed and gotten worse. i'm stuck in a vicious circle. my only option for getting better is to be put on some medication. and i'm fine with that. i welcome it. i'm tired of fighting these feelings. it wears me out. medication is the answer. the anxiety has taken control of my life so much that i can barely function outside my home. i can't go to school. i have to finish my classes online. and i'll have to drop at least one of them. i can't even drive a car for a long period of time. and i'm so ashamed and embarrassed by this.
the problem is that i'm scaring the one i love. she's pulling away from me. i'm too big of a problem for her to handle. we've been dating for over 2 years. and now when i need her the most, she doesn't want me. i don't know how to fix this. i'm going to lose her because of something i can't control, because of the way my brain is wired, because of the environment i grew up in. here i am suffering in my own personal hell and pretty soon i'll be all alone. i finally found someone who loved me. and the part of me i have no control over is ruining it. my panic disorder is the darkest part of me, and she can't handle it. if she can't, then who can? i always believed i'd be alone forever. now i'm even more sure of it.