(no subject)
how do I always manage to screw things up?
*edit*
All that I said and the tone that I took in saying it could have been avoided. She was leaving work early and she didn't get the chance to call me; it was all easily explained.
Yet...
In one fell swoop I screwed things up. Nikki and I rarely have any instance of confrontation, but when we do I'm the one who is out of line. I blew it out of proportion and I am suffering the consequences because of it. We were going to spend the evening together tomorrow, but now she has decided to stay home. I can't say that I blame her. She works her ass off the whole day and all she gets is me bitching at her at the end of her shift. My tawdry apology will only go so far. Unfortunately that is all I can give. When I screw up all I can do is tell her that I am genuinely sorry and remind her how much I care about her.
I hate upsetting her. You'd think that, in light of my unconditional love for her, I would be more aware of what I say and think about the effect of my words on her. Sometimes I don't though. I slip. With what I have learned tonight I must not assume that she is staying home tomorrow night because of me. However, I would understand if that were the case. My guarantee to myself and Nikki is that I will not make the same mistake twice.
So why did I decide to post this on Livejournal? The primary reason is to get the thoughts down and out of my head in hopes of sleeping tonight; an effort most likely made in vain. The secondary reason is to let my avid readers know that I made an ass of myself. It's one thing to let myself down by doing something stupid. It's an entirely different thing to let her down; I cannot forgive myself for that.
My only hope is that she can.
I love you, Nikki.
*edit*
All that I said and the tone that I took in saying it could have been avoided. She was leaving work early and she didn't get the chance to call me; it was all easily explained.
Yet...
In one fell swoop I screwed things up. Nikki and I rarely have any instance of confrontation, but when we do I'm the one who is out of line. I blew it out of proportion and I am suffering the consequences because of it. We were going to spend the evening together tomorrow, but now she has decided to stay home. I can't say that I blame her. She works her ass off the whole day and all she gets is me bitching at her at the end of her shift. My tawdry apology will only go so far. Unfortunately that is all I can give. When I screw up all I can do is tell her that I am genuinely sorry and remind her how much I care about her.
I hate upsetting her. You'd think that, in light of my unconditional love for her, I would be more aware of what I say and think about the effect of my words on her. Sometimes I don't though. I slip. With what I have learned tonight I must not assume that she is staying home tomorrow night because of me. However, I would understand if that were the case. My guarantee to myself and Nikki is that I will not make the same mistake twice.
So why did I decide to post this on Livejournal? The primary reason is to get the thoughts down and out of my head in hopes of sleeping tonight; an effort most likely made in vain. The secondary reason is to let my avid readers know that I made an ass of myself. It's one thing to let myself down by doing something stupid. It's an entirely different thing to let her down; I cannot forgive myself for that.
My only hope is that she can.
I love you, Nikki.