Not the post I thought I'd be writing about Kununurra... (and a bit on time since arriving home)
I had notes in my head and photos and a pictorial story of my journey to Kununurra from Perth. I was going to do the blogs up with details the way other friends have done so and inspired me.
This is not that post, such a post requires as an integral ingredient an un-broken heart on the subject. This patently disqualifies me from my original plans.
Choosing to take a chance and take the job in Kununurra, with little details and acting basically on a whole lot of faith in myself and the world around me was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done - and I'd do it again.
I fell in love with the adventure, with the road trip, with Kununurra itself, the job I thought I was going to be doing. I could see a different future pathway unwinding before me and it was feeling so very good. I was smitten.
What went wrong?
My boss decided that it wasn't going to work out, wasn't going to be a good fit with as much suddenness as he'd decided to hire me. He's a very decisive person. Despite the time frame in which this all happened - which was unexpected and felt a little unkind - I was well taken care of during the drive up and while I was in Kununurra itself.
I was going to be doing something of an Office Management position, with some PR and PA work thrown in. It was stuff that I'm well capable of and would have been good at once I'd learned the ropes of the company. It felt like a vote of confidence in all the bits and pieces of different jobs and volunteer work I've pursued.
I flew home a week after I'd left Perth, less than a week since I'd been in Kununurra.
I was paid well for the time I'd taken and a little bit extra besides, which allowed me time to not panic rush into a new job when I returned. It allowed me to stick my head down into the midst of the study I was so behind on and make a concentrated effort toward passing the semester, despite how horrible the beginning of the year has been.
I returned to Perth heartbroken, having to leave behind most of what I'd considered 'essential' to me for where I want to live and be happy and self expressed. I was heartsore to be back in this big city after finding delight in the smallness of Kununurra.
My self confidence took a battering in being sent home, despite the fact that I well know that in that sort of time frame it was everything to do with my boss' feelings and not at all to do with my work or performance. Given I was going to be working closely with the boss, I absolutely understand and respect the decision he made, even if I wish it hadn't been so soon. His prerogative and done this way, I logically know it's no reflection on me - I'd no time to establish anything - I was still learning the tours and the front of house stuff and acclimatising. But logic or not, my self confidence has been bruised.
The events of the beginning of the year (which I won't list) contributed to a state where I was about a month behind on study, feeling the overhanging threat of burn out, battered but more self knowing. Self knowledge, robust faith and mindfulness don't equal the same as decent marks for a semester that never had to be as hard as it ended up. But, I got through it, I'll bring myself to check my results soon.
And that leaves me in the space of recovery seeking. I'm burned out, getting through exams used up the small amount of reserve energy and coping I had left. I'm feeling fragile, exhausted and drained.
The week after my exams I managed to start a new job, mercifully it's part time. Equally pleasingly, it's not just busy work, but a mini-project that is a contained piece of work that I can see myself achieving. I'm being paid decently and I get to work with some great people in an environment I find convenient and welcoming. Surprising this contract is also doing a lot for the recovery stakes.
Recovery currently looks like:
* saying maybe to social things and practising last minute decision making planning
* enjoying the social time spent with people near and dear and beloved to me
* enjoying working and earning money without stress
* letting my brain rest, but delighting in moments where I enjoy thinky in depth stuff, same with blogging and reading.
* catching up on and trying new television, in recent months in the midst of study stress and recovery I've been watching: The Closer, Big Bang Theory S3 and S4, Punky Brewster, Covert Affairs, Sports Night, Human Target, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, She-Ra: Princess of Power, How I Met Your Mother, SYTYCD S7, Castle S2 and now White Collar S3.
* game playing, especially Desktop Dungeons (courtesy of @darthchucky)
* chatting online with friends and loved ones
* sending lots of postcards, cards and the odd letter or two
I don't feel like I've found my mojo again. But I at least feel like I'm doing the right things to support it returning when it's good and ready. If I do this right, I'll be raring to embark on my next adventure.
Many thanks to everyone who's in any way contributed to these recent weeks in particular where it's been all to easy for things to be 'too hard'. I've appreciated so much the time, encouragement, cheering, checking and editing, time out breaks and all the other little things.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/814979.html
This is not that post, such a post requires as an integral ingredient an un-broken heart on the subject. This patently disqualifies me from my original plans.
Choosing to take a chance and take the job in Kununurra, with little details and acting basically on a whole lot of faith in myself and the world around me was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done - and I'd do it again.
I fell in love with the adventure, with the road trip, with Kununurra itself, the job I thought I was going to be doing. I could see a different future pathway unwinding before me and it was feeling so very good. I was smitten.
What went wrong?
My boss decided that it wasn't going to work out, wasn't going to be a good fit with as much suddenness as he'd decided to hire me. He's a very decisive person. Despite the time frame in which this all happened - which was unexpected and felt a little unkind - I was well taken care of during the drive up and while I was in Kununurra itself.
I was going to be doing something of an Office Management position, with some PR and PA work thrown in. It was stuff that I'm well capable of and would have been good at once I'd learned the ropes of the company. It felt like a vote of confidence in all the bits and pieces of different jobs and volunteer work I've pursued.
I flew home a week after I'd left Perth, less than a week since I'd been in Kununurra.
I was paid well for the time I'd taken and a little bit extra besides, which allowed me time to not panic rush into a new job when I returned. It allowed me to stick my head down into the midst of the study I was so behind on and make a concentrated effort toward passing the semester, despite how horrible the beginning of the year has been.
I returned to Perth heartbroken, having to leave behind most of what I'd considered 'essential' to me for where I want to live and be happy and self expressed. I was heartsore to be back in this big city after finding delight in the smallness of Kununurra.
My self confidence took a battering in being sent home, despite the fact that I well know that in that sort of time frame it was everything to do with my boss' feelings and not at all to do with my work or performance. Given I was going to be working closely with the boss, I absolutely understand and respect the decision he made, even if I wish it hadn't been so soon. His prerogative and done this way, I logically know it's no reflection on me - I'd no time to establish anything - I was still learning the tours and the front of house stuff and acclimatising. But logic or not, my self confidence has been bruised.
The events of the beginning of the year (which I won't list) contributed to a state where I was about a month behind on study, feeling the overhanging threat of burn out, battered but more self knowing. Self knowledge, robust faith and mindfulness don't equal the same as decent marks for a semester that never had to be as hard as it ended up. But, I got through it, I'll bring myself to check my results soon.
And that leaves me in the space of recovery seeking. I'm burned out, getting through exams used up the small amount of reserve energy and coping I had left. I'm feeling fragile, exhausted and drained.
The week after my exams I managed to start a new job, mercifully it's part time. Equally pleasingly, it's not just busy work, but a mini-project that is a contained piece of work that I can see myself achieving. I'm being paid decently and I get to work with some great people in an environment I find convenient and welcoming. Surprising this contract is also doing a lot for the recovery stakes.
Recovery currently looks like:
* saying maybe to social things and practising last minute decision making planning
* enjoying the social time spent with people near and dear and beloved to me
* enjoying working and earning money without stress
* letting my brain rest, but delighting in moments where I enjoy thinky in depth stuff, same with blogging and reading.
* catching up on and trying new television, in recent months in the midst of study stress and recovery I've been watching: The Closer, Big Bang Theory S3 and S4, Punky Brewster, Covert Affairs, Sports Night, Human Target, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, She-Ra: Princess of Power, How I Met Your Mother, SYTYCD S7, Castle S2 and now White Collar S3.
* game playing, especially Desktop Dungeons (courtesy of @darthchucky)
* chatting online with friends and loved ones
* sending lots of postcards, cards and the odd letter or two
I don't feel like I've found my mojo again. But I at least feel like I'm doing the right things to support it returning when it's good and ready. If I do this right, I'll be raring to embark on my next adventure.
Many thanks to everyone who's in any way contributed to these recent weeks in particular where it's been all to easy for things to be 'too hard'. I've appreciated so much the time, encouragement, cheering, checking and editing, time out breaks and all the other little things.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/814979.html