Apparently there's nothing I can do...

[justtristan]

 Hey everyone. I hope I'm posting this in the right area. I'm 20 years old. I'm still semi-in the closet about my gender identity. The world sees me as a woman. But that's not what I'm supposed to be. When I was 8 years old, I told some kids in my class that I was supposed to be a boy. Somehow it managed to work it's way to the principle and then

Comments

[eriktrips]

Your mother may be wishing that there were nothing you could do about it, but of course there are lots of things you can do, and I'm sure you've probably already found out about a number of them just poking around on the Internet. One thing to remember is that you are an adult and she cannot make any decisions for you anymore. If you are financially dependent on her and living at her house, then she might feel she has something to hold over you, but ultimately, it's your life now and she has no say. Kids grow up; they do unpredictable things. Parents have to get used to this or they lose their relationship with their kids.

As for how to be a guy, just do whatever feels right to you. There is no single mold for "Man"; I know cisgendered men who sew and knit and I know cisgendered women who repair cars and weld metal, so, really, it takes all kinds. I would just start with whatever your fondest wish might be that could be easily accomplished--whether that is trying on men's clothing at the store or joining a sports league of some kind or reading up on some subject that you thought was not feminine enough to indulge in before.

There are some relatively simple things you could do to alter your physical appearance: get your hair cut in a more male style (going to a barbershop is the best way and will usually get you a more masculine-looking haircut than going to a styling salon); learn some binding techniques from guys who have or have had large chests; you can even make a packer from condoms and hair gel if you don't have $50 or more to spend on a silicon model right now.

Basically, your mom is wrong. She will have to come to accept who you are if she wants to continue to have a relationship with you. It is entirely her responsibility to decide whether she's going to or not.

Your job is to be yourself. I hope you can find space to have some fun with that part.

[justtristan]

Thank you so much for that link to the homemade packer. I really appreciate it. And you are 100% right. I am an adult. But the fact that I'm depending on her financially made me think she did have this hold. But, that's not how things work. I feel so much better and so much more confident in this whole situation now. Really... Thank you. You helped a lot.

[eriktrips]

You're welcome! I was financially dependent on my parents until I was almost 22, and it did mean that there were some things that I had to keep hidden from them, as they are very conservative Christians, but I figured I was over 18, so I had the right to make decisions for myself whether they would agree with them or not. They were not confrontational in style, so mostly we just didn't talk about certain things, but even if your mom is persistent in airing her objections, you are still your own person now. Unless she is talking strictly about financial matters, her wishes are opinions now, and no longer commands.

One of the perks of getting older. :)

[shenth]

Just as an aside on packing, I find that a pair of thin socks works well when placed between two pairs of underwear. The shape is about right, and you don't have to worry about the condom breaking.