Now that my mood has settled...
I've had one of those weekends where I feel like I need one to recover from it.
Very full on. Very social.
Wonderful evening at the House of B&D as usual. I love you all so much.
And really, I adore that I just keep falling in love with several of you on something of a weekly basis. Utterly rocks my world.
Saturday I did my STAT test, I'm hopeful, 3-4 weeks seems like forever. Now I have to work on my application for enrolment to Murdoch, and write my Personal Statement. Speaking with the course coordinator for the BA I want to do, she said that they will be really after my STAT test results, and unlikely to be interested in the inadequate highschool stuff.
Saturday night after dinner (which was a simple beef casserole, that was nice but nothing special by my standards), I had a bath. I had a Lush bath of 'Floating Island' resulting silky water and slightly sweet and overtly relaxing scents. I had candles enough to read by, and my 'Vienna' melt by Dusk burning. I had coke, and tim tams, and the new Scalzi book, and for two hours, I was left alone to soak, read and pamper myself - I did a treatment on my hair. Blissful.
Slept for not long enough, and not overly well as I'm now going into the 'getting used to new pillows' thing. Hoping my new one works for me, otherwise this could be a painful experience to find the right one both physically in my neck and shoulders and financially as good pillows are expensive.
prk and maharetr picked me up just after 10am for madradish's picnic. We went by Rifo's in Vic Park for coffee, and picked up croissants, ham and cheese for breakfast. prk was awesome and did the bbq-melty thing with them and they were wholly unhealthy and delicious. Loved catching up with people this morning, by the time we got to Kings Park a little later than expected I was much more in a mood to be sociable, which was really nice. Also, I've been missing e_dan's cuddles and it was really lovely to lay in his lap for a while. I'm still utterly covetous of lady_niav's parasol, and splanky turned up this morning looking gorgeous, carefree and just... radiant, and it was just heart warming to see.
Congratulations also are in order to emma_in_oz for the safe delivery of her DLB. I must do some cooking for her this week, although will need to find out how useful that will be re freezer space and stuff.
Saturday afternoon I went to the WASFF meeting, and gods it was long, but it was largely very productive. On the surface it looks like WASFF only does Swancon - it's not actually the case at all, and even if it did, we're looking at stuff from the past, present and future Swancon's and actually that's a huge amount of work. Plus all the other stuff, which I'd ordinarily talk about some more, but I'm just too tired tonight. Ask me later. Also, long as it was, I cuddled up to T the entire time who is just endearing and lovely (and the co-chair of 2010 Swancon). He's gruff and blunt, and I just adore him, and have the utmost respect for him. Hours of cuddles, and given the weekend, gods it's welcome and appreciated. I could go the same again right now.
I almost piked on the driving lesson, but it would have been too easy to do that, and it's been ages since my first one with PRK, so I thought that even if we only spent 15 mins that it would be worthwhile and useful. We spent an hour, and did first and second gear changes, stopping and starting, staying on the correct side of the road (trying to but it's tricky in the carpark), lights, indicators, left hand turns (!!!), tight turns (both ways!!!), speed bumps and then I actually felt confident enough that when prk suggested that I drive home, I wanted to and said yes.
Then I did it. In second gear. No stalling, no mishaps with the TWO roundabouts, thankfully no cars to contend with, but the windy and kind of blind road that is Aldinga street filled with speed bumps. I'm so surprised, a bit boggled and very pleased with my effort and am also acknowledging that even if I'd done a crap job driving us back to my place... I said 'yes' to trying.
I'm feeling a lot less scared, a lot less intimidated and a lot less like I'm driving a machine of death. I learning to trust the way I do things, and even getting used to the gear changing thing, although an automatic car is still a shiny thing in my head. I can't stress how awesome a teacher prk is enough. He's calm and helpful and gives me both the information and the tacit reassurance that I need right now, and is -never- critical. There's suggestions for how to manage a tight turn better, how to remember which way the indicators go on, not freaking out when my comments are 'the brake is your friend' and on occasion putting my foot on the accelerator when I actually meant the brake at this weird right hand turn we were doing. It was weird only in it's simplicity and my consistency in not managing to get it right. He doesn't ever freak out, he doesn't make jokes about me traumatising him or in any way react negatively which honestly would before now, have killed the fledgling confidence I'm trying to nurture.
Coming from a position where actually this is not just an incredibly new and difficult skill to learn, involving coordination that I have no faith in myself for, but also a massive amount of intimidation and fear, I can't express how grateful I am to him enough. I feel comfortable with this driving thing and myself now. I can see myself doing it, and getting my license and happily driving people around and doing the Nullabor trip that I've promised myself as a reward for getting my license. It's all because of him. I'm at a point now where soon it's possible I'll ask some of you who offered a while back to help me with practice and more lessons if I can take you up on it.
Okay, now I'm really done, I'm almost teary thinking over it all again - there's evidence of my tiredness. Emotional and teary. It might seem strange for me to be reacting so strongly but of the major fear and comfort zone challenging things that I've set myself this year, I've made massive steps forward in three of them. From memory there is 4-5 in total, but I can't remember off the top of my head, and I can't be bothered to go and search.
- Put in complaint for house to the BRB
- Did STAT test
- Had driving lesson
Doesn't sound like much when I look at it here... but gods! The emotional and mental work behind it.... time for hot chocolate, cuddles from my wonderful and supportive fiance, and an early night (possibly the finishing of 'Ghost Brigades' - the Scalzi book).
Also, I have several new and very shiny icons made by crazypandabear that you should check out - like the one used in this post for no other reason but to show you.
Very full on. Very social.
Wonderful evening at the House of B&D as usual. I love you all so much.
And really, I adore that I just keep falling in love with several of you on something of a weekly basis. Utterly rocks my world.
Saturday I did my STAT test, I'm hopeful, 3-4 weeks seems like forever. Now I have to work on my application for enrolment to Murdoch, and write my Personal Statement. Speaking with the course coordinator for the BA I want to do, she said that they will be really after my STAT test results, and unlikely to be interested in the inadequate highschool stuff.
Saturday night after dinner (which was a simple beef casserole, that was nice but nothing special by my standards), I had a bath. I had a Lush bath of 'Floating Island' resulting silky water and slightly sweet and overtly relaxing scents. I had candles enough to read by, and my 'Vienna' melt by Dusk burning. I had coke, and tim tams, and the new Scalzi book, and for two hours, I was left alone to soak, read and pamper myself - I did a treatment on my hair. Blissful.
Slept for not long enough, and not overly well as I'm now going into the 'getting used to new pillows' thing. Hoping my new one works for me, otherwise this could be a painful experience to find the right one both physically in my neck and shoulders and financially as good pillows are expensive.
prk and maharetr picked me up just after 10am for madradish's picnic. We went by Rifo's in Vic Park for coffee, and picked up croissants, ham and cheese for breakfast. prk was awesome and did the bbq-melty thing with them and they were wholly unhealthy and delicious. Loved catching up with people this morning, by the time we got to Kings Park a little later than expected I was much more in a mood to be sociable, which was really nice. Also, I've been missing e_dan's cuddles and it was really lovely to lay in his lap for a while. I'm still utterly covetous of lady_niav's parasol, and splanky turned up this morning looking gorgeous, carefree and just... radiant, and it was just heart warming to see.
Congratulations also are in order to emma_in_oz for the safe delivery of her DLB. I must do some cooking for her this week, although will need to find out how useful that will be re freezer space and stuff.
Saturday afternoon I went to the WASFF meeting, and gods it was long, but it was largely very productive. On the surface it looks like WASFF only does Swancon - it's not actually the case at all, and even if it did, we're looking at stuff from the past, present and future Swancon's and actually that's a huge amount of work. Plus all the other stuff, which I'd ordinarily talk about some more, but I'm just too tired tonight. Ask me later. Also, long as it was, I cuddled up to T the entire time who is just endearing and lovely (and the co-chair of 2010 Swancon). He's gruff and blunt, and I just adore him, and have the utmost respect for him. Hours of cuddles, and given the weekend, gods it's welcome and appreciated. I could go the same again right now.
I almost piked on the driving lesson, but it would have been too easy to do that, and it's been ages since my first one with PRK, so I thought that even if we only spent 15 mins that it would be worthwhile and useful. We spent an hour, and did first and second gear changes, stopping and starting, staying on the correct side of the road (trying to but it's tricky in the carpark), lights, indicators, left hand turns (!!!), tight turns (both ways!!!), speed bumps and then I actually felt confident enough that when prk suggested that I drive home, I wanted to and said yes.
Then I did it. In second gear. No stalling, no mishaps with the TWO roundabouts, thankfully no cars to contend with, but the windy and kind of blind road that is Aldinga street filled with speed bumps. I'm so surprised, a bit boggled and very pleased with my effort and am also acknowledging that even if I'd done a crap job driving us back to my place... I said 'yes' to trying.
I'm feeling a lot less scared, a lot less intimidated and a lot less like I'm driving a machine of death. I learning to trust the way I do things, and even getting used to the gear changing thing, although an automatic car is still a shiny thing in my head. I can't stress how awesome a teacher prk is enough. He's calm and helpful and gives me both the information and the tacit reassurance that I need right now, and is -never- critical. There's suggestions for how to manage a tight turn better, how to remember which way the indicators go on, not freaking out when my comments are 'the brake is your friend' and on occasion putting my foot on the accelerator when I actually meant the brake at this weird right hand turn we were doing. It was weird only in it's simplicity and my consistency in not managing to get it right. He doesn't ever freak out, he doesn't make jokes about me traumatising him or in any way react negatively which honestly would before now, have killed the fledgling confidence I'm trying to nurture.
Coming from a position where actually this is not just an incredibly new and difficult skill to learn, involving coordination that I have no faith in myself for, but also a massive amount of intimidation and fear, I can't express how grateful I am to him enough. I feel comfortable with this driving thing and myself now. I can see myself doing it, and getting my license and happily driving people around and doing the Nullabor trip that I've promised myself as a reward for getting my license. It's all because of him. I'm at a point now where soon it's possible I'll ask some of you who offered a while back to help me with practice and more lessons if I can take you up on it.
Okay, now I'm really done, I'm almost teary thinking over it all again - there's evidence of my tiredness. Emotional and teary. It might seem strange for me to be reacting so strongly but of the major fear and comfort zone challenging things that I've set myself this year, I've made massive steps forward in three of them. From memory there is 4-5 in total, but I can't remember off the top of my head, and I can't be bothered to go and search.
- Put in complaint for house to the BRB
- Did STAT test
- Had driving lesson
Doesn't sound like much when I look at it here... but gods! The emotional and mental work behind it.... time for hot chocolate, cuddles from my wonderful and supportive fiance, and an early night (possibly the finishing of 'Ghost Brigades' - the Scalzi book).
Also, I have several new and very shiny icons made by crazypandabear that you should check out - like the one used in this post for no other reason but to show you.