Comments | transient_words: [fic] Kami

transient_words

[fic] Kami

Jun 17, 2009 19:22

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

Rating: R/NC-17

Summary: May I kiss your feet, Kami? Light/Mikami, hints of L/Light.

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smut, one-shot, fic, death note

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transient_words June 25 2009, 19:10:07 UTC

So, first off thank you - I've not had criticism this detailed in quite a while, and it helps ( ... )

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transient_words June 25 2009, 20:13:53 UTC

Hmm, I used to write too much imagery. Now, I do it less. I think it's a reaction of having always heard "use your symbolism sparsely". And I think that I might have taken this too much to heart. And just because I know something doesn't mean I always do in my writing. Reading a lot does not immediately a good writer make. I stumble, but will continue writing in the hopes of becoming better, one day. This comment just spurs me on try better. So, thank you.

You hammered the point home. You hammered the point home and then continued to hammer it until it cracked the surface you were working on. There are times where repeating words looks smooth and natural, and there are times when it's just awkward. This was awkward.

If you phrase it this way, I get it. It hurts, but I agree.

These lines are awkward because yes, the structure is strange, and the two thoughts seem to be incredibly stilted and jerky. Perhaps it's the wording. They are repetitive because "Mikami, being who he was" basically just continues to beat the point of " ( ... )

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transient_words June 25 2009, 21:52:40 UTC

I don't ignore things, don't worry. Being a bit hurt is one thing, ignoring criticism is ... well, then I don't think I'd get very far anywhere since criticism is an essential part of life.

Hmm, I've been writing for a while, but have not really had people tell me what I *do* wrong. I just realised things myself by re-reading older pieces and then noticing flaws which shouldn't necessarily have been there. Showing vs telling is a concept I only recently have gotten to know. It was a bit unsetting to realise that I've been kind of been doing it wrong up till now. I had people tell me - on the writer's anonymous meme - that my prose is boring. I didn't really know why up till now (had my suspicions, but yes). I think you helped me realise what it is.

I'll take up your advice. I actually found the biggest problem in this fic to be jarring narrative. But now, I know that it's a bit more than that.

I'll take up on your offer. Though, I hope you don't expect too much from me?

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