Pseudo-MTF: Any advice?

[omnipoignant]

 Alright, I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible. No rambling, Ben!!

I'm a 21 y/o pansexual biomale, and I consider myself genderqueer. I've been wanting to start hormone therapy, but not to become a female/woman. What I'm most interested in is bridging the gap between man and woman, and to an extent, male and female. Right now

Comments

[eatthosediapers]

while a DIY ethic is commendable, it's maybe not the best idea when it comes to your hormones. munching birth control is not only dangerous, but also won't give you the results you want for a long time. if your concern is difficulty finding a doctor who won't be willing to help you be what you need to be, don't worry, there are doctors who don't stipulate gender normativity so stringently. i've been on prescribed hormones for 8 months now, but i kinda suck at passing and i kinda don't care. i am female identified, but my voice gives me away, so to some, i'm kinda what you are describing. a couple things:

- where do you live? i can't vouch for other cities, but san francisco has pretty open minded doctors. there is a free clinic here that caters to trans people of all kinds on tuesdays. they are very sensitive and open-minded.

- I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE CRAZY, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE THE BEAUTIFUL PANGENDERED POWERHOUSE THAT YOU WANT TO BE, but have you considered some therapy? having good, caring, open-minded therapists was an awesome way for me to pinpoint my gender more accurately. i was in the exact same place as you at one point, and then after talking it out more, i found that i did indeed need to become a woman, i just hadn't had any examples of the kind of transwoman i wanted to be. some doctors, though they might be down with you, might stipulate SOME therapy. i had two different therapists before i went ahead with hormone replacement. i'm glad i had. and if the therapist starts sounding like they're trying to turn you in any direction away from your needs, i'd say that's a good indication that they are a suck therapist. leave the office. a therapist who is somehow queer themselves might be a good place to start.

- your life is going to get measurably harder. sounds like you normally present male. how often do you publicly "crossdress"? have you had some experience going out into the world as an androgynous person? when i was new at my transition (which i still am in many ways), i was very much a gender what-the-fuck. employability became a major issue. interviewers at a job would get this look of half pity, half no-fucking-way. people giving you shit and making you feel like shit will become a norm. little kids will stare at you and whisper to their mom. people will say really mean things and not give a fuck whether you hear them or not. i'd say presenting as androgynous in your daily life will be a good way to measure how much you really want to make people think twice about gender. again, living in an open minded area will help you immeasurably. sadly most of them are kinda expensive.

there ARE people like you out there. again, please don't think i'm trying to steer you in any direction or project on you. genderqueers can have beautiful, amazing lives. artistic types will think you're awesome. open-minded folks will think you are a shining example of bravery and progress. some ignorant people will be very afraid of you, which can be a mixed blessing.

i guess my main point is experiment with some less permanent and potentially damaging genderfuckery before you commit to more permanent measures like hormone induced boobs and stuff. i wish you luck. feel free to respond.

~crissy