(no subject)
Title: Desperation
Paring: Sick Boy/Renton
Rating: R
Notes: Apparently, I cannot stop writing for this paring, my apologies. A 5 hour shift of sitting at my job waiting for people to shop (which they rarely do) leaves a whole lot of time for writing!
This overwhelming feeling of desperation has to end soon. He’s so fucking desperate for just one hit, it’s paralyzing and frightening and it becomes even worse when all the sober worries float back into his racing brain.
It really fucking sucks to have no money. What’s even worse is not having the ambition to even go and steal someone’s wallet or find something to pawn. The thought is passing through his brain, but it’s a long way from thought to action and he’s too far into the junkie limbo to even make himself move and he knows it’s impossible to pull himself out, because he’s tried. Now just comes the part when giving up is the option, if he passes out for a while, maybe Sick Boy will find the funds. Simon’s better at that shite than Mark ever was, he’s fucking ruthless when it comes to smack, he’ll do anything to get it, absolutely anything. Mark thinks it’s just proof that smack can make you a soulless motherfucker, but the jury is still out on if Simon ever had a soul to begin with.
Sick Boy is a popular topic in Rents’ mind, it’s a fascination, infatuation and Renton finds him compelling as well. The two of them have had this thing going on for a while now, unspoken of course. A thing where Sick Boy always ends up in Renton’s bed or vice versa. Simon is always the one to crawl in beside Rents or coax him into bed. Mark never makes the first move and that’s fine, it gives Simon this incredible feeling of control over another human being, something Sick Boy craves like heroin.
“Rents, I fucking got it, c’mon!”
Mark is pulled out of his thoughts and a half coma by a familiar voice, a voice he’s become increasingly happy to hear every time he hears it. He turns his head offering a weak smile of thanks to Sick Boy because he knows exactly what the other has hid in those tight worn pants he’s wearing.
“Look at cha, yer fuckin’ useless.” Simon mumbles looking over Renton’s limp body.
Mark can’t even respond to that, even though he’s looking right at Sick Boy, all he can think is heroin ... high ... there are no words for how much he needs that needle in his arm right now.
Simon realizes that he’s going to have to do all the work for the both of them, because Mark is unable to lift his head off the grimy couch. So that is exactly what he does, finds all the stuff he needs and sits in front of the coffee table. He could do this in his sleep, he’s automatic, he doesn’t think ... it’s easier that way.
When he’s got two syringes loaded, he looks back up at Renton who’s been watching him wordlessly the entire time.
Sick Boy moves himself to the other side of the table, facing the couch and Rents’ arm that is hanging down, he pulls his own belt from around his hips, then wraps it around Mark’s arm, tapping at it only a few times, it’s relatively easy this time to get a vein for Renton and Sick Boy hopes that he has just as easy a time.
He’ll never admit it, but watching Renton fall from that place of complete desperation and sickness into the blissfully unaware, careless, painless state that only comes with a high is one of his favourite things. So he watches before he takes his own hit, because Renton doesn’t know or care about what the fuck is going on around him.
The air is so wonderfully still and there is a complete quiet that comes over the flat as Sick Boy too falls into the world of no pain. Simon is proud of himself because at least for right now, he’s the one who ended Mark’s desperation.
There are many days like this when the boys don’t know where their next hits are going to come from, when the Mother Superior won’t let them play now and pay later so it becomes the hunt. As previously mentioned Sick Boy often wins the hunt and goes brandishing his winnings to Renton looking for a pat on the back, which comes in the form of Renton sucking him off or sometimes more or something less. Simon knows that he’s in fact moulded Mark right into his little rewards system without the other even realizing he’s part of a plan. The only thing Mark knows is that it’s a hell of a lot easier to get high when he goes down on Simon Williamson.
It’s something more than that for the both of them though, it’s doubtful that they even realize that, but in their subconscious minds they know. It’s the actual comfort of not being all alone in the world, the thought that someone is watching your back even if it’s with one eye closed. If one had to go on without the other one element of life would be missing for either of them.
So later tonight, when they’re both a little more grounded and Renton can hold up his end of the deal, Sick Boy may even do the same back, because for both of them, being with someone makes them feel just a little less of that pathetic desperation.
---
I'm kind of unsure about this one, what do you think?
Paring: Sick Boy/Renton
Rating: R
Notes: Apparently, I cannot stop writing for this paring, my apologies. A 5 hour shift of sitting at my job waiting for people to shop (which they rarely do) leaves a whole lot of time for writing!
This overwhelming feeling of desperation has to end soon. He’s so fucking desperate for just one hit, it’s paralyzing and frightening and it becomes even worse when all the sober worries float back into his racing brain.
It really fucking sucks to have no money. What’s even worse is not having the ambition to even go and steal someone’s wallet or find something to pawn. The thought is passing through his brain, but it’s a long way from thought to action and he’s too far into the junkie limbo to even make himself move and he knows it’s impossible to pull himself out, because he’s tried. Now just comes the part when giving up is the option, if he passes out for a while, maybe Sick Boy will find the funds. Simon’s better at that shite than Mark ever was, he’s fucking ruthless when it comes to smack, he’ll do anything to get it, absolutely anything. Mark thinks it’s just proof that smack can make you a soulless motherfucker, but the jury is still out on if Simon ever had a soul to begin with.
Sick Boy is a popular topic in Rents’ mind, it’s a fascination, infatuation and Renton finds him compelling as well. The two of them have had this thing going on for a while now, unspoken of course. A thing where Sick Boy always ends up in Renton’s bed or vice versa. Simon is always the one to crawl in beside Rents or coax him into bed. Mark never makes the first move and that’s fine, it gives Simon this incredible feeling of control over another human being, something Sick Boy craves like heroin.
“Rents, I fucking got it, c’mon!”
Mark is pulled out of his thoughts and a half coma by a familiar voice, a voice he’s become increasingly happy to hear every time he hears it. He turns his head offering a weak smile of thanks to Sick Boy because he knows exactly what the other has hid in those tight worn pants he’s wearing.
“Look at cha, yer fuckin’ useless.” Simon mumbles looking over Renton’s limp body.
Mark can’t even respond to that, even though he’s looking right at Sick Boy, all he can think is heroin ... high ... there are no words for how much he needs that needle in his arm right now.
Simon realizes that he’s going to have to do all the work for the both of them, because Mark is unable to lift his head off the grimy couch. So that is exactly what he does, finds all the stuff he needs and sits in front of the coffee table. He could do this in his sleep, he’s automatic, he doesn’t think ... it’s easier that way.
When he’s got two syringes loaded, he looks back up at Renton who’s been watching him wordlessly the entire time.
Sick Boy moves himself to the other side of the table, facing the couch and Rents’ arm that is hanging down, he pulls his own belt from around his hips, then wraps it around Mark’s arm, tapping at it only a few times, it’s relatively easy this time to get a vein for Renton and Sick Boy hopes that he has just as easy a time.
He’ll never admit it, but watching Renton fall from that place of complete desperation and sickness into the blissfully unaware, careless, painless state that only comes with a high is one of his favourite things. So he watches before he takes his own hit, because Renton doesn’t know or care about what the fuck is going on around him.
The air is so wonderfully still and there is a complete quiet that comes over the flat as Sick Boy too falls into the world of no pain. Simon is proud of himself because at least for right now, he’s the one who ended Mark’s desperation.
There are many days like this when the boys don’t know where their next hits are going to come from, when the Mother Superior won’t let them play now and pay later so it becomes the hunt. As previously mentioned Sick Boy often wins the hunt and goes brandishing his winnings to Renton looking for a pat on the back, which comes in the form of Renton sucking him off or sometimes more or something less. Simon knows that he’s in fact moulded Mark right into his little rewards system without the other even realizing he’s part of a plan. The only thing Mark knows is that it’s a hell of a lot easier to get high when he goes down on Simon Williamson.
It’s something more than that for the both of them though, it’s doubtful that they even realize that, but in their subconscious minds they know. It’s the actual comfort of not being all alone in the world, the thought that someone is watching your back even if it’s with one eye closed. If one had to go on without the other one element of life would be missing for either of them.
So later tonight, when they’re both a little more grounded and Renton can hold up his end of the deal, Sick Boy may even do the same back, because for both of them, being with someone makes them feel just a little less of that pathetic desperation.
---
I'm kind of unsure about this one, what do you think?