Panic Attack

[banshee1067]

I'm breathing heavy and keep grasping myself...I'll grab my forearm in a grip and fold in on myself. What's happening to me? I started sweating all over and now here I sit, frustrated, wiping sweat off my face as I type and try to stave this off

Comments

[tori_lynn_lives]

Hi I'm Tori. I've seen you on here before and I recognize some things. One thing I recognize is that you and I are very similar...er, we were very similar. One thing I recognize, as shelly put it...you don't need warm fuzzies from transfolk that you percieve to have "succeeded" in morphing into thier perfered gender, what you need sweetheart is some tough love. I can garauntee that anyone in this community, myself included, would accept you for what ever you told us that you were. if you tell me that you are a female, i'm down with that and i'll never call you anything but. it doen't matter to me if you were born with a penis and have not one hair on your head. I was too and I lost a damn lot of my hair before i began transiton.

are looks important to others, yeah probably, so what, there are tons of big and tall women in the world, and many of them are quite pretty regardless of hieght. Here is something i don't think you get...people are attracted to you as a person, as a physical embodiment of energy. How you feel about yourself makes all the difference in the world in who you attract as a potential mate. Something else you don't get...if you are not happy now, you won't be happy later. You can make all the changes you want to your body that you can afford(and money can buy alot) but if you don't accept yourself now, you won't then.

Are there cosmetic thing you can do, certainly, yo can purchase a wig to cover your bald scalp and people will never know that you are bald...and before you discount that, take a long look at my pic, that is a human hair wig and i wear it every day...no one knows,(unless I tell them) TRUST ME! your body will change on hormones if you chose to go that route, TRUST ME. I once was a light-wieght contender in body building, I was 5'-9", had a 44 inch chest, and 14" arms and I only wieghed 147 pounds. I was cut like nobodys business. I was obsessed with image and I thought i would ever be "accepted" as a woman let alone be found to be atractive and i certainly thought i would never be percieved as anything more than a stupid boy in a dress. Fuck that. It trully isn't about whether others accept you. If you can't get beyond what others think, then deal with remaining in a body you hate, or shoot yourself in the head. I ain't saying that to be mean. I'm saying that because sometimes that is what it boils down to. I was there looking at my gun and what i ultimately decided was that i didn't want to die and that I hated who i was so it was time to pursue happiness(even if that meant never being found to be attractive.) You've already said you hate your body and you hate how others percieve you now...fucking do something about it...do somethig that will make you feel better and fuck the rest of those shallow assholes that can't get past your hieght.

you are more than the sum of your parts. You are a person that lives inside a body that doesn't feel right and that you hate. if you cut up that body and do horrible things to damage it, you will only hate it more. do something that will make you more comfortable, go buy some time at a laser clinic and get rid of some of the hair you hate so much. My sister in law is 6'-4" and is totally hot. but beauty starts on the inside. My exwife is horribly ugly these days and most of that uglyness comes from her poisonous heart. You fix your insides and watch in amazement what happens on the outside.

you only have 3 choises...live with it, change it, or die. Believe me when I say there is hope for the future and there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see the opening. I will be happy to help in anyway that i can but you have to be willing to move, to take steps tomake a change in your life, no matter how fruitless it might appear to be...and i'd be willing to be that anyone here would do the same. But don't PATRONIZE me or anyone else here. We have been where you are. We know how hard it is and how painful it can be. we will help...but you have to want it.