Then everything exploded.
So. Many months ago, thebaconfat wrote this, and I said this. Then nothing happened for like forever, and then I actually wrote something.
It being me, the thing ballooned into a 40-chapter epic rewrite of the whole game, so I'll probably need to write an abridged version of the whole thing. (40 chapters has kind of a symbolic status for me, as it's the length ( Read more... )
It being me, the thing ballooned into a 40-chapter epic rewrite of the whole game, so I'll probably need to write an abridged version of the whole thing. (40 chapters has kind of a symbolic status for me, as it's the length ( Read more... )
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
oh my gosh, I am so excited so excited this is gonna be so awesome. Seriously, I was having a shitty day yesterday and then I saw this and kept being like, no! this is some sweet illusion my mind has conjured! But it ISN'T and holy crap I am excited.
The trains met at the rim of the Hanging Edge, in the ruins of a broken city.
This whole chapter is so exciting and cinematic and how it goes from this sort of controlled, low-level tension to full-out battle and then chaos and then HOLY CRAP is just handled really well and makes for an awesome intro. I'll probably hit the character limit if I quote every bit I liked, so I'll try to control myself.
The troops had formed ranks, helmeted eyes glowing in the shadow and laser sights criscrossing the scene as they ushered the refugees into place.
Again, the mood is just really cool, and you do an excellent job of describing everything that's happening really clearly and concisely.
They lined up on tracks leading out over the lake and then just stopped, broken by the cataclysm that had ruined this place.
Such a cool description.
She knew she ought to be terrified at the thought of what waited on the other side of the portal, but in a way she felt almost excited at the possibility.
I really like how you've already set Serah up as a more active character then she comes across for most of the game.
She’d grown up with the Pulse Vestige dominating the beach outside her town, but seeing it floating across the scenery, suspended from a Sanctum airship, was something else entirely.
Again, such a cool image! I feel like you've put a lot of thought in Serah's POV and I love the rich detail. The line about Pulse's horizon not curving up made me go Oh man!!
Both groups erupted in their own chorus of exclamations, the refugees starting in confusing
Confusion? There's a few other typos here and there that I caught on my first read but aren't popping out at me just now.
The refugees uniformly ignored the command.
I love all the chaos that's implied in this little understatement.
As soon as he saw her, Snow barreled through the other refugees and practically smothered her in a giant hug.
Heeeeee, Snow. <3 <3 <3
That hadn’t been their motto the last time Serah had heard it, but she didn’t pay it much heed.
Hahahaha <3 <3 <3
She felt herself standing up, and then realized she wasn’t; the whole floor was tipping sideways as the station’s supports collapsed.
Just! This whole sequence is so clean and concise but has a depth to it that's really immediate and immersive.
two more pieces of debris that slid straight off the ruined lip of the platform and into thin air. !!
a rending sound louder and deeper than anything she knew how to describe. !!!
the water was falling too !!!!
toward the waterfall pouring down from the world’s fresh wound, and saw Cocoon receding into the distance above them.
SO
AWESOME
sdkfjsjkldfl I am really, really excited for what's going to happen next and who's going to be involved kjdfklfkllkg.
And man, I am seriously excited that you're working on fic again. Half the reason I'm replaying FFVIII is so I can catch up on Moonlight and remember what's going on. I keep getting excited for upcoming bits of the game (It's disc three where Rinoa gets super creepy, right?!) and then being like, wait... no... that was in Nomad's fic.
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But seriously, I had a lot of fun writing that. I came up with the concept almost accidentally, and once I did the scene almost wrote itself. I'd almost forgotten fic could do that.
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