Connectionism: The Year in Progress...
It's August and I've been musing over what I wanted out of the year (trying to remember in parts) and wondering where I'm at with it, whether what I wanted at the beginning of the year is what I still want, what I've learned about me, the world around me, what I'm interested in learning more about...
I blogged back in January about my focus for the year being 'connectionism' the post is here if you're interested: http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/759808.html
Now that it's September I'm taking a moment to just reflect on that concept. It's not a foreground concept for me, is what I've realised. Connectionism is part of my every moment moving through the world.
There has been connection, intense and amazing experiences of connection, with people I've known for ages, people I'm close to, new friends, strangers in specific spaces, lovers new and current and more.
I've also become quite sensitive to noticing disconnection, when connection isn't - and hasn't been present. When there is a sense of becoming disconnected - like being uninvited to a space.
I've become much more skilled at creating connection in various spaces including one of disconnection, not just for myself, but for others around me. I have valued this learning and I appreciate it greatly, particularly the bit where I feel like I've uncovered only the very tip of a huge iceberg.
I have realised one aspect of connectionism that I've become very good at is creating space where connection is still present. Space, freedom, desire to reach out but space that exists without expectation and obligation. I've found ways of extending invites such that they're freely given, where people can always decline and never have it be something that gets taken personally or becomes about a rejection of me or my company. I don't quite have the words for how important this particular skill is to me, because what it makes available is space where there is availability for connection and spending time, where otherwise it might all just be too hard, stressful or emotionally difficult.
Besides, I don't do obligation well - whether it's obligation toward or from me. Does not compute well.
In line with my post at the beginning of the year and the things I wanted to show up in my experience of connectionism this is where I'm at:
* there has been some cooking, but not as much as I'd like, this has the potential to change but I'm not attached to it given the other demands on my time and energy.
* I've spent considerable time with friends in usual hang outs and extending beyond that, I've learned more about my friends, gotten to know them better and some friendships have deepened or blossomed, which I'm loving. The world through the eyes of my friends is in each case uniquely amazing.
* I've spent awesome time in Freo and I'm still head over tea-kettle in love with the place. There is a sense of love, joy and 'home' to the place that I can never get over. Brunswick St in Melbourne affects me similarly (actually Melbourne in general is like this, but it's especially strong around Brunswick St)
* The background experience of being open about my life has happened as I thought it might and continues to please me on this level greatly. I'm aware of the privilege I've got here in that it hasn't reflected badly on me or put me in an untenable position.
* I still love falling in love daily, in moments and more. I never get tired of this, I never take it for granted.
* I have spent too much time being 'well behaved' and not letting go and letting adventures happen as I wanted to be... I suspect this is still coming and perhaps not this year, same with the other travel plans.
* I've had numerous conversations with people where something I've said or a conversation we've had in the past or somesuch has helped them and made a difference. I've been seeing the effects of it and am just in awe of how powerful one idea, one moment of love and encouragement, of inspiration can be.
What else do I want connectionism to look like this year? (I'm not going to be realistic here, I'm just going to talk about what I'd like realistic or not.)
* More glasses of wine in excellent company and at least some of them to be in funky bar spaces where conversation is conducive.
* Another trip to Melbourne and out to Barnawartha.
* A trip to Brisbane.
* More cups of tea, holding hands with someone I love and hearing about their world, sharing mine.
* Deepening relationships in some places, delighting in those around me, allowing people to delight in me.
* Appreciate the shifts in my experience, my skills, what awesome I bring to the table and allow relationships that exist in old ways of moving through the world to shift accordingly, with kindness, but without compromising my experience of my awesome.
* More skype conversations with far away loved ones.
* Dining out in cool places, in excellent company.
* Delighting in being cooked for and eating food others have made with love and skill.
* Family time, I have several experiences of family and I just want to continue to wrap them all around me and delight in them as much as possible. Experiences of family in Melbourne made stuff that happened there at various points so much easier to deal with.
* Continue hanging out with my little study group of awesome that I created out of one of my units, enjoy the conversations and the support and sense of achievement - and working hard together.
That's kind of what I'm thinking/feeling at present. There may be more, but that's about where I am after the last week or so thinking about this post. It was prompted by wanting to read back over what I'd said at the beginning of the year, and other conversations with people in the last week about the direction of the year, what had happened and what we wanted out of it - where it was going and what we were putting into motion for the last stretch.
What am I putting in motion for the last stretch? I'm not quite sure yet... some of it will be contained in the above, but I'm sure there are more realistic specifics that I could be identifying and committing to.
We shall see :)
Connectionism: my world is filled with it, and yet I still see so much potential for growing and learning and creating this as a deeper, powerful and further reaching tool and experience of my daily life.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/788276.html
I blogged back in January about my focus for the year being 'connectionism' the post is here if you're interested: http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/759808.html
Now that it's September I'm taking a moment to just reflect on that concept. It's not a foreground concept for me, is what I've realised. Connectionism is part of my every moment moving through the world.
There has been connection, intense and amazing experiences of connection, with people I've known for ages, people I'm close to, new friends, strangers in specific spaces, lovers new and current and more.
I've also become quite sensitive to noticing disconnection, when connection isn't - and hasn't been present. When there is a sense of becoming disconnected - like being uninvited to a space.
I've become much more skilled at creating connection in various spaces including one of disconnection, not just for myself, but for others around me. I have valued this learning and I appreciate it greatly, particularly the bit where I feel like I've uncovered only the very tip of a huge iceberg.
I have realised one aspect of connectionism that I've become very good at is creating space where connection is still present. Space, freedom, desire to reach out but space that exists without expectation and obligation. I've found ways of extending invites such that they're freely given, where people can always decline and never have it be something that gets taken personally or becomes about a rejection of me or my company. I don't quite have the words for how important this particular skill is to me, because what it makes available is space where there is availability for connection and spending time, where otherwise it might all just be too hard, stressful or emotionally difficult.
Besides, I don't do obligation well - whether it's obligation toward or from me. Does not compute well.
In line with my post at the beginning of the year and the things I wanted to show up in my experience of connectionism this is where I'm at:
* there has been some cooking, but not as much as I'd like, this has the potential to change but I'm not attached to it given the other demands on my time and energy.
* I've spent considerable time with friends in usual hang outs and extending beyond that, I've learned more about my friends, gotten to know them better and some friendships have deepened or blossomed, which I'm loving. The world through the eyes of my friends is in each case uniquely amazing.
* I've spent awesome time in Freo and I'm still head over tea-kettle in love with the place. There is a sense of love, joy and 'home' to the place that I can never get over. Brunswick St in Melbourne affects me similarly (actually Melbourne in general is like this, but it's especially strong around Brunswick St)
* The background experience of being open about my life has happened as I thought it might and continues to please me on this level greatly. I'm aware of the privilege I've got here in that it hasn't reflected badly on me or put me in an untenable position.
* I still love falling in love daily, in moments and more. I never get tired of this, I never take it for granted.
* I have spent too much time being 'well behaved' and not letting go and letting adventures happen as I wanted to be... I suspect this is still coming and perhaps not this year, same with the other travel plans.
* I've had numerous conversations with people where something I've said or a conversation we've had in the past or somesuch has helped them and made a difference. I've been seeing the effects of it and am just in awe of how powerful one idea, one moment of love and encouragement, of inspiration can be.
What else do I want connectionism to look like this year? (I'm not going to be realistic here, I'm just going to talk about what I'd like realistic or not.)
* More glasses of wine in excellent company and at least some of them to be in funky bar spaces where conversation is conducive.
* Another trip to Melbourne and out to Barnawartha.
* A trip to Brisbane.
* More cups of tea, holding hands with someone I love and hearing about their world, sharing mine.
* Deepening relationships in some places, delighting in those around me, allowing people to delight in me.
* Appreciate the shifts in my experience, my skills, what awesome I bring to the table and allow relationships that exist in old ways of moving through the world to shift accordingly, with kindness, but without compromising my experience of my awesome.
* More skype conversations with far away loved ones.
* Dining out in cool places, in excellent company.
* Delighting in being cooked for and eating food others have made with love and skill.
* Family time, I have several experiences of family and I just want to continue to wrap them all around me and delight in them as much as possible. Experiences of family in Melbourne made stuff that happened there at various points so much easier to deal with.
* Continue hanging out with my little study group of awesome that I created out of one of my units, enjoy the conversations and the support and sense of achievement - and working hard together.
That's kind of what I'm thinking/feeling at present. There may be more, but that's about where I am after the last week or so thinking about this post. It was prompted by wanting to read back over what I'd said at the beginning of the year, and other conversations with people in the last week about the direction of the year, what had happened and what we wanted out of it - where it was going and what we were putting into motion for the last stretch.
What am I putting in motion for the last stretch? I'm not quite sure yet... some of it will be contained in the above, but I'm sure there are more realistic specifics that I could be identifying and committing to.
We shall see :)
Connectionism: my world is filled with it, and yet I still see so much potential for growing and learning and creating this as a deeper, powerful and further reaching tool and experience of my daily life.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/788276.html