Weird Science (Incomplete)

[cinderburster07]

Huffer was plodding along the Ark’s corridors, minding his own business and keeping himself busy with the mysterious - yet, presumably, important - tasks he performed every day.  He wasn’t looking for any excitement; in fact, if excitement came knocking he was frelling well not at home.

Unfortunately for Huffer, excitement never knocks and

Comments

[koh4711]

It's been a while since I've laughed this much over a TF fic.

I love the randomly insane stuff in Transformers, and you do a good job of it here. I also like the mannerisms here... something I struggle with in my writing is trying to come up with actions that convey the feeling without directing the reader. You do a great job of that here.

Also, bonus points for using Huffer. He's not a character I see written much, but he's got so much fun potential.

[cinderburster07]

Thank you very much! :D It's difficult to write mannerisms and all that for me, too. I keep having to beat myself over the head with the "show don't tell rule". ^^;

Ahaha. I actually like Huffer. He's so pessimistic! He's the perfect victim for all the zaniness that goes on. ;)

[corax_onyx]

Yay, Huffer! And totally Yay Wheeljack vs the Blob. I'm interested to see where this is going. I'm gonna second the vote for good non-verbals. The image of a Seeker clog dancing on Gears made me chuckle.

One niggly word thing, I don't think the twins "lampooned" Wheeljack to help them. They might have "shanghaied" or kidnapped him or possibly "coerced" him with threats or even "persuaded" him. But I don't think they made fun of him until he helped.

Anyway, good start, there's lots of potential for wacky funs here. Please post the next installment when its done.

[cinderburster07]

Heee! Thank you so much! I really love constructive criticism, so you made me ecstatic. XD I totally agree on "lampooned" and will edit it out. I think shanghaied will suit my purposes quite nicely, mmmmyes. ;)

[cinderburster07]

I would also like to give you a shiny new interweb for recognizing the Blob. XD

[okami_hu]

The only thing you have to seriously work on is the chapter length. Twice this much will do.

[cinderburster07]

Ahahaha... Yeah, it's gonna be longer. Like I said, it's unfinished. That's not actually a chapter eh-heh. It's more of a... half a chapter? The story itself is a one-shot. ^^;

[ladyrazorsharp]

I love, love, LOVE Wheeljack and his attempt to hold back the invading horde. Or whatever it is. I could HEAR his voice actor, "Back!! Back you slaggin'--!"

And Prime is great too, although I have a feeling we all tend to make him the long-suffering one who is told about stuff last...hee hee...

One question though...I suppose the two conversations are unrelated, and Huffer will find Prime dealing with this when he bursts in yelling about Wheeljack and jelly tentacles? (ROTFL)

Absolutely love it. More, please! ^_^

[cinderburster07]

Thank you! Wheeljack is one of my favorites, so he tends to get the spotlight more than others. ;)

Poor Prime. He does tend to get the short end of the stick. XD

Well~ I can partially answer that question. If I answered it completely, it'd spoil the surprise. ^_~ So the partial answer is that yes, Huffer will most definitely be bursting in on Optimus dealing with the resident troublesome twosome.

killer jello?

[summerplay16]

Yes, I love Wheeljake stories. I like the start of this Huffer trying to stay out of troblems and it finds him. Jake and Huffer running away like its doomsday killer jello thing and the twins broke Prime. Brownie points for writing story with Gears & Huffer they are hardly in any kind of story. So will the Ark be over-run by killer jello? What did the twins do to Gears?

Re: killer jello?

[cinderburster07]

Thank you! Yay, brownie points! *eats them*

Unfortunately, the only answer I have for your questions is... you shall see. ;)

Re: killer jello?

[summerplay16]

I can't wait next chapter. Good luck, I am LOL at the thought of transformers traped in jello. mmm...Jello transformer a fat free food.