Mar 25, 2005 00:26
so begins another day. why does it always feel like i'm counting the days towards something. i realized that lately all i've been doing is putting up song lyrics and for now for this moment i feel like i have emotions i have desires i want to be. i've been thinking about all the things i want, and how i want to have it all.
today i was thinking about children. it has become clear to me that our understanding of the world, what's right what should be decays exponentially as we grow from adolescence and then only begins to ascend again once we are very very old. kids can feel untainted love, they understand theres no bad in the world because there really IS no bad in the world. bah bah bah. wasted words. right now, i'm thinking right now what i want, i close my eyes and i want the best words. i want the things that are good about me to be bad and the things that are bad about me to be, well. kids. i miss being a kid.
i think if i had one wish it would be to be a writer a good writer to impress no one but myself. i would write and read and repeat and never show anyone that part of me.
i want i want i want i want i want. is it possible to want too much, to reach the brim of your capacity to desire and then all of a sudden collapse in a heap of dirt....i think that was a question.
there is something out there that is everything i want, it's on these scales and on the other side is me waiting for everything to balance waiting for me not to be staring down at my fingers feeling like i can't accomplish anything lik ei can't run fast enough or please anyone. why does it have to be someone else. why not me. hey louie, what about me.
dedications
i'm done
louie