On Bravery
In the previous thread (http://community.livejournal.com/transgender/2298347.html) the OP posed the following question:
do you get told how brave you are for being trans? Does it piss you off as well? Do you have any more thoughts on why it might cause such a strong reaction? I'm sure I can't be alone in this :)
The OP was not alone - after reading through the comment thread at the time, I started thinking. So I went back through and sorted the responses:
13 replies said they felt the statement was patronizing/condescending or annoying
7 replies said something to the effect of, 'the comment is erroneous because being trans isn't being brave, it's being yourself'
5 replies said they thought the statement was fine because being trans *is* brave
2 replies said being trans is brave, but shut up about it because your words can't describe my experience
These replies bothered me. For one, I dislike the use of the patronizing/condescending arguments in identity politics in general. To me, it stinks of arrogance and elitism - and is at best an academic exercise in semantics. Pointing out 'condescension' suggests that you think you know better and so should they.
The thing is others just don't know what it's like (a sentiment echoed in many of the replies). Naturally, this makes some people feel inclined to suggest that being trans isn't brave at all. But I think it is brave to be yourself despite the societal consequences. Others recognize that, which is why they say as much. And no, the trans experience isn't universal (so it may have required more 'bravery' in some instances than others).
Perhaps BRAVERY isn't the best word to describe 'the trans experience' - but I think the direction of the statement works. It's a word they're choosing to try to understand your experience.
Yes, I agree that they'll never be able to define your experience for you - but who says that's what they're trying to do? Only one reply really touched on this idea (which was met with derision):
That can be said about anything in life, though. We can't all experience everything, but we can understand a general idea and respect/empathize/etc.
I think that is the kind of spirit we need to cultivate. I feel that a lot of people in the world are afraid of it, and as a result, afraid of being themselves. Society has 'rules' and a lot of people feel the need to follow them. This is because, unfortunately, 'breaking them' can have adverse consequences for the individual. Further compounding the problem is the fact the legal system has trouble protecting individuals - it's overwhelmed with bad apples. So what do we do about them?
I think it starts with converting those individuals who recognize your 'bravery' into beacons of acceptance. Because once they start to stand up for others who 'break rules' and 'think differently' - more individuals will realize they can now be themselves. And pretty soon we're not breaking rules anymore, we're changing them.
That is the response I give anyone who ever has any challenge or experience to share.
Thoughts?
do you get told how brave you are for being trans? Does it piss you off as well? Do you have any more thoughts on why it might cause such a strong reaction? I'm sure I can't be alone in this :)
The OP was not alone - after reading through the comment thread at the time, I started thinking. So I went back through and sorted the responses:
13 replies said they felt the statement was patronizing/condescending or annoying
7 replies said something to the effect of, 'the comment is erroneous because being trans isn't being brave, it's being yourself'
5 replies said they thought the statement was fine because being trans *is* brave
2 replies said being trans is brave, but shut up about it because your words can't describe my experience
These replies bothered me. For one, I dislike the use of the patronizing/condescending arguments in identity politics in general. To me, it stinks of arrogance and elitism - and is at best an academic exercise in semantics. Pointing out 'condescension' suggests that you think you know better and so should they.
The thing is others just don't know what it's like (a sentiment echoed in many of the replies). Naturally, this makes some people feel inclined to suggest that being trans isn't brave at all. But I think it is brave to be yourself despite the societal consequences. Others recognize that, which is why they say as much. And no, the trans experience isn't universal (so it may have required more 'bravery' in some instances than others).
Perhaps BRAVERY isn't the best word to describe 'the trans experience' - but I think the direction of the statement works. It's a word they're choosing to try to understand your experience.
Yes, I agree that they'll never be able to define your experience for you - but who says that's what they're trying to do? Only one reply really touched on this idea (which was met with derision):
That can be said about anything in life, though. We can't all experience everything, but we can understand a general idea and respect/empathize/etc.
I think that is the kind of spirit we need to cultivate. I feel that a lot of people in the world are afraid of it, and as a result, afraid of being themselves. Society has 'rules' and a lot of people feel the need to follow them. This is because, unfortunately, 'breaking them' can have adverse consequences for the individual. Further compounding the problem is the fact the legal system has trouble protecting individuals - it's overwhelmed with bad apples. So what do we do about them?
I think it starts with converting those individuals who recognize your 'bravery' into beacons of acceptance. Because once they start to stand up for others who 'break rules' and 'think differently' - more individuals will realize they can now be themselves. And pretty soon we're not breaking rules anymore, we're changing them.
That is the response I give anyone who ever has any challenge or experience to share.
Thoughts?