5 Ways Cain Did Not Catch His Sister In Law With His Son 3/5
Character/Pairings: Jeb, Az, DG, Cain...Jeb/Az and implied established Cain/DG
Rating: PG13 (Nothing shown, but plenty implied)
Summary: Random crack, each part can be taken separately or together, it doesn't matter really.
Mostly I just like torturing Cain. Hee.
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Tin Man 'verse. Nothing and no one. Because (at the moment) I'm playing only with the Sci-Fi original characters. Oh, and Dave is Rhoni's. Just so's ya know, I borrowed him and hope she doesn't want to kill me for it...I promise to return him. And no, I do not know where his pants went.
DG needed a book on the History of the Eastern Guild. Something that could only be found inside the Royal Library. Which was, for some reason, locked. Frowning, she tried the handle again, but got nothing.
Cain, who just 'happened' to be walking by (but was in fact there to drag his wife to a surprise lunch) stopped. "What's the matter?" He had to ask, his eyes landing on the mildly confused expression she wore, went over to the door and settled back on her face.
"The door's locked," she pursed her lips, staring at the mysteriously locked door. "It's never locked..."
A sudden feminine cry and the sharp sound of breaking fragile (and likely priceless) ceramic from inside the room, cut off any further calm consideration of the facts. Instead, Cain pushed DG gently to the side and kicked the door open with practiced ease.
The guards outside were quickly waved back, but could not possibly miss the Captain of the Royal Guard's shouting.
"My office, NOW!" Came the order, and a few seconds later, "No, you may NOT finish first!"
...several minutes later...
Face carefully composed to show little emotion, jaw clenched, Cain watched the two figures in front of him with narrowed eyes. "Now," he began, finally, "Because the two of you are adults, supposedly, I'm not here to rail against you for sleeping together..."
"Excuse me," the dark haired woman interrupted. "Let's get our facts straight here. We were not sleeping..."
"In fact, it would be rather uncomfortable, even trying to in that position." His son supplied, oh so helpfully.
Head nodding, his partner in crime agreed. "I mean...the way that the table was digging into the tops of my thighs, and the fact that he was standing..."
"Enough!" Cain cut them off, having seen far more than he needed to already, he did not need a verbal description as well. "I was trying to say tat I wanted you two to at least try to be more circumspect about where you..." his hand waved once as he tried to find a neutral descriptive term that would not make him have to think about what he had walked in on.
"Have sex?" Az supplied in a chirp, as helpful as Jeb apparently.
"Go at it?" The younger Cain suggested, and when both of the other occupants of the room turned to look at him for using the unusual term, he shrugged. "DG was talking about Other Side slang the other day."
With a wide grin, the young woman leant up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "See, I knew there was a reason I kept you around. Besides your bitable rear and that thing you do with your tongu-"
Cain burst out of his seat, cutting off the rest of her statement. “Gods! I CAN'T know that!"
Regarding him with an expression of amusement usually reserved for the antics of children and small animals, Az just pressed her lips together in an attempt to keep from laughing.
"So..." Jeb grinned. "We done here?" There was an altogether too long pause, before he added a respectful, "Sir."
Chair creaking as he collapsed back into it, a hand over his eyes to rub at his pounding temples, Cain gave them a dismissive wave. "Go," he groaned tiredly, "Just...go."
"Okay," Jeb continued to grin, holding out his hand to Az. "See you later Dad."
The Princess slipped her hand into his, still trying to hold back the laughter that continued to threaten to bubble over, and they headed out the door. "Yeah, see you later...Dad." And with the sound of feminine giggling and masculine laughter trailing in their wake, they left Cain. In peace and quiet.
-bonus scene…just cause I love you guys -
[note: herein Dave is played by John Barrowman]
“She’s right, you know.” Cain heard an instantly recognizable voice, filled with amusement, drawl out. As the sound of someone casually, and without any regard for proper military guidelines, plopping down in one of the chairs opposite Cain’s own could be heard.
“Go. Away. Dave,” the blonde retorted automatically.
“He does have quite the bitable looking ass,” the speaker, Cain’s insubordinate Second-in-Command commented. “It runs in the family, I would say. Although, I would have to see the rest of your relatives to properly compare. Male and female.”
Dropping his hand from over his eyes, Cain glared at the brunette with his damned wide, toothy grin. “Don’t you have paperwork to do, Sergeant?” he stressed the other man’s rank purposefully.
“Did it already,” Dave shot back, his expression not changing, despite the murderous look he was receiving. “Caught them in the act,” he continued, meaning the couple who had just left the office, Cain supposed. “In the records room yesterday actually, had to wait for them to finish before I could retrieve those statistics you wanted on past guard performance rankings. It’s polite to let the girl have her orgasm before you go barging in-“
“Dave…” his superior officer warned.
“Gotta say, boy’s got stamina,” the slightly younger man mused, ignoring Cain’s rising anger entirely. “I had to wait a good half hour before I knocked on the door to let them dress before I walked in.” His head tilted thoughtfully to the side as he considered that fact, “Come to think of it, I don’t know why I did. Would’ve been a fun sight to see. The boy’s gorgeous, as is the girl.” He tapped his chin as he continued to ignore the way his superior’s hand was inching toward his gun, “Think I could convince them to join me for a drink in my quarters?”
Cain was not sure whether to be furious, horrified or exasperated over the blatant disregard for propriety, common decency and hell, every social rule in the book that his 2IC was displaying. So, instead, he decided to point out a fact that he thought might get Dave’s mind back on track, and back in reality. Or at least a reality less perilous to Cain’s blood pressure and mental health. “What about your husband?”
With a look that made it seem as if the blonde had asked if the sky was blue, if water was naturally clear or oxygen was fun to breathe, Dave had a ready answer. “Of course he’s invited too, don’t be ridiculous.”
Cain decided that this must be what going mad felt like.