[FIC] Distorted - Tsuna
Title: Distorted
Author: Yuuki
Pairing: Hint of Tsuna/Kyoko
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Summary: Trapped in layers of forced lies and trauma, trying to live on is beyond difficult.
Disclaimer: I don't own this fandom.
Notes: Written for daigranon for her birthday! Sorry again for the depressing subjects. Slight character death (only a minor mention), and the pacing is quite mixed and varied.
Word Count: 1555
Rated: T
Distorted
Trapped in layers of forced lies and trauma, trying to live on is beyond difficult.
Mouth dry, voice almost breaking - it wasn't a feeling unfamiliar to him actually. There are worlds he can see, and they begin knocking their fingers of neither stick nor bone gently. He still can't really put his finger on it, this sudden burst of knowledge and wisdom. He suddenly understands.
It is strange.
It was strange.
It still is.
There wasn't a definite answer as to why he suddenly gained this knowledge or this humane power. It wasn't anything worth bragging about, and it didn't always happen, but it happened enough for Tsuna to know that it's real.
Was it anything to do with the years? The age? The time he spent looking at people for what they're worth? It can only be a maybe, and even Reborn didn't want to give a decent answer (not that he usually did anyway, but Tsuna just asked with that hope), but the smirk he wore after hearing Tsuna pour everything out to the surface did tell him things though.
Still, six years of metal and physical development - and the end result was nothing Tsuna had ever expected, even though he knew he never really paid mind to the future. If anything came, he would do his best and beat it. He'd stuck by that ever since a cursed infant wearing a fedora first said 'ciaossu' to him.
Tsuna always thought back with a smile of some kind, and it was recognised always as Tsuna's mind would always drift off when the topic on hand wasn't very interesting. Gokudera always described it as a 'nearly there smile' and he had always thought it was a smile only reserved for flash backs. Perhaps he was right, Gokudera being Gokudera meant he was right about a lot of things, but Tsuna never gave it that much thought.
His Vongola Intuition will only protect. It would protect him from lies and lead him to the truth, but that path was riddled with grey spots. But this new found power will give him more - it could tell him what they were feeling at that moment with their body language and the small things, and Tsuna would just have to learn how to make good, sensible judgements about them.
Yes, it was a good thing.
Right?
Gokudera leans slightly on the glass window, and Tsuna is smiling again. Tsuna forgets about his coffee and it goes cold even without him realising. Gokudera is being out of character, quietly sitting and thinking about something hidden in the deep walls of his mind. Tsuna doesn't try to understand his mind.
But his gut doesn't agree with the frown on his face as he chewed on the cheap lollipop stick, the only evidence of there ever being one in the first place, the white object waving up and down in the musky air. It was Gokudera's not so glamorous way to satisfy his habit without breaking the law.
Tsuna tries to make himself more comfortable in the big leather brown seat to distract himself, and fails.
His mind drifted off and he was left being occupied with a memory. It bites him, and it disturbs him greatly. He was uncomfortable, and he's chocking.
Honestly, he doesn't like thinking of the past. In fact, he wanted to avoid it as much as possible, otherwise his insomnia would get worse. But he wouldn't tell anyone, and he had convinced Gokudera to keep his mouth shut about it. Vongola was already doing not so well since he first took the wheel without any experience, and this bitterness, especially the emotional, psychological difficulties pulling with his new found power shouldn't fit in. Tsuna felt like he had paid a price for something he did not necessarily buy, but would welcome.
Was it worth it?
It's only two sides of the same face, why should he be shocked about it? It was his job, within his promise to change the twisted world of the Mafia, and already, at the age of twenty, he had lost more than he had gained. It had hurt too much, and the weight of his heart was plummeting so low he didn't think he could catch it and lift it back up again.
The depression merely crept in and stuck without him noticing like a stubborn stain. Tsuna couldn't say that he had no idea why he was stuck with it though.
“You have nothing left. Leave your past behind, and serve the Vongola family.”
His heart couldn't even clench in anger any more.
Massaging his temples, Tsuna reached for his mug and gulped down the coffee, emptily hoping that it would do it's job and perhaps actually help him concentrate. As if.
He feels as if he is suffering, suffocating, loosing his breath. The typed Italian on crisp white paper in font barely comfortable to read are just words, verbs that have no meaning and does not click in his head.
At that moment, Tsuna still clung to his desk, the worry of his paperwork being squashed on the lower section of his priority list.
Hibari walks in like it was second nature, and it was not at all strange for him to even enter his office.
Tsuna no longer has the strength to care, or move, or be alert.
Hibari places his palm on his forehead after moving Tsuna's hair out of the way, shaking when, Tsuna guessed despite his fatigue, he found no temperature.
Eyes feeling heavy, Tsuna unwillingly ignores Hibari's question and falls asleep on his desk.
His heart trembled, and he felt breathless. There was no wonder to this, as his heart had already been ripped into shreds. Mending was an option, but it would take too long, and Tsuna didn't think it would heal him.
He felt like he was already on a wave, drifting far way, too far to be reached, too far to be saved.
“Are you feeling all right, tenth?” Gokudera is staring at Tsuna's face. Instead, Tsuna nods slightly, because it is the truth - he honestly felt better having a few extra hours to sleep.
Gokudera nods at him also, and then falls back so he is merely a few steps behind him. It was a politeness Tsuna did not like, but could not argue. From experience, it's better to go with the flow than to block it. For now, anyway.
Tsuna sits in an almost empty room. The other people own faces of liars, layers of mistrust and skin mixed and stirred with pure, black sin. Those people had already given up the thought of goodness.
Could he be able to fix this?
The other people of important positions talk to him with a manner of carefulness - walking each step with caution, not wanting to turn the strongest family against their own. It is not something particularly attractive to look at, but Tsuna keeps his business expression on.
In the end, Tsuna doesn't make an agreement with the other three bosses that want to make allies with his name and what he is seen as. Tsuna thinks, and still agrees it is the correct choice.
Tsuna would rather not others stab him in the back, and he would rather save himself from the trouble with dealing with a betrayal.
Perhaps another time.
Tsuna didn't like it. This ugly change in himself - he hated it. Loathed it. He hated the worry that most of his guardians showed, or tried to hide, and his friends too.
He just wanted it to be like how it used to be, it wouldn't matter too much that they had grown older, not only taller, more attractive, but grown in experience, in strength. He just wanted his beloved friends and family to not be swimming in danger like they had no choice, but to be diving in happiness, bliss, positivity.
Tsuna hated the fact that it was his fault - he knew that he was the one that dragged them into the mess of the Mafia.
And how long would they have to wait?
Tsuna wouldn't know.
“What's wrong with you?”
Tsuna hesitates, but finds he can't shut up any longer. “I'm... ill, I think.”
“I can tell that.” His wife, Kyoko tells him straight, just like she used to. At least that was still a comfort.
“Do you still love me?” Tsuna touches her cheek lightly, like a small child caressing soft fur, and she closes her eyes in the comfort she had not experienced in a long time.
“Yes, of course. You fell for me, I fell for you. I won't stop.” Kyoko murmurs.
“Thank you.” Tsuna manages a small smile.
“So won't you tell me what's wrong?” Kyoko asks again, softly.
Tsuna's eyes dim.
Kyoko is surprised, but reacts quickly like a real wife married to a man in the Mafia.
“I'm sorry. It must have hurt you. It's going to be okay. Don't worry, we're all here. We won't leave you.”
Kyoko's embrace is warmer than he remembers.
Maybe, just maybe, she could be right.
...Could he leave the smell of burning flames and that perishing voice?
Author: Yuuki
Pairing: Hint of Tsuna/Kyoko
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Summary: Trapped in layers of forced lies and trauma, trying to live on is beyond difficult.
Disclaimer: I don't own this fandom.
Notes: Written for daigranon for her birthday! Sorry again for the depressing subjects. Slight character death (only a minor mention), and the pacing is quite mixed and varied.
Word Count: 1555
Rated: T
Distorted
Trapped in layers of forced lies and trauma, trying to live on is beyond difficult.
Mouth dry, voice almost breaking - it wasn't a feeling unfamiliar to him actually. There are worlds he can see, and they begin knocking their fingers of neither stick nor bone gently. He still can't really put his finger on it, this sudden burst of knowledge and wisdom. He suddenly understands.
It is strange.
It was strange.
It still is.
There wasn't a definite answer as to why he suddenly gained this knowledge or this humane power. It wasn't anything worth bragging about, and it didn't always happen, but it happened enough for Tsuna to know that it's real.
Was it anything to do with the years? The age? The time he spent looking at people for what they're worth? It can only be a maybe, and even Reborn didn't want to give a decent answer (not that he usually did anyway, but Tsuna just asked with that hope), but the smirk he wore after hearing Tsuna pour everything out to the surface did tell him things though.
Still, six years of metal and physical development - and the end result was nothing Tsuna had ever expected, even though he knew he never really paid mind to the future. If anything came, he would do his best and beat it. He'd stuck by that ever since a cursed infant wearing a fedora first said 'ciaossu' to him.
Tsuna always thought back with a smile of some kind, and it was recognised always as Tsuna's mind would always drift off when the topic on hand wasn't very interesting. Gokudera always described it as a 'nearly there smile' and he had always thought it was a smile only reserved for flash backs. Perhaps he was right, Gokudera being Gokudera meant he was right about a lot of things, but Tsuna never gave it that much thought.
His Vongola Intuition will only protect. It would protect him from lies and lead him to the truth, but that path was riddled with grey spots. But this new found power will give him more - it could tell him what they were feeling at that moment with their body language and the small things, and Tsuna would just have to learn how to make good, sensible judgements about them.
Yes, it was a good thing.
Right?
Gokudera leans slightly on the glass window, and Tsuna is smiling again. Tsuna forgets about his coffee and it goes cold even without him realising. Gokudera is being out of character, quietly sitting and thinking about something hidden in the deep walls of his mind. Tsuna doesn't try to understand his mind.
But his gut doesn't agree with the frown on his face as he chewed on the cheap lollipop stick, the only evidence of there ever being one in the first place, the white object waving up and down in the musky air. It was Gokudera's not so glamorous way to satisfy his habit without breaking the law.
Tsuna tries to make himself more comfortable in the big leather brown seat to distract himself, and fails.
His mind drifted off and he was left being occupied with a memory. It bites him, and it disturbs him greatly. He was uncomfortable, and he's chocking.
Honestly, he doesn't like thinking of the past. In fact, he wanted to avoid it as much as possible, otherwise his insomnia would get worse. But he wouldn't tell anyone, and he had convinced Gokudera to keep his mouth shut about it. Vongola was already doing not so well since he first took the wheel without any experience, and this bitterness, especially the emotional, psychological difficulties pulling with his new found power shouldn't fit in. Tsuna felt like he had paid a price for something he did not necessarily buy, but would welcome.
Was it worth it?
It's only two sides of the same face, why should he be shocked about it? It was his job, within his promise to change the twisted world of the Mafia, and already, at the age of twenty, he had lost more than he had gained. It had hurt too much, and the weight of his heart was plummeting so low he didn't think he could catch it and lift it back up again.
The depression merely crept in and stuck without him noticing like a stubborn stain. Tsuna couldn't say that he had no idea why he was stuck with it though.
“You have nothing left. Leave your past behind, and serve the Vongola family.”
His heart couldn't even clench in anger any more.
Massaging his temples, Tsuna reached for his mug and gulped down the coffee, emptily hoping that it would do it's job and perhaps actually help him concentrate. As if.
He feels as if he is suffering, suffocating, loosing his breath. The typed Italian on crisp white paper in font barely comfortable to read are just words, verbs that have no meaning and does not click in his head.
At that moment, Tsuna still clung to his desk, the worry of his paperwork being squashed on the lower section of his priority list.
Hibari walks in like it was second nature, and it was not at all strange for him to even enter his office.
Tsuna no longer has the strength to care, or move, or be alert.
Hibari places his palm on his forehead after moving Tsuna's hair out of the way, shaking when, Tsuna guessed despite his fatigue, he found no temperature.
Eyes feeling heavy, Tsuna unwillingly ignores Hibari's question and falls asleep on his desk.
His heart trembled, and he felt breathless. There was no wonder to this, as his heart had already been ripped into shreds. Mending was an option, but it would take too long, and Tsuna didn't think it would heal him.
He felt like he was already on a wave, drifting far way, too far to be reached, too far to be saved.
“Are you feeling all right, tenth?” Gokudera is staring at Tsuna's face. Instead, Tsuna nods slightly, because it is the truth - he honestly felt better having a few extra hours to sleep.
Gokudera nods at him also, and then falls back so he is merely a few steps behind him. It was a politeness Tsuna did not like, but could not argue. From experience, it's better to go with the flow than to block it. For now, anyway.
Tsuna sits in an almost empty room. The other people own faces of liars, layers of mistrust and skin mixed and stirred with pure, black sin. Those people had already given up the thought of goodness.
Could he be able to fix this?
The other people of important positions talk to him with a manner of carefulness - walking each step with caution, not wanting to turn the strongest family against their own. It is not something particularly attractive to look at, but Tsuna keeps his business expression on.
In the end, Tsuna doesn't make an agreement with the other three bosses that want to make allies with his name and what he is seen as. Tsuna thinks, and still agrees it is the correct choice.
Tsuna would rather not others stab him in the back, and he would rather save himself from the trouble with dealing with a betrayal.
Perhaps another time.
Tsuna didn't like it. This ugly change in himself - he hated it. Loathed it. He hated the worry that most of his guardians showed, or tried to hide, and his friends too.
He just wanted it to be like how it used to be, it wouldn't matter too much that they had grown older, not only taller, more attractive, but grown in experience, in strength. He just wanted his beloved friends and family to not be swimming in danger like they had no choice, but to be diving in happiness, bliss, positivity.
Tsuna hated the fact that it was his fault - he knew that he was the one that dragged them into the mess of the Mafia.
And how long would they have to wait?
Tsuna wouldn't know.
“What's wrong with you?”
Tsuna hesitates, but finds he can't shut up any longer. “I'm... ill, I think.”
“I can tell that.” His wife, Kyoko tells him straight, just like she used to. At least that was still a comfort.
“Do you still love me?” Tsuna touches her cheek lightly, like a small child caressing soft fur, and she closes her eyes in the comfort she had not experienced in a long time.
“Yes, of course. You fell for me, I fell for you. I won't stop.” Kyoko murmurs.
“Thank you.” Tsuna manages a small smile.
“So won't you tell me what's wrong?” Kyoko asks again, softly.
Tsuna's eyes dim.
Kyoko is surprised, but reacts quickly like a real wife married to a man in the Mafia.
“I'm sorry. It must have hurt you. It's going to be okay. Don't worry, we're all here. We won't leave you.”
Kyoko's embrace is warmer than he remembers.
Maybe, just maybe, she could be right.
...Could he leave the smell of burning flames and that perishing voice?