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11:39 pm. I'm sitting here, thinking about the concept of time. Hours, minutes, seconds. I wish I could stop it. Maybe not stop it, just slow it down significantly. Or I wish there were more hours in the day. Or I wish I didn't have to spend so many of those precious hours working. I want to enjoy all my hours, not hope for them to pass by quicker. For being my semester off, it's hardly a semester off. I wish I had more time to be young, more time to read, more time to work out, more time to develop creatively, more time to hang with all my friends, more time to keep in touch with my scattered family. How do my parents expect me to further work on all my creative little hobbies (that could potentially morph into little careers) if they're always having me work? I know work is money and money is helpful, but work is also time. Mom may be through with giving me days off for a while because she likes to do things like get her nails done and play golf. She says, "Your days off are the weekends" and "I don't take advantage of you, if anything, you take advantage of me!" I can't argue with her. I don't know how and I'll never open her eyes to her own actions. I just shut up and stare at the carpet, because it's easier.
I love my mother so deeply, so intensely, but she's slowly emptying my life of it's spark. All this monotony, it's ruining me. I DO NOT LIKE IT.
An option I forget to consider: find a new job.
I wish there were enough hours in the day to allow the following to occur daily: wake up naturally, stretch, cook breakfast, shower leisurely, read 100+ pages of a novel, browse the internet, watch a film, game for a few hours, get in a full workout, work in a positive environment where customers both adore and respect me, familiarize myself with and utilize CSS, shoot an entire roll of film in multiple locations, write an extensive moleskine entry, spend time with friends, brew and consume decaf green tea before bed, sleep 8 or 9 hours, etc. Rinse, repeat.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
- Calvin