every body dies
two friends of mine are brothers to each other.
each of them says to me, independent of the other:
I love you.
I feel they say it out of concern that I might die.
And so unfortunately I do not accept easily their love statemnts, i wish i were easier with this,
and i say nothing, I smile politiely, trying to simulatenously not insult their heartfelt expression and maintain my own dignity.
he said o me tonight that i was the most trangrssive influence on his entire university career, and that at the time he both loved me and ahted me for it, and now he loves me.he truly care about me and loves me, and do nt think he was drunk. i should find a kind way to confirm that....!
i smiled, and tried to touch him in a sincere and loving way, with unencumbered surfaces, firmly, to have strong connection and communicate sincerity. i buried my face in his neck as he finally told me, this story has been developing now over so many years for him. i apologised for hurting him - perhaps making it harder to say these things earlier in our lives.
you never hurt me, he said.
i think he spoke of past and present together.
a number of people lately have exxpressed, cautiously, a fear that i would die. (because of all the talk of loss and death and suicide in the air, and the accute relationship a lot of us have to surviving in this air.)
please be assured, everybody dies....i believe i am not going to die now.
eternal present = we are alive now, as i told H, recently returned from an episode of socially unpalatable mentality and ostracised from 'community' for it, apologised to me embrassed/ashamed.
I told her: "... your emails are not the first thing i think of when i see you!
i dont remember the details, i only feel an affection that persists, and anyone who sees the past when they look at you today is someone who doesnt accept you and should be left behind....it behooves us to act in the present, not to be dragging the past along such that we have no present...!"
i embrace you, with the bodies we have here and now, until its time to let go.
"The world is filled with remembering and forgetting like sea and dry land. Sometimes memory is the solid ground we stand on, sometimes memory is the sea that covers all things like the Flood. And forgetting is the dry land that saves, like Ararat. [ . . . ] And every person is a dam between past and future. When he dies the dam bursts, the past breaks into the future, And there is no before or after. All times becomes one time like our God: our time is one. Blessed be the memory of the dam." -Amichai
each of them says to me, independent of the other:
I love you.
I feel they say it out of concern that I might die.
And so unfortunately I do not accept easily their love statemnts, i wish i were easier with this,
and i say nothing, I smile politiely, trying to simulatenously not insult their heartfelt expression and maintain my own dignity.
he said o me tonight that i was the most trangrssive influence on his entire university career, and that at the time he both loved me and ahted me for it, and now he loves me.he truly care about me and loves me, and do nt think he was drunk. i should find a kind way to confirm that....!
i smiled, and tried to touch him in a sincere and loving way, with unencumbered surfaces, firmly, to have strong connection and communicate sincerity. i buried my face in his neck as he finally told me, this story has been developing now over so many years for him. i apologised for hurting him - perhaps making it harder to say these things earlier in our lives.
you never hurt me, he said.
i think he spoke of past and present together.
a number of people lately have exxpressed, cautiously, a fear that i would die. (because of all the talk of loss and death and suicide in the air, and the accute relationship a lot of us have to surviving in this air.)
please be assured, everybody dies....i believe i am not going to die now.
eternal present = we are alive now, as i told H, recently returned from an episode of socially unpalatable mentality and ostracised from 'community' for it, apologised to me embrassed/ashamed.
I told her: "... your emails are not the first thing i think of when i see you!
i dont remember the details, i only feel an affection that persists, and anyone who sees the past when they look at you today is someone who doesnt accept you and should be left behind....it behooves us to act in the present, not to be dragging the past along such that we have no present...!"
i embrace you, with the bodies we have here and now, until its time to let go.
"The world is filled with remembering and forgetting like sea and dry land. Sometimes memory is the solid ground we stand on, sometimes memory is the sea that covers all things like the Flood. And forgetting is the dry land that saves, like Ararat. [ . . . ] And every person is a dam between past and future. When he dies the dam bursts, the past breaks into the future, And there is no before or after. All times becomes one time like our God: our time is one. Blessed be the memory of the dam." -Amichai