Winter Concert Take One
Before. I find that my grandma is in the hospital( she's having severe chest pains and has been since she left last week t go to the philippines. I'm so worried. mommy hasn't come home and neither has my uncle Willie. it's just my dad and I in the house.), I have to pick up the white tux shirts for the boys, have dinner with Carson, and get everything ready for call time. I also find that the girl I've been weary about for the past months actually does have a strong liking for Carson and is beginning to actively pursue him. I had quite the opposite reaction to this. . . Carson thought it was funny.
At Show. I am bombarded with with questions about tuxes and I can not deal with the stress. so I cried. it was great. the first thing i care about in three weeks and I'm pissed at Vaneh (the girl. quite frankly i wanted to run her over yesterday. i didn't want to deal with the police so i didn't.) I broke and started crying while everyone was praying. Cameron, bless him, held me through my hysteria.
After. So the 17 days of Carson are not going very well. Carson got his third present before his first, which was an explanation of the whole thing, and last night the second present was left at Dylan's house so after the show, Carson and I made our way over there he got the present i dropped him home.
I have flashes of Vaneh and Carson together and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that she is more appealing in almost every aspect, she's funny, and she's smart, she's cultured and she IS cute like everyone says. I hate the feeling of jealousy but seriously dude? this is what it took to get me to feel SOMETHING. I'm not happy about the situation but I am glad that at least one good thing came of it. I care about something.
Jealousy pulls me from my gut. I feel like something will explode inside me.
I realize that pent up anger only makes things worse for me. go figure!
At Show. I am bombarded with with questions about tuxes and I can not deal with the stress. so I cried. it was great. the first thing i care about in three weeks and I'm pissed at Vaneh (the girl. quite frankly i wanted to run her over yesterday. i didn't want to deal with the police so i didn't.) I broke and started crying while everyone was praying. Cameron, bless him, held me through my hysteria.
After. So the 17 days of Carson are not going very well. Carson got his third present before his first, which was an explanation of the whole thing, and last night the second present was left at Dylan's house so after the show, Carson and I made our way over there he got the present i dropped him home.
I have flashes of Vaneh and Carson together and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that she is more appealing in almost every aspect, she's funny, and she's smart, she's cultured and she IS cute like everyone says. I hate the feeling of jealousy but seriously dude? this is what it took to get me to feel SOMETHING. I'm not happy about the situation but I am glad that at least one good thing came of it. I care about something.
Jealousy pulls me from my gut. I feel like something will explode inside me.
I realize that pent up anger only makes things worse for me. go figure!