Quiet time. [ open ]

[goodofthegalaxy]

Jacen hadn't known about the courtyard he was currently seated in. He had explored the city and most of the other parts of the ship he was allowed in, but he had only recently discovered this courtyard. When he first saw it, he had stood at the entrance, eyes glazed over and mouth hanging open. He had caught himself, then shook his head and shut

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[restoresbalance]

Luke stood quietly in a shaded area of the courtyard, watching his nephew meditate. He could sense there was turmoil there, just below the surface. Jacen at this age had been like that though. And perhaps, since he was here and still himself--the seeds of the dark man hadn't yet taken root--he would remain Jacen. Maybe not the youngster who had run around bringing home completely inappropriate pets and telling really bad jokes, but at least not the man who had hurt Ben and tried to kidnap his own daughter under the guise of keeping her safe.

It wouldn't do to lurk in the shadows like this, though. Luke took a deep breath and stepped out, his cloak hanging comfortably off his shoulders and swishing around his booted ankles. "Hello, Jacen," he called out.

[goodofthegalaxy]

He snapped out of his trance instantly, turning his head to the right and pressing his chin against his shoulder. His eyes followed and landed on his Uncle -- Master Skywalker. Jacen's lips upturned slightly.

"Hey, Uncle Luke."

He was about to pull himself to his feet and give a proper bow in greeting, but his Uncle wasn't really one for formalities when it came to his family and Jacen knew this from experience. He shifted though, pulling himself up off of the greenery of the courtyard and onto a simple steel bench where he stared up to the Jedi Master. "How're you?"

[restoresbalance]

Uncle Luke. He liked the sound of that a lot, and had to smile and walk the rest of the way over, sternly reminding himself of what he'd just been thinking of. This is Jacen, your nephew, not some Sith.

"I'm all right," he said. "I'd be better if my nephew gave me a hug."

[goodofthegalaxy]

With the grin still apparent on his face, Jacen stood from the bench and wrapped his Uncle into a hug, feeling somewhat comfortable for the first time in days. Of course, it made Jacen feel better too. Luke appearing made him stop the somewhat morose train of thoughts that his mind had been traveling on.

"So what brings you out here anyways?"

[restoresbalance]

"Exploration, mostly," Luke replied when he let go and stepped back. "I've been here a long time and still haven't managed to explore all of this place. I figured it'd kill time and help me get to know the City better. And that's when I felt you meditating, or trying to, anyway." Luke took a seat.

"So what's on your mind?"

[goodofthegalaxy]

"Everything." Jacen responded almost instantly. But then again, when wasn't everything on Jacen Solo's mind? Especially after the Yuuzhan Vong war had ended and he arrived here.

He collapsed back down on the bench, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "... was thinking about people who aren't here. Wondering what they're doing. Lowbacca, Zekk..." His throat almost closed up before the last name he said, but he managed to shove it out with a mumble. "Tenel Ka."

Inhaling deeply, he took his eyes off of the spot on the ground he had been absently staring at and looked up to Luke. He knew his question was one that shouldn't be asked, but it had been nagging at him for awhile and he figured if anyone was going to give him any sort of explanation then it would be his Uncle. Maybe he could tell Jacen about his friends too, and his family. They had to be doing good, right?

Right?

"Uncle Luke, what happens to me?"

[restoresbalance]

In retrospect, that was the question Luke should have been anticipating, and some part of him had, but even so it knocked him off-balance momentarily. Luke loved his family and wanted them to be happy, and he knew if he told Jacen what happened in his future... well, to say it could really hurt the young man was the understatement of the age.

"I'll tell you," he said quietly, folding his hands into his sleeves. "But you have to be sure you want to know. Sometimes knowing about the future alters what you do in the present..." he clenched his gloved right hand. "...and not always in good ways."

[goodofthegalaxy]

The way Luke said that made Jacen stop momentarily and pull back until he was seated with his back straight and his hands in his lap. He was about to tell his Uncle that no, he was fine and he changed his mind. But as soon as he opened his mouth to tell his Uncle he changed his mind, he shut it again.

Jacen stayed silent for a few moments.

When he opened his mouth again, his words were almost silent. "I want to know."

[restoresbalance]

Luke nodded, and put a hand on his nephew's shoulder. "I want you to know first that as your very favorite uncle, I still love you, Jacen. The you, now, and the you I'm going to talk about are two different people." That said, he took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy

[goodofthegalaxy]

Jacen Solo expected to hear lots of good things. Maybe Jacen was a Jedi Master and teaching Ben Skywalker, maybe his sister led her own squadron that Zekk and Lowie were a part of, maybe Tahiri lived near Han and Leia and hung out with them like another daughter of theirs...

Maybe the Hapans accepted Jacen and he was allowed to visit Tenel Ka; maybe he was allowed to be with Tenel Ka.

But this? This wasn't what he expected. Not near anything he expected.

His own journey? Raynar coming back like that? He had a daughter?

And Mara...

Aunt Mara.

His throat retched and his vision became blurry. Only after that did Jacen push off of the bench and attempt to stand. He crumbled to the ground though, his cheek hitting the grass. He wanted to say something to his Uncle. Anything.

But all he could do was shake there, in the grass. He suddenly felt cold, very cold.

Caedus.

[restoresbalance]

And Luke was right there with him, as he would always be with his family. No matter what they did, if they came back to him as themselves, they would always have a place in Uncle Luke's heart.

"Jaina... stopped him," Luke finished quietly, voice flat. "She was the only one of us who could. I was too at risk for things becoming vengeance, and so was Ben." He put an arm around his nephew's shoulders. "But that man isn't you. You don't have to walk that path, you still have the chance to change it. The future is always in motion, remember."

[goodofthegalaxy]

The fact that his sister was the one to finish him just drove it all home and he curled up, clenching his fist around a handful of grass. Jacen felt his Uncle's arms around his shoulders and tried to pull himself up the least bit. He managed somewhat, and buried his face in the thick cloak his Uncle was wearing.

Caedus.

His body was still shaking at almost violent levels. And he wanted to apologize to his Uncle for having to deal with him like this and also apologize for everything he became in the future, but he could only grab handfuls of Luke's cloak and choke on his own breath.

[restoresbalance]

Luke sat there and held Jacen, just as though he was a small child again and afraid of something he'd felt in the Force but was too young to understand. "I'm sorry," he murmured, gloved hand stroking his nephew's hair. "I'm sorry you have to find out this way. I wish it had been different, I wish everything had gone the way we wanted it to. But..."

He sat back, putting his hands on Jacen's shoulders and looking him right in the eye. "...you don't have to become Caedus, Jacen. You can choose the other way. It's not an impossible thing, I know it's not. Don't let knowing all this rule your actions."

[goodofthegalaxy]

When he was finally able to look in his Uncle's eyes -- with his own now tear-streaked and bloodshot -- he nodded weakly, knowing that what Luke Skywalker was saying was true. He didn't have to become Caedus now. Not here.

But just the thought of him doing that... doing all those things to the people he loves... it made him feel sick to his stomach. Every time he thought about the fight with Aunt Mara or the apparent daughter that he and Tenel Ka had, his heart and his breath quickened and he just wanted to bury his face back into his Uncle's chest.

Jacen pulled back though, attempting to regain some sort of composure. He knew by now that there was no use for that.

"I won't," was all he could manage to say.

He wanted to thank his Uncle for telling him, but his chest tightened when he thought about it. Do you thank someone for something like this? It obviously wasn't his Uncle's fault and Jacen told him he wanted to know, but he still didn't feel right saying the words thank you when all of this was involved.

[restoresbalance]

Luke smiled weakly, reaching out to Jacen in the Force with all the strength and love he could give. "You're strong and smart, Jacen," he said. "One of the strongest and smartest Knights here, and I'm glad that you're here with us. Not just as Grand Master... but as your uncle."

He sat back on the grass, shifting into a meditation position automatically, though he had no intention of doing such. "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

[goodofthegalaxy]

"Why did I do it?"

It had been the question that had been under all of his other mess of thoughts, repeating itself over and over again. He was afraid of that answer as well, but figured since he knew this much he should also find out why.

When his Uncle pulled away, Jacen let his hands fall back down into the grass and he pressed his fingertips into the cool dirt. It comforted him the smallest bit and he pulled the energy from the greenery around him in an attempt at soothing his nerves.