Reading for Sexuality, Bodies and Culture (SBC): "Gawking, Gaping, Staring" - Eli Clare
I've found a link to this piece here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/99245/Gawking-Gaping-Staring
From the first paragraph:
"Gawking, gaping, staring: I can't say when it first happened. When first a pair of eyes caught me, held me in their vice grip, tore skin from muscle, muscle from bone. Those eyes always shouted, "Freak, retard, cripple," demanding an answer for tremoring hands, a tomboy's bold and unsteady gait I never grew out of."
I hope you all read it, because it is one of those pieces that transcends all kinds of boundaries, gives you the opportunity to really see the world and people in the world in many different spaces. The piece is challenging because you notice that you've been a gawker, that you've gaped and stared. You're made to own that by being invited to see the world through the writer's gaze.
The article talks about othering, the way the author felt othered by being gawked at, but also how they chose to isolate themselves, shift themselves a measure away from the hatred and hurt. Then later how they started to seek connection, mentors, teachers, friends, allies, lovers... understanding and belonging.
The author relentlessly articulates the weight of being gawked at, gaped at, stared at, what it was like to return that view, to flirt and demand visibility, if not respect.
There is such beauty in these words, how the author hopes for connection, for a lover to trace their skin with a gaze that sees beauty.
They paint such a vivid picture of the world as they traverse it, looking for a bigger sense of self, for heroes and rolemodels critiquing the world around them, even as the world is confounded by them. There are ways in which the author invites the reader to be 'us' with zer, and other times where I felt the weight of accusation, where I cannot do anything but acknowledge it.
One of the particularly interesting parts of the reading was where the author talks about the heroes that have been claimed, saying "we use and reshape history, and in the process it sometimes gets misshapen." Later they talk about their heroes: "My best heroes and teachers don't live on pedestals. They lead complex, messy lives, offering me reflections of myself and standing with me against the gawkers."
Toward the end they speak about the language that's been created around being genderqueer. They speak about the spectrum of words and labels that for the most part all remain within the binary spectrum, simultaneously they create a sense of otherness but also belonging amongst everyone else using the safety of that binary.
Sometimes I will read something where I have a moment of falling for the writer, knowing them only through their words... it isn't a misplaced love, it doesn't lack for realness though it exists within a specific set of moments that impress upon me. I value these experiences. Reading this piece was one of those times where I could feel myself falling and wishing I could reach into the page to share the thought space, the experiences and share connection and conversation with the writer.
I'm so very glad to have read this, I am truly touched and grateful.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/783265.html
From the first paragraph:
"Gawking, gaping, staring: I can't say when it first happened. When first a pair of eyes caught me, held me in their vice grip, tore skin from muscle, muscle from bone. Those eyes always shouted, "Freak, retard, cripple," demanding an answer for tremoring hands, a tomboy's bold and unsteady gait I never grew out of."
I hope you all read it, because it is one of those pieces that transcends all kinds of boundaries, gives you the opportunity to really see the world and people in the world in many different spaces. The piece is challenging because you notice that you've been a gawker, that you've gaped and stared. You're made to own that by being invited to see the world through the writer's gaze.
The article talks about othering, the way the author felt othered by being gawked at, but also how they chose to isolate themselves, shift themselves a measure away from the hatred and hurt. Then later how they started to seek connection, mentors, teachers, friends, allies, lovers... understanding and belonging.
The author relentlessly articulates the weight of being gawked at, gaped at, stared at, what it was like to return that view, to flirt and demand visibility, if not respect.
There is such beauty in these words, how the author hopes for connection, for a lover to trace their skin with a gaze that sees beauty.
They paint such a vivid picture of the world as they traverse it, looking for a bigger sense of self, for heroes and rolemodels critiquing the world around them, even as the world is confounded by them. There are ways in which the author invites the reader to be 'us' with zer, and other times where I felt the weight of accusation, where I cannot do anything but acknowledge it.
One of the particularly interesting parts of the reading was where the author talks about the heroes that have been claimed, saying "we use and reshape history, and in the process it sometimes gets misshapen." Later they talk about their heroes: "My best heroes and teachers don't live on pedestals. They lead complex, messy lives, offering me reflections of myself and standing with me against the gawkers."
Toward the end they speak about the language that's been created around being genderqueer. They speak about the spectrum of words and labels that for the most part all remain within the binary spectrum, simultaneously they create a sense of otherness but also belonging amongst everyone else using the safety of that binary.
Sometimes I will read something where I have a moment of falling for the writer, knowing them only through their words... it isn't a misplaced love, it doesn't lack for realness though it exists within a specific set of moments that impress upon me. I value these experiences. Reading this piece was one of those times where I could feel myself falling and wishing I could reach into the page to share the thought space, the experiences and share connection and conversation with the writer.
I'm so very glad to have read this, I am truly touched and grateful.
This entry was originally posted at http://transcendancing.dreamwidth.org/783265.html