There Isn't a Monopoly on Rage
It could be said that I'm a little pissed off.
You KNEW you were on thin ice already. You said so yourself a couple of weeks ago, and I suggested you keep a low profile for a bit, and I'd work behind the scenes to calm things down, and I did.
And I have to say, I had my work cut out for me, because wading in with that humdinger of a post was, it might be suggested, not the lowest of low profiles.
And then there was talk of shutting it down there and then, before the drama llamas started spitting and leaving dung everywhere, but I gave you more rope. "There's a lot of anger over this issue on my f-list right now, people feel justified over this stuff. Let's go with asking for it to be marked controversial and keeping an eye on it", and I got buy in for that, too.
And I prodded, ever so gently, that there were perhaps places dedicated to discussing such things as cis-privilege, righteous anger at it, and the nonsense of so-called "cisphobia". "Maybe you should crosspost this to transfeminism, I suggested.
But apparently I should have spelled it out in letters ten fucking feet high because oh no, you wanted your audience, and (and I appreciate that this is rampant speculation), to see just how far you could wind a certain other moderator up, and by extension, just how much work you could get me to do to try and keep things all nicey-nicey, diplomatic-like behind the scenes. After all, this credit line's free, right?
And it got heated, and my inbox started to fill up from both sides. "Sarah, Sarah, they're being mean to me! Tell them Sarah!" and, well, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be shot at by both sides.
And then there was the second thread, apparently started in opposition to the first. Oh goody, this one can run and run. That one got heated too, and once more I do what I can to keep things nice, but you know what? I'm not your fucking slave and I have a life beyond the Internet, and I can't be there all the bloody time.
And yes, there were some moderation decisions made that I didn't agree with, but there's also collective responsibility, and there's also the point that this isn't just about your agenda.
Because there's debate, and there's being righteously angry at systemised oppression, and there's the perfectly valid point that "moderate your tone" is so often the favourite tool of the oppressor wanting to silence, and god knows, I've been on the receiving end of that one often enough, and it makes me want to spit fucking feathers.
But there's also being a bully, and using righteous anger to excuse shouting people down. This is where some of us don't get the luxury of only having to defend the point we're making (or even the one we agree with, because that's the biggest irony in all this - I agree with most of what you said). There are other people who need that community. There are people who are in the closet, who've just realised what their gender dysphoria actually implies, the ones who, possibly after a lifetime of trying to hide who they really are, are really fucking terrified of what's going to happen to them. The people who are terrified of losing their house, their job, their children, because they're trans and they can't not do anything about it any more. Remember them? That community is there for them too. The need for them to not feel driven away and intimidated by it is why it's so easy for Mad Lynn from Michigan to get her socks in there - because if we start holding an "entrance exam", the very people who need the community the most won't feel welcome.
And you're making it happen.
And I start hearing that people are getting frightened away from asking for help in these groups because they're scared that if they use the wrong language, they'll get torn to shreds by their own community, and it's not like those threads are doing anything to dispell those fears, is it?
Meanwhile, I'm still doing my, "there's a valid point being made there, amongst the noise and the baiting" thing, but it's starting to wear thin, and I'm starting to run out of rope to extend and excuses to make.
There comes a point where everything's been said, twice, three times, or more, and all people on both sides are doing afterwards is seeing who can shout the loudest, and be shittiest to each other. Couple that with people worrying about getting their head bitten off if they happen to use unapproved(tm) language when they, oh I don't know, want to ask if their spouse has a right to just take their kids away because they're a filthy tranny. When that point is passed, some might feel there's a need to actively suggest that a breather is needed.
This, apparently, is my transphobia. Despite the masses of people in there shouting each other down, and triggering people who don't deserve it, and driving people away, and despite me doing everything I can behind the scenes to make the point that we need to have room for radical transfeminist ideas to be discussed, especially at a time when feelings are running high about it, I'm the one who's being silencing. I'm the one who's transphobic.
You know, that felt a little bit like a kick in the teeth.
And that's when I got tired of defending you, and making excuses, and yeah, by then I was more than ready to be the one who pushed the button. Behold, Evil Queen Sarah.
And the usual suspects being "afraid to speak out, lest I get banned too". Grow the fuck up.
This is my rage. Supportive responses only, please. ;-)
You KNEW you were on thin ice already. You said so yourself a couple of weeks ago, and I suggested you keep a low profile for a bit, and I'd work behind the scenes to calm things down, and I did.
And I have to say, I had my work cut out for me, because wading in with that humdinger of a post was, it might be suggested, not the lowest of low profiles.
And then there was talk of shutting it down there and then, before the drama llamas started spitting and leaving dung everywhere, but I gave you more rope. "There's a lot of anger over this issue on my f-list right now, people feel justified over this stuff. Let's go with asking for it to be marked controversial and keeping an eye on it", and I got buy in for that, too.
And I prodded, ever so gently, that there were perhaps places dedicated to discussing such things as cis-privilege, righteous anger at it, and the nonsense of so-called "cisphobia". "Maybe you should crosspost this to transfeminism, I suggested.
But apparently I should have spelled it out in letters ten fucking feet high because oh no, you wanted your audience, and (and I appreciate that this is rampant speculation), to see just how far you could wind a certain other moderator up, and by extension, just how much work you could get me to do to try and keep things all nicey-nicey, diplomatic-like behind the scenes. After all, this credit line's free, right?
And it got heated, and my inbox started to fill up from both sides. "Sarah, Sarah, they're being mean to me! Tell them Sarah!" and, well, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be shot at by both sides.
And then there was the second thread, apparently started in opposition to the first. Oh goody, this one can run and run. That one got heated too, and once more I do what I can to keep things nice, but you know what? I'm not your fucking slave and I have a life beyond the Internet, and I can't be there all the bloody time.
And yes, there were some moderation decisions made that I didn't agree with, but there's also collective responsibility, and there's also the point that this isn't just about your agenda.
Because there's debate, and there's being righteously angry at systemised oppression, and there's the perfectly valid point that "moderate your tone" is so often the favourite tool of the oppressor wanting to silence, and god knows, I've been on the receiving end of that one often enough, and it makes me want to spit fucking feathers.
But there's also being a bully, and using righteous anger to excuse shouting people down. This is where some of us don't get the luxury of only having to defend the point we're making (or even the one we agree with, because that's the biggest irony in all this - I agree with most of what you said). There are other people who need that community. There are people who are in the closet, who've just realised what their gender dysphoria actually implies, the ones who, possibly after a lifetime of trying to hide who they really are, are really fucking terrified of what's going to happen to them. The people who are terrified of losing their house, their job, their children, because they're trans and they can't not do anything about it any more. Remember them? That community is there for them too. The need for them to not feel driven away and intimidated by it is why it's so easy for Mad Lynn from Michigan to get her socks in there - because if we start holding an "entrance exam", the very people who need the community the most won't feel welcome.
And you're making it happen.
And I start hearing that people are getting frightened away from asking for help in these groups because they're scared that if they use the wrong language, they'll get torn to shreds by their own community, and it's not like those threads are doing anything to dispell those fears, is it?
Meanwhile, I'm still doing my, "there's a valid point being made there, amongst the noise and the baiting" thing, but it's starting to wear thin, and I'm starting to run out of rope to extend and excuses to make.
There comes a point where everything's been said, twice, three times, or more, and all people on both sides are doing afterwards is seeing who can shout the loudest, and be shittiest to each other. Couple that with people worrying about getting their head bitten off if they happen to use unapproved(tm) language when they, oh I don't know, want to ask if their spouse has a right to just take their kids away because they're a filthy tranny. When that point is passed, some might feel there's a need to actively suggest that a breather is needed.
This, apparently, is my transphobia. Despite the masses of people in there shouting each other down, and triggering people who don't deserve it, and driving people away, and despite me doing everything I can behind the scenes to make the point that we need to have room for radical transfeminist ideas to be discussed, especially at a time when feelings are running high about it, I'm the one who's being silencing. I'm the one who's transphobic.
You know, that felt a little bit like a kick in the teeth.
And that's when I got tired of defending you, and making excuses, and yeah, by then I was more than ready to be the one who pushed the button. Behold, Evil Queen Sarah.
And the usual suspects being "afraid to speak out, lest I get banned too". Grow the fuck up.
This is my rage. Supportive responses only, please. ;-)