(no subject)
Gods. Freaks and Halloween. I am so sick of men. I was at the drum circle for about 30 seconds before a guy came up asking me to lunch. I was like, "uh, I'll be your friend if I can play your drum". LoL. The hard part about all of this is that I still love Brandon. We had to break up because I knew he'd never call me or email me. He now pretty much ignores my calls, breaks down and calls me two weeks later, and tells me he was "being a flake". Whatever. If I didn't call, he would NEVER call. Same as in Costa Rica, I'd email, he'd usually send no reply...or take weeks to respond. My housemate can maintain a long distance relationship because he and his now fiance talk every day on the phone. And that's the only way to do it. If you don't talk, there is no relationship. Period. Brandon told me to "go find a L.A. man". That was really upsetting...but it will happen eventually if he never calls. We have vague plans to get together when he graduates, but if we don't fucking talk, how can we care for eachother enough to make those plans?! The uncertainty and the lingering nature of my relationship with Brandon are probably part of the reason I'm repulsed by just about everything that moves and is male. The Dalai Lama keeps telling me to give up on sex and love humanity. That is such a foreign idea to me...but quite often as of late I've been thinking of giving up on society and joining a monestary. It's either that or start sending my love to George Bush. Whenever I express my love for a guy friend in the form of a hug or pat on the back, he misconstrues it as a sexual advance. It's impossible to have friends in this city because the central focus of everything is to find a partner, get married, have babies, and cheat. The girls just see me as an opponent in the game, and the guys just want to fuck me. I want to love everyone and be compassionate, but if it's dangerous to do so, how can I?
Maybe I'm just grown up and living in modern society. I miss the Neverland that was Oberlin and everything before.
So that's why I'm going to be a fairy tomorrow! LoL. Wow, that was a weird transition. Anyway. My boss is throwing a Halloween party for his 5-year old son and the whole work crew is invited. If I get too freaked out about being around little kids and my co-workers, I'll go to the Hollywood Halloween Parade instead. Everyone, that is mostly the gay community of West Hollywood, piles into the streets in their costumes, playing the parts. It's going to be a ridiculous sight if I do actually go, because putting on a costume is just a daily routine in that area. Everyone's always acting in this city. It's actually starting to drive me insane.
Anyway, my costume. My pink piggy loofa died, so I'm stretching it around some hangars bent into the shape of wings, wrapping some fat pink shoelaces around the middle of them and wa-la. Fairy wings and straps to boot. I got this cool purple fishnet shirt at a porn shop turned costume store and some neon green shorts at goodwill. Aqua tank-top with pink swirly flowers on it under the fishnet top. I found some sparkly wrapping paper in the street and sparkly ribbon at the 99cent store, and those will get attached to the outside of my shorts. Pink fishnet headband, blue fishnet smoker gloves, sparkly aqua tights. My wand is a cute smiley pink butterfly on the end of a pole. Yay! I love faeries. I'll blend in wonderfully at the parade, or be a shining sparkly beauty to the little kids at the party. And hopefully forget my relationship woes in the midst.
Happy Halloween!
Maybe I'm just grown up and living in modern society. I miss the Neverland that was Oberlin and everything before.
So that's why I'm going to be a fairy tomorrow! LoL. Wow, that was a weird transition. Anyway. My boss is throwing a Halloween party for his 5-year old son and the whole work crew is invited. If I get too freaked out about being around little kids and my co-workers, I'll go to the Hollywood Halloween Parade instead. Everyone, that is mostly the gay community of West Hollywood, piles into the streets in their costumes, playing the parts. It's going to be a ridiculous sight if I do actually go, because putting on a costume is just a daily routine in that area. Everyone's always acting in this city. It's actually starting to drive me insane.
Anyway, my costume. My pink piggy loofa died, so I'm stretching it around some hangars bent into the shape of wings, wrapping some fat pink shoelaces around the middle of them and wa-la. Fairy wings and straps to boot. I got this cool purple fishnet shirt at a porn shop turned costume store and some neon green shorts at goodwill. Aqua tank-top with pink swirly flowers on it under the fishnet top. I found some sparkly wrapping paper in the street and sparkly ribbon at the 99cent store, and those will get attached to the outside of my shorts. Pink fishnet headband, blue fishnet smoker gloves, sparkly aqua tights. My wand is a cute smiley pink butterfly on the end of a pole. Yay! I love faeries. I'll blend in wonderfully at the parade, or be a shining sparkly beauty to the little kids at the party. And hopefully forget my relationship woes in the midst.
Happy Halloween!